It's Always Darkest Before The Dawn
by Loves Sock Monkeys
Summary: Quinn and Santana are married with a young daughter. Quinn ends the marriage and moves out, and it devastates Santana. She had been working alot but she had no clue Quinn was so unhappy. Is the marriage really over or is Quinn hiding a deeper secret? Santana wants the truth and her family back. Rated M for alcohol/drug addiction. Strong Faberry / Pezberry friendships. Repost.
1. Chapter 1

**It's Always Darkest Before the Dawn**

**AU Quinntana story, strong Faberry and PezBerry friendships**

_**Don't Own Glee ~ Shannon and Moose are my invention as are anyone else not in the show**_

_**Rated M for bad language and tough subjects regarding addiction and discussions of child abuse**_

_**IF any of that triggers you beware of later chapters. As always thanks for reading.**_

_**This is a repost of my original story that I took down for personal reasons.**_

**Chapter 1: An Unexpected Goodbye**

Santana walked into the foyer of the home she shared with her wife and daughter. Something was off, but she couldn't really place it. It was dark of course. She had been working later and later, since being awarded the biggest case her firm had in a decade. It was really quite an honor, and she was on the fast track to becoming the youngest junior partner in the advertising department. Walking into the hallway towards the living room, she saw Quinn sitting in the dark, on the couch.

"Quinn?" Santana questioned, "What are you doing in the dark?

"I was waiting for you to get home, so I could tell you in person," Quinn answered flatly.

"Tell me what babe, are you ok, is Shannon ok?" Santana moved towards Quinn, starting to feel anxious.

Quinn just sat immobile putting up one hand to stop Santana from getting any closer, "Everyone is fine, Santana. Shannon is fine. Everything is fine, except our marriage, and I'm done. I'm leaving."

"Leaving? What the fuck do you mean you're leaving? You're not making any sense, Quinn, and I'm tired so can we quit speaking in code?"

Quinn stood abruptly and faced Santana with her arms crossed tightly across her chest, "Sure Santana, I'm leaving you. I'm leaving this sham of a marriage, and I'm filing for divorce. Is that clear enough for you, hon?"

Santana squinted and looked closely at Quinn's face. This must be some kind of a joke. She didn't even know they were unhappy. Well, that Quinn was unhappy. What she saw on Quinn's face scared the hell out of her. Quinn's features were tight with barely concealed rage, and her eyebrow was quirked up. The vein in her temple was throbbing like it always did when she was furious.

Santana reached over and clicked on the lamp, "what is it, what's wrong, did I forget something important again?" She turned back to the blonde expectantly.

Quinn just stood and stared at Santana.

"Quinn, babe, let's just get some sleep. We can talk about this tomorrow, I promise." Santana said wearily.

"I have been trying to talk to you for over a year, there is no tomorrow Santana, WE have no more tomorrows," Quinn bent over, picked up her purse and headed towards the door, "I will leave word with your assistant where I can be reached. We can make arrangements for me to get the rest of mine and Shannon's things."

"Will you stand still already and talk to me? Goddamnit Quinn, you are not leaving me, and you are not taking my daughter from me. Whatever THIS is, we can fix it, we can work through it. Babe, we've had hard times before, and we always worked it out," Santana said breathlessly starting to panic a little.

"There is nothing to fix anymore, Santana. I don't love you, not the way I should," Quinn sighed.

"What the fuck is that supposed to mean?" Santana huffed in disbelief, "we've been together for over thirteen years, since we were seventeen fucking years old, and we've been married for over seven years! That doesn't even merit a discussion with you?" She stood there with tears streaming down her face.

"San," Quinn softened slightly, leaning forward and putting her warm hand on the Latina's forearm, "You have always been my best friend, the mother of my child. You will always have a special place in my heart, but I am not IN love with you anymore. I cannot be here in this house with you anymore, I'm sorry."

"Look, Quinn, if this is about my job and the crazy hours, I'll quit. I don't care about the job or making partner, I love you, I love Shannon, I love us, our family. I will do whatever you want," She said, pouring her heart out to the blonde in front of her, "Please!" she said brokenly, "everything I have ever done has been for us, for all of us!"

"I know that, San, I do, really, but it's not enough anymore. I am not happy, and I cannot pretend to be happy. It's killing me. I did enough of that in high school, and I swore I would never do it again," Quinn gestured wildly, "I cannot live a pretend life ever again. It's not good for me, it's not good for you, and it's certainly not good for Shannon!"

"So breaking up her family is good for Shannon? That can't be the answer! Let's try marriage counseling," Santana tried desperately, grabbing at straws, "maybe we can find a way to make you happy again, make us work again. If it's the sex thing Quinn, I'm sorry, I'm just tired from all the crazy hours. I still want you babe, and you're still the most beautiful woman I have ever met!"

"It's not the sex Santana, I just fell out of love with you, it happens, people change, it's nobody's fault." Quinn said sadly.

"Bullshit, Quinn! We took vows; we said forever, I meant it, did you? People don't change that much that fast! Or is there someone else you plan on spending forever with?" Santana shouted.

"Of course I meant it! How dare you ask me a question like that! When would I have had the time to find that someone else, huh Santana? I have been here, being your wife, and Shannon's mom. I've been cooking, and cleaning, and going to bed every night, alone! I have been carpooling, and PTA'ing, and baking cupcakes for the kindergarten class. For God's sake, I am the class helper in charge of glue and glitter!" Quinn said, her voice raising an octave or two. "I gave up my career to be a wife and mother, and I was very happy to do it. But I feel like a prisoner now, I feel trapped, and I can't live like this anymore."

Well, at least she's starting to show some emotion thought Santana! "What am I supposed to think Quinn? We were happily married yesterday, and today you're leaving!"

"Jesus Christ, Santana! Will you listen to yourself? Will you listen to me? We were not happily married yesterday. We have not been happily married for well over a year!" Quinn yelled loudly, cracks starting to show in her calm exterior, "which you might have noticed if you had even been the slightest bit invested in this family! I will not become my mother! I will not live my mother's life!"

Santana huffed out a breath, feeling like she had just taken a huge punch to the gut. "Don't you dare talk to me like that, Quinn Fabray-Lopez! I am not now, nor have I ever been Russell Fabray. How could you even compare me to that drunken, prick, bastard, father of yours? I don't drink! I don't whore around! Hell, I have never even looked at another woman since you! I have never raised a hand to you! In fact, I have never asked you to be anyone but who you are, who you want to be!"

"Well, I want to BE just plain Quinn Fabray again!" Quinn said quickly regaining her composure.

Where is my daughter?" Santana growled dangerously, "I want to see Shannon!"

"It's after midnight Santana, and she's already sleeping," Quinn said in a defeated tone, "let's not do this San, let's not tear each other apart. We were always best friends first!"

"Sleeping where, Quinn? I want to see my fucking daughter. Oh and FYI, I am not the one tearing this family apart. You are!" Santana spoke quietly and calmly desperately trying to contain her rage, "You will not keep my daughter away from me!"

"I am not talking to you when you are this angry," Quinn walked the rest of the way to the front door. "You can see Shannon tomorrow. I haven't told her anything, and I would NEVER keep your daughter away from you! She adores you! "Quinn opened the front door and headed out. She stopped and turned around looking deeply into Santana's beautiful coffee brown eyes, the ones that used to turn her legs to jelly, and make her stomach do flip flops. She took a deep calming breath, "And this, is exactly what I am talking about Santana, you used to know that, you used to know ME!"

With that she left, shutting the door firmly behind her. She walked quickly to the elevator punching the buttons fiercely, hoping Santana would just let her leave without a fight.

She got into the elevator, punched the ground floor and hung her head and cried. Unable any longer to keep her closely guarded emotions in check.

Back in their apartment, Santana stood looking desperately at the closed door, "But I love you." She whispered quietly.

Suddenly, Santana became aware of the pain in her chest that made her feel like she was dying. She couldn't breathe, and she couldn't stand anymore. Her legs would no longer hold her. Sliding down to the floor, she put her head in her hands, and sobbed brokenly for what used to be_**.**_

_**to be continued...**_


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2: Heartbreak and Broken Promises**

Quinn got out of the taxi in front of the old brownstone in SoHo, and headed up the stairs. She knocked gently, and the door opened immediately.

Rachel Berry stood there in sweatpants, and her scarlet and gray Ohio State tee shirt looking concerned. She took in Quinn's puffy eyes, red nose, and splotchy face and immediately enveloped the blonde in a loving embrace.

Quinn clung to the brunette diva, and sobbed big, heaving, sobs into her friend's shoulder. The blonde didn't care about how she looked, or sounded. All she could think about was how devastated Santana looked, how shocked, how wounded. It hurt her deep inside to know she was the cause of that pain.

Rachel stood there gently rocking Quinn back and forth murmuring soft comforting words while kindly rubbing her back, "Shh Quinn, it's ok, really, it's all going to be ok, the hard part is over now, shh, it's ok, I'm here, I got you."

Rachel stood there patiently letting her friend just cry herself out. Quinn sniffed a few times and pulled back, wiping her eyes with both hands, "God, Rach, I made a total mess out of your favorite shirt!" Rachel shrugged, "it's washable and you are more important. Come on, let's go sit down, and I can make us some nice herbal tea, ok?"

Quinn sat down to wait, and Rachel returned a short while later with two steaming mugs of tea. Reaching for the tea Quinn asked, "How is Shannon, is she alright? She wasn't any trouble was she?"

Rachel giggled affectionately thinking about her little goddaughter, "She's fine, Quinn. She never even made a peep, let alone woke up. I checked on her twice while you were gone, and she is all wrapped up with her snuggle blankie, and Moose. She did have the comforter totally kicked off both times though, so I just tucked her little legs back under the covers, she never even stirred."

"Try sleeping with her! San used to say it was like sleeping with an octopus on crack!" Quinn smiled, then suddenly looked sad again, "San had no idea Rachel, I totally blindsided her. I really did think she was just denying everything, but honestly, she was completely clueless."

She cradled her mug in both hands close to her chest, "I really, really could have handled that better. I was just so afraid of cracking, you know, giving in and just staying. Especially when she started crying. I went right back to HBIC, and I was such a bitch Rachel. She is never going to forgive me!"

"Just give her some time Quinn, let her process things, you know how San is about emotional stuff."

Rachel set her mug down, and scooted over closer to Quinn, "you were gone a long time, I was starting to get worried that something bad happened, you know, maybe she got angry or something?"

"Well, she did get really angry at the end. She thought I was comparing her to Russell, but I was just saying that I wanted to live an authentic life, not my mother's phony life. She misunderstood what I was trying to say."

"Nothing happened right, I mean she didn't…" Rachel gently pried.

"Oh God no! She would never do anything like that!" Quinn looked directly into Rachel's eyes, "Santana Lopez is many things, but she has never been abusive, and she is an incredible mother. Shannon worships the ground she walks on, and Santana worships her right back."

Quinn blinked back the tears that had suddenly clouded her vision, "that is going to be the hardest part for both of them. Not living together anymore, or seeing each other every day, oh God Rachel, did I do the right thing?" Quinn put her head in her hands, and started crying softly. It hurt to think about the pain her little girl was going to have to go through.

Rachel placed her hand on Quinn's thigh, "You know I can't tell you that Quinn. I love Santana too but I do know that yes, as a parent, your child's welfare has to come first. But are you supposed to sacrifice any chance at personal happiness, just because you are someone's mother? I don't think it works that way hon."

"I know, and I have been so terrified of losing myself. Just the thought of becoming Judy Fabray was enough to scare the hell out of me. I have to tell you something Rachel, and you have to swear you will never, ever tell anyone. Do you swear?" Quinn begged suddenly looking desperate.

Rachel sat there for a moment deep in thought, "I want to swear, honest I do Quinn, but it really depends on what you tell me. If you told me you were hurting Shannon, or shooting heroin, or picking up sailors and bringing them home every night, I would have to say something, you know that right, you know I would have to because I love you!"

Quinn huffed out a frustrated laugh, "honest to God Rachel, you are still the most dramatic human being I have ever met in my life, shooting heroin, really?" The blonde just closed her eyes and shook her head, "it's not good but it's nothing like that, I promise."

"All right Quinn, but I reserve the right to tell someone if I think you are in danger. I swear I won't do it without checking with you first, ok?" Rachel said very seriously, as Quinn nodded her assent.

"After Shannon left for afternoon kindergarten, sometimes I …" Quinn stopped suddenly, "you know what, never mind, its nothing really."

The blonde tried to stand up as Rachel grabbed her forearm gently and pulled her back to the couch, "go on Quinn, after Shannon left for afternoon kindergarten, what?"

Quinn looked trapped and flushed a deep red, "sometimes I would drink, you know, alcohol" she said barely above a whisper.

Rachel leaned her head in closer so they were almost forehead to forehead, "I'm sorry Quinn, I didn't hear that. Can you repeat it please?"

Quinn jerked her head up, and raised her voice louder than was necessary, "I would drink Rachel, as soon as Shannon caught the bus. I would get drunk just to get through another afternoon, just so I could escape the feeling of the walls closing in around me, just so I could stop feeling trapped, and helpless, and useless, and lonely."

She stood up abruptly and started pacing around the living room with her arms crossed tightly across her chest, "I couldn't stand it anymore, the emptiness, the loneliness. I would swear I was not going to be my mother, and then the panic would become overwhelming. I couldn't breathe until I took a drink. Once I took the drink, I could relax and I wouldn't be so afraid. Until the next day, when Shannon would leave, and I was all alone in the house again, and the desperation would start all over again."

Quinn stopped and suddenly turned to face the brunette. who sat there looking shocked. She crossed the room, and knelt before her friend taking both of Rachel's hands in her own, "I had to get out Rachel, I was drowning, I was becoming my mother, I was this close to losing everything, my pride, myself, my integrity, my soul, Rachel, I was going to lose my soul." She rasped painfully, her eyes begging for understanding.

"Are you an alcoholic, Quinn?" Rachel asked sadly and softly.

"No, I am not an alcoholic, but I could be and I would be if I stayed." Quinn said with certainty, "Santana will never understand that, could never understand, she doesn't operate like that. She gets angry, and she is all bluster and bravado and starts swearing in Spanish but she gets it out and then it's over. I'm a Fabray, and we let everything eat us alive."

"I almost died inside after Beth, but you, and Santana, and Glee Club saved me. I have to save myself this time. I have to take control of my own life this time. I can't be married to Santana Lopez anymore. I don't love her like that anymore, and living a lie and trying to keep the marriage together for Shannon's sake, for Santana's sake was killing me!"

"Alright Quinn, it's alright, I won't say anything. But, I am going to be watching, and if I see signs you are becoming an alcoholic we are going to deal with it, do you understand? I love you and I love Shannon too much to watch you destroy yourself."

"Thank you Rachel, I'm not an alcoholic. I am going to be fine, you'll see, I promise," Quinn leaned forward and hugged Rachel tightly, grateful for the love and care she felt pouring from her friend, "I'm going to try and get some sleep now, Shan will be up bright and early, and I told Santana she could see Shannon tomorrow. Plus, I have to try to figure out what I am going to tell her about why her Mami and I won't be living together anymore."

"Don't think about that now Quinn or you will never get any sleep tonight!"

"God, what a mess this all is Rachel! Thank you for everything. I mean that, I know I don't deserve you, or your love, and friendship. I am so very grateful." Quinn said sincerely.

"Shush you, the past was over a very long time ago. We have been friends for far longer than any of that stupid high school nonsense! I told you I understood, and I forgave you a long time ago, so please; just let it go, ok?" She finished softly.

"Thanks Rach, I will never know what I did to deserve you, but I love you. Good night!" She leaned over, and placed a soft kiss on the singer's cheek.

"I love you too Quinn, I will see you, and my favorite goddaughter bright and early!" She waved cheerily over her shoulder as she headed down the hallway to her bedroom.

Quinn just groaned remembering what early birds her friend, and daughter actually were, "just make sure there's coffee available, please?"

She heard Rachel's beautiful musical laughter carry down the hallway.

Quinn stopped at the guestroom door. She carefully opened it, and peeked in at her sleeping daughter. She could hear the soft, steady, breathing as she quietly crossed the room to stand by the bed. From the soft glow of the nightlight, she could see her beautiful child peacefully sleeping on her side, hugging her Moose tightly to her chest.

Quinn placed her hand over her heart, as it took a little stutter beat as she panicked just a little. She loved this child so much, and was so afraid of destroying her life; of hurting her and making Shannon hate her, as she hated her own mother, "Maybe the Fabray's are cursed, maybe we can never be happy," Quinn thought melodramatically, "ugh, now I sound like Rachel."

Quinn bent down and smoothed the blonde curls off of her daughter's forehead, and placed a soft kiss on it, blinking back tears as she stared at her angelic little face. Quinn straightened the blankets and headed off to her own room. Stopping at the door, she looked back and whispered, "Good night baby, Mama loves you more than anything, and it will all be ok, I swear to you!"

Quinn pulled the door almost all the way closed, leaving it open just a crack. Shannon hated the door closed all the way, and Quinn was always afraid she might not hear Shannon in the night if the door was closed.

She stood there for just a moment, wondering why she was even considering going to bed. Quinn knew sleep was never going to happen for her tonight. She looked back towards the kitchen, "maybe a nightcap would help me get to sleep, and there is nothing wrong with one little drink."

Weighing her options, and shaking off a small lingering feeling of guilt, Quinn headed back towards the kitchen for her drink, dreading the next day and everything that had to be done.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3: As Dreams Die Under the Deep Blue Sea**

Santana cried herself out on the cold linoleum floor of the hallway. Just staring at the front door, hoping it would open, and Quinn would say she changed her mind, but Santana knew better.

Quinn was not known to vacillate; she was as strong minded and strong willed as Santana herself was. It had led to some passionate fights, and equally passionate make up sex between the two over the years.

She slowly and carefully pulled herself up off the cold floor, feeling so much older than her 30 years. She felt totally lost, and completely alone, and by instinct she headed to her daughter's bedroom.

Shannon's room brought her comfort, it had from the moment they brought her daughter home from the hospital. Before she had been born, Quinn had the idea to paint it to look like the bottom of the ocean; wanting to make it a soft lit, peaceful haven of beauty and peace for the baby.

The walls were covered from floor to ceiling with ocean colors, and everywhere you looked you could see sand, and corral, with sea plants seemingly floating in the waters tide. Dolphins, fish, and mermaids frolicked in the sea. The ceiling was painted to look like the sky with big, fat, fluffy, white clouds. Streaks of light seemed to filter down from the sky to the ocean floor.

One wall was painted white, and Quinn and Santana had hung a large fishing net from it. The family filled it with souvenirs from their vacation trips to the ocean. Sea shells, starfish, driftwood, and other eclectic and odd finds from the beach had found their way onto the net over the years. It became almost a work of art itself.

Santana had found a crystal clear treasure chest to be used as a toy chest, and Quinn had found an amber, glass, octopus lamp for the nightstand.

It was an incredible room, and Quinn being a fantastic artist had really outdone herself. The room was a labor of love for the two absolutely ecstatic new parents to be. They worked to make it an expression of the love they had for each other, and the new coming arrival.

It had turned out to be a completely peaceful, restful haven as Quinn had predicted. All three of them loved it, and would spend time in it together whenever possible; cuddling together and watching movies.

Once Shannon was three, and discovered the movie, Finding Nemo, Quinn painted some different characters to the wall. It just made the room all the more special for Shannon, who would want to watch the movie every day, all day, if she would have been permitted.

Santana came into the room and sat down on Shannon's bed, and turned on the little octopus lamp. It was still quite dark out with just a little light starting to filter in. The bed smelled like Shannon's favorite strawberry shampoo, and she closed her eyes and breathed in the scent of her only child. In pain, she lay down on the bed, closed her eyes and clutched Shannon's pillow to her chest. She remembered how she came to be so blessed.

-0-0-0- Flashback-0-0-0-

_**7 years ago**_

_The blonde beauty lay curled up next to her lover in a post love making haze. Her head was on her Latina's heaving chest, and her right arm and leg curled over Santana's chest and thighs. They lay there naked with the cool cotton sheets bunched at the foot of the bed._

_Santana ran her long delicate fingers through the beautiful, blonde hair of her wife, as they lay together completely sated after an afternoon of love making. "Wife, God, I can't believe she is actually my wife," Santana mused. _

_The wedding had really only been the culmination, the formality as they had been together, inseparable for the last six years anyway, but it made them legal. It bound them formally in a way Santana could not believe would fulfill her, but it did! "La familia, mi familia," she thought emotionally, "maybe it's all I ever really wanted and now I have!"_

_Quinn was rubbing soft little circles on the side of San's chest with her thumb, and San was humming softly. Quinn asked quietly, "Tana, do you want children? I mean, have you ever thought about it?"_

"_Not until I met you mi Corazon!" she replied honestly, "what about you baby, do you want kids?"_

_Quinn swallowed the lump in her throat, "I didn't think I ever would, after you know, Beth. But, I am so happy with you sweetheart, and I think a baby would just make us complete, you know, as a family?" She rambled hopefully._

"_So let's do it then!" San said suddenly._

_Quinn lifted her head up, and looked into warm, dark, coffee colored eyes "are you serious, Tana?"_

"_As a heart attack baby, one condition though!" She said putting her finger on Quinn's cute little nose, "You carry the first one, I want my first child to look just like su madre Hermosa. I want another little blonde, hazel eyed beauty just like you so I can tell everyone I am totally whipped by the blondes in my life!"_

_Quinn sat all the way up, and pulled the loose sheet up over her chest. She felt this conversation was a little too serious to have completely naked. Santana had no such qualms, as she lay there in all her glory, crossing her arms behind her head._

"_Tana, I thought maybe we could use a Latino donor, and our baby could look more like a mix of the two of us."_

"_I propose a compromise, ok Q, "she said with a crooked smirk, "We pick a blonde donor with brown eyes. A guy who is smart, creative, artistic, musical, athletic, funny; all the things we are and we make a little blonde baby with my eyes. Then, I will carry the next one from the same donor so our kids are real genetic siblings, and I get my blonde, and you get your brunette, deal?" she said sticking her hand out to Quinn._

_Quinn stared at her wife for a moment considering, "I don't want them to be far apart in age though, ok Tana?" Quinn said as Santana nodded, "Ok then, deal!" Quinn shook her hand with a big wide happy smile glued to her face._

-0-0-0-0-0-0-

Santana lay there musing sadly, lost in the past, "when did we stop being Q and Tana? I don't even remember when we stopped talking to each other." They had been so happy as parents. Raising Shannon and the life they had built together, everything seemed perfect to Santana. Clearly, she had missed a lot, "How did I not see this coming? I know Quinn buries everything inside, but when did I start missing all these clues? I used to be so good at figuring out what she wanted before she did! I really fucked things up this time!" Santana thought bitterly.

She had meant to carry the next baby right away, but work got crazy. Every time it came up, she was just too busy to take the necessary time off. She just kept relegating it to the back burner, thinking they had the rest of their lives to make it happen. When Quinn stopped talking about it, Santana just thought she agreed with her.

She looked over at the nightstand, and saw the picture the three of them had taken the last time they went to the beach. They were sitting on the sand with the ocean behind them. The sun was setting with all its blazing, majestic beauty of orange, yellow, and red. The sky was pink, promising a beautiful day again the next day.

Santana had thrown on a white windbreaker over her bikini, and was sitting cross-legged in the sand. Her legs were covered in the sand that Shannon had used to bury her. Her head was thrown back in laughter at something Shannon had said. She stared at herself, remembering how happy and relaxed she had been that day.

Shannon was in the middle of her two mothers kneeling in the sand. Her blonde hair slightly damp, and wind tossed. She had Santana's naughty smile. Quinn had called it their pirate smile. The little girl's mouth was opened in a big grin, revealing the tooth she had lost the week before, but it was Quinn who caught Santana's eye.

Santana had seen this picture a million times. Every single time she had read Shannon a story, or tucked her in at night, but she had never noticed before. Quinn looked as beautiful as she always did; her hair golden in the rays of the setting sun, the little pink sunburn that extended cutely over the bridge of her nose and her cheeks, her flawless smile. But tonight, for the first time, it was the faraway, sad look in her wife's eyes, she noticed. Quinn's smile did not extend to her eyes, they didn't twinkle like they usually did when she was happy, in fact, they almost looked dead.

A fresh wave of tears started as she realized she was never going to have that baby with Quinn now. The little brunette baby with dark eyes she had promised her wife all those years ago was a dream that was now as dead as her marriage. Santana cried herself to sleep, sobbing as everything that mattered to her just slipped away.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4: Compromising and Peace Keeping**

Quinn woke up disoriented when her cellphone indicated a text had arrived. For just a moment, she didn't realize where she was, or where Shannon was, and she panicked a little.

Then the events of last night came back to her, and anxiety washed all over her. She realized she was in Rachel's spacious guest room. She heard Shannon giggling and Rachel shushing her. She instantly felt a little less anxious, as she thought about her beautiful little girl.

She checked her phone nervously, knowing instinctively it would be Santana. **We need to talk…about Shannon when can we meet I need to see her ~ S.**

Suppressing an irrational surge of irritation, she texted back. **We r at Rach's come after work she has a show ~ Quinn**

She was not surprised to see an immediate response. **C U at 5. ~ S. **

Quinn took a deep breath, and bit back the urge to write a flippant response about having heard that one before. But, she knew Santana never broke promises when Shannon was concerned, so she swallowed her bitterness, and kept it simple and light. **OK C U at 5. ~ Quinn**

_**-0-0-0-0-0-0-**_

A short while later, after pulling herself together, Quinn wandered into the kitchen amused as always at the mess Rachel and her daughter always seemed to make together. It really didn't matter what they were doing, a mess was sure to follow.

"Good morning baby, morning, Rach," Quinn said with fake happiness, "I see breakfast is being served, ALL over the kitchen!"

Shannon spun around with a cute look of guilt on her tiny face, until she noticed she was being teased, "Hi, Mama! Aunt Rachel and I made your favorites, waffles!"

"Excellent baby, those are definitely my favorites. How about a hug and some coffee first though ok? Mama has a bit of a headache!"

Shannon flung her arms around Quinn's waist, and squeezed her tightly. Quinn put both hands on daughter's head, and fluffed her wavy blonde hair. She looked over at Rachel and received a sympathetic smile from the little diva, "How'd you sleep Rach?"

"Oh Quinn, you know me! Daddy always used to say I could sleep standing up in a phone booth during a hurricane!" She laughed merrily, "How about you, sweetie?"

"I do NOT share your gift unfortunately, but I did manage an hour here and there. Thanks for keeping my little monkey occupied this morning," Quinn laughed out loud as Shannon released her, and started bouncing around the kitchen doing her best chimp impression.

Gratefully accepting a cup of coffee from Rachel, she turned to Shannon, "ok baby, calm down, I have a surprise for you. But, I am not going to tell you until its quiet and calm around here again!"

Rachel smirked, "It's been quiet and calm around here? And I missed it?" She put her arms around her goddaughter, and kissed her neck, "Oh you mean when this one is sleeping?"

Shannon giggled adorably, and looked up lovingly at her Mama, "I'm being good now, I promise! Tell me the surprise mama, please tell me!" she jumped up and down excitedly.

"Well, your Mami texted me, and she is stopping over tonight to see you… us," Quinn corrected quickly, smiling brightly at her little girl.

"Oh yay, oh yay, oh yay" Shannon yelled brightly, dancing around the kitchen island. Quinn noticed Rachel's look of concern.

Quinn walked over to Rachel, and laid her warm hand gently on her friend's arm. She spoke softly, so Shannon couldn't hear, "It will be fine Rach, no need to be concerned. Shannon is her world, you know that!"

"I know that Quinn, and I know Santana will be on her best behavior. I am just worried about all three of you. Emotionally, you know, this is a big deal for all of you!" Rachel whispered back.

Quinn patted Rachel reassuringly, and turned to her still dancing daughter, "so where are those waffles I was promised young lady?" she said mock seriously with her hand on her hip, and her eye brow quirked.

-0-0-0-0-0-0-

Santana woke up in her daughter's bed, completely and emotionally spent. She rolled over on her back and stared at the happy sun and fluffy clouds on the ceiling. She silently prayed for strength and guidance. Santana's faith and reason for being, revolved around her family, and that had always been her wife and daughter.

She didn't know what to believe anymore, but figured it couldn't hurt to pray at this point. She had nothing more to lose. It did make her feel slightly better thinking someone could see her pain, and still love her. Despite all her faults and God knows they are many, at least according to Quinn, she thought bitterly. She bowed her head, calling on her early Catholicism, and asked for help.

She sat up and looked at the clock and groaned. She was grateful, in the midst of everything that happened last night; she had enough presence of mind to take the rest of the week off.

She sent a quick text to Quinn, and setup a meeting. She needed to talk a hot shower, it would help her think. She had a lot to think about, and knew that was not going to be possible without clearing her head, and lots of strong, black, coffee.

_**-0-0-0-0-0-0-**_

At 5:00 PM sharp, Santana exited the elevator in Rachel's building. She leaned wearily against the wall, "keep it together, you can do this, just breathe and keep it together for Shannon. Show face Santana, you can do this!"

Pushing herself off the wall, she walked the rest of the way to Rachel's door and rang the bell.

Smiling broadly, she blinked back sudden tears when she heard Shannon squeal, "Mama, hurry up Mamí is here!" The door was ripped open, and Shannon launched herself at Santana.

Santana picked up her wiggling and squirming daughter, hugging her tightly. She carried her into the living room, and gently set her feet on the floor. She looked down at the excited little girl, and said sternly, "Shannon Grace, are you supposed to open doors without a grown up present?"

Shannon looked down at her feet, and shuffled a little under her Mamí's stare.

"She most certainly is not! And you know better young lady. We have talked about this before!" Quinn said adamantly, as she walked into the living room wiping her hands on a dish towel.

Shannon glimpsed at her Mama, and saw an equally unhappy glare. She muttered lowly, "But I knew it was Mamí, and I was just so happy!" thinking how unfair it was to be scolded for just being happy. Her little face showed her irritation with being scolded.

Santana cringed, "Well, there is no doubt she is mine. She never knows when to shut up," she thought as she noticed her wife's angry, red face. She knelt down before her little girl, and took her hands, "Look at me ladybug, you _thought_ it was me, but you didn't _know_ for sure it was me. You are not to do that again. This is not the first time your Mama and I have talked to you about this. Anyone could be standing at that door, and we just want you to be safe, ok?" Shannon looked at her Mamí with such sadness. She nodded so urgently that Santana felt her heart melting, "Now, apologize to your Mama for talking back, and then give me a kiss already!"

Shannon turned to her Mama, and said sadly as a tear rolled down her cheek, "I'm sorry Mama, honest, I didn't mean to talk back."

"Ok baby, but next time you open the door without a grown up present, there will be consequences, and you will be punished. Do you understand me? Now give your Mamí a great big kiss!" Quinn said gently, instantly calming down as she wiped the tear from Shannon's cheek with her thumb.

"Santana really is an incredible mother," she thought, as she glanced at her wife who was currently trying valiantly to keep her emotions in check. Quinn noticed the dark smudges under her eyes, and the semi-rigid way she held herself. Little signs only Quinn would notice, and felt pangs of guilt knowing she was at least partially responsible for Santana's pain.

Santana picked her little girl up, and went and sat on the couch with Shannon on her lap. She listened to Shannon chatter on about kindergarten, and waffles, and monkey's, and her friends, and soccer practice, and Aunt Rachel's new show, the child never took a breath. Santana just relaxed into her, and gave Shannon her full attention. She let everything else go as she laughed, and nodded, and felt calm and at peace again.

Quinn sat across from them, and let them carry on. She loved watching them together, always had. They had a connection that was palpable, and had from the very first moment their eyes met on the day Shannon was born.

She had struggled with little bouts of jealousy about it. Motherhood did not come as easily to her, as it seemed to come to Santana. She knew she had her own unbreakable bond with Shannon and she relaxed in time.

Santana had always told her it was because she had younger siblings and Quinn did not. But, her insecurity was not always so easily assuaged and she struggled for a long time. Quinn fought her doubts, and struggling with depression during her pregnancy. She also struggled with a serious bout of post-partum depression, as thoughts of Beth tormented her.

At every one of Shannon's milestones, she mourned Beth all over again. Without Santana and her compassion and understanding, the grief would have buried her. She was very grateful for that support, and idly wondered if she had ever voiced that to Santana.

After about an hour of nonstop chatter, Shannon excused herself to go to the bathroom. Quinn and Santana just sat quietly, not talking to each other, and avoiding eye contact. When their daughter returned, Quinn interrupted the two before they could start all over again, "Hey monkey, can you go to your room and give Mamí and me a few minutes to talk?"

Shannon pleadingly looked at Quinn, "but Mamí just got here!" she crossed her arms over her little chest, and said darkly, "besides, it's not my room!"

Quinn gave her little girl "the look" that had intimidated full grown men, and said quietly, "Would you prefer to go play in your room for a little while, or go to bed right now, it's your choice, Shannon Grace?"

"Play, I guess," Shannon knew better than to push her Mama after getting "the look" as her Mamí called it.

"Good choice, now go. Your Mamí and I need some time to talk. Please shut your door quietly, no slamming!" Quinn said in an exasperated tone.

Shannon stalked off down the hallway, and shut the door as forcefully as one could without slamming it.

"What's with the attitude?" Santana asked, as she crossed her legs, and nervously straightened her clothes before looking over at Quinn.

"Your guess is as good as mine. That just started. I suppose she is angry with me about us staying here." Quinn said staring off down the hallway.

"About that," Santana saw an opening and took it, "I think you and Shannon should come home."

"I said all I had to say on that subject last night, Santana." Quinn said firmly as she looked directly into Santana's dark brown eyes, Shannon's eyes.

"I mean you and Shannon should come home, and I will stay at the company apartment in the city. I can make arrangements for a place closer to home, uh the house," Santana quickly clarified, "it's her home Quinn, her special room, her friends, her yard, her school, this is going to be hard enough without changing absolutely everything that is familiar, and feels safe to her."

Santana took a breath to rein in her temper, "She's already acting out a little. It has to feel really weird for her right now. Stay at the house Quinn, besides you love that house, and you know it."

"I appreciate the offer Santana, but it hardly feels fair considering the split was my idea!"

Santana huffed impatiently, "Shannon is who matters here Quinn, her stability, her feelings, not mine, not yours!"

Quinn felt her hackles rise a little bit, as she felt slightly insulted by her wife's comment, "I realize Shannon is the one who matters, alright! I was just not expecting you to say that! Or have the house be an option! Give me a day or two to think about it, ok?"

"Fine, but I really don't know what you need to think about. I'd like to take her out for pizza or tacos. I haven't spent any time with her in days."

Now Quinn huffed impatiently, "well Santana, whose fault is that? You're the one working 80 hours a week lately, and I'm not sure I appreciate your tone either! Are you asking me, or telling me that you're taking her out?"

"Do I need permission to take my own daughter out to eat?" The Latina snapped. Santana recognized the warning signs of an upcoming argument. That was not what she was trying to accomplish today. She willed herself to calm down before speaking, "would it be alright if I take Shannon out to eat? You are welcome to join us if you would like?"

Quinn could see how hard Santana was trying, "No thank you, but I am sure Shannon is getting hungry by now. I really haven't prepared anything for tonight; please have her home by 8. She needs a bath, and I am trying to keep up her normal routine as much as possible." Quinn stopped herself before adding snidely, "See I do put our daughter first!"

"That's a good idea, Quinn. I will have her home by 8. If you wouldn't mind, I'd like to get her bathed, and tucked into bed myself. I miss that. It might help us all."

"Perfect, I didn't sleep very well last night, so I'll just read a little and probably fall asleep early. Just knock on the guest door, and let me know she is home, and in bed before you leave?"

Santana had the urge to cross her arms and snap, "It isn't her home," but decided she really wasn't up for another round of fighting tonight, and that would surely set off Round 2. Besides, she didn't think she could carry it off any better than her 6 year old did earlier. She definitely didn't want to see "the look" so she just answered gently, "ok, sure."

Quinn stood up to go get Shannon ready. Santana just sat back against the couch cushions relieved they had avoided any major fireworks.

-0-0-0-0-0-0-

Quinn watched as her little blonde monkey and Santana walked off down the hallway hand in hand, before gently closing the door. She stood there for a long time after she heard the elevator doors close; unsure exactly of what she was feeling. It definitely wasn't good.

It was going to be a long night. Rachel was gone for the night, as she stayed in her apartment in the city after a show. Shannon would be gone for hours yet. Quinn felt the walls start to close in on her again. Her constant companions seemed to be despair, desperation, loneliness, doubt, and fear. They were with her night and day. They hounded her. The only relief, albeit temporary, came from a bottle.

The problem was, it was taking more and more alcohol for Quinn to get any relief. That scared her too. It was like, she couldn't get drunk, and she couldn't stay sober. Getting relief from the tremendous anxiety and despair was all she thought about anymore. She was sure getting out of the house and away from Santana would cure her. The move had failed; she had gotten only momentary relief.

She had talked to the doctor about her anxiety, and sleepless nights. He had prescribed her Ativan and Ambien, after she reassured him she didn't drink. Quinn couldn't understand why her life was falling apart. It had to be Santana. She had promised a family, more kids, but instead she worked unreasonable hours, and was never home. Sometimes, late at night, Quinn wish she had the courage to kill herself. She'd think of Shannon and Beth, and knew she was a coward. Sighing heavily, she moved back away from the front door. She was too afraid to live, and too afraid to die. She didn't know what options that left her? She must just be crazy. It wouldn't surprise her, her parents and her whole damn family was certifiable.

She wandered into the kitchen. What she needed to feel better was always there. She grabbed a bottle of wine, and a glass and headed off into her bedroom. She felt immediate relief as the door clicked shut the door behind her. At least she would have some privacy for a while.


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5: Hard Truths and Bitter Pills**

Santana and her little chatterbox were polishing off their pizza, and enjoying some quality time together for the first time in weeks. The Latina looked at Shannon and realized how much she had missed, by throwing herself into her job.

She really thought she had been taking care of her family the best way she knew how. Now she realized, there really was no substitute for being present in Quinn and Shannon's daily life. Money was definitely not everything, especially if it meant missing moments like these with her baby girl.

"Maybe Quinn has a good point; I all but abandoned her and Shannon these last few months." Santana thought to herself as she vowed to change things for the better. She would prove to Quinn she could be a better wife.

"So, ladybug," Santana said trying to get Shannon's attention as she moved the dirty plates off to the side of the table, "can we talk?"

Shannon giggled in the cutest way, looking up at her Mami with milk and pizza all over her face, "we have been talking silly!"

Santana smiled back at her daughter in complete adoration, as she wiped her little face clean. Shannon squirmed and giggled, trying to avoid the wet wipe. Santana leaned over and kissed her gently on her nose, "I mean about something serious and important."

Shannon knit her brows together and gathered her face in a determined look. There was no doubt that her birth mother was Quinn Fabray. The child was a Quinn clone with brown eyes. "Ok Mamí, I can be sterious!"

" Mamí?" She asked after a few seconds.

"Yeah bug?" Santana turned her complete attention to the little blonde in front of her. Shannon was clearly trying to work something out in her head.

"What is sterious?" Shannon asked. She was clearly irritated that she couldn't work the word out on her own.

Santana bit back a chuckle, and studied Shannon's earnest little face for a moment, "that's a really good question ladybug, it means that it's something that might not be fun to talk about. We have to be really really honest with each other, and we have to try hard to think about our answers. Serious means not joking around when we talk about it, does that make sense, sweetie?"

Shannon nodded her head up and down in complete agreement, "I can be sterious, Mamí!"

Santana leaned forward, and rubbed her nose on Shannon's nose in an Eskimo kiss, "the word is seer – ee – us," she enunciated clearly.

"Well, Mamí," Shannon scolded, "you are not being very seer – ee - us right now!" she pronounced clearly, looking at Santana for approval on how she said her word.

"You are right on both counts bug, so let's get down to our talk, ok?"

"Is this about me and Mama being at Aunt Rachel's house?" She asked sadly.

Santana was a little surprised; she knew Shannon was very smart. Clearly, she had an inkling that something weird was going on between her mothers. Santana would have to remember to mention that to Quinn. They really needed to talk to Shannon about all these changes, sooner rather than later.

"Well, not exactly sweetie." Santana said seriously, "I noticed you were talking back to your Mama a lot tonight. It's just not like you to be disrespectful, want to tell me what's going on?" She asked taking a sip of her water.

Shannon flushed a light pink, and bit her bottom lip in an exact imitation of her Mama. She looked down at the table top, and shrugged her little shoulders quickly.

"Sweetie, you know you can tell me anything, right? You can tell both me and Mama anything. We love you all the way to the moon, and the stars, and back. No matter what baby, you can tell us anything, because we will always love you, and be there for you!" Santana said gruffly as she started to get a little choked up.

Shannon just kept staring at the table top rubbing little designs on it with her fingertips. A sure tipoff to Santana that she was upset or nervous about something, it was Quinn's tell as well.

"Ladybug," she said gently and softly to the little girl in front of her, "Mama thinks you're mad at her. Is that true?"

Shannon immediately looked up at her Mami, dark eyes flashing dangerously, as a mini-HBIC glare crossed her normally sweet, little face.

"Well, at least she comes by it honestly, having two mothers who were the biggest bitches in high school. We are going to have to keep an eye on this little temper of hers." Santana thought quickly before focusing back on Shannon.

"So, you are angry?" Shannon tried to shake her head no, but Santana was not going to let her bury her feelings that easily. "Shannon, it's ok to be angry. It is not ok to lie to me or to Mama, right?"

"I guess." Shannon said so softly she could barely be heard.

Santana leveled her own HBIC glare at her daughter, "you guess?"

Shannon squirmed under the glare, "No Ma'am, it's not ok to ever lie to you or Mama, or I get in big trouble." She finished nodding sagely.

"That's right, big trouble, so why don't you tell me why you are mad at Mama? Then, we can figure this out and fix it."

"I can't tell you, Mamí." She said sadly. Santana's heart just about broke wide open, "please tell me baby girl. I can't stand to see you so upset. I promise you whatever it is, we will all find a way to work it out."

"It will make you sad, so I can't." Shannon said adamantly.

"Did Mama say something mean about me?" Santana guessed.

Shannon looked up at her Mamí in alarm, her mouth forming a perfect O.

"It's ok sweetie, sometimes grownups get angry and say things they don't really mean. We are still a family baby, honest." Santana tried to smooth things over, and explain grown up emotions to a fragile 6 year old.

Santana saw the belligerent look on her daughters face, and longed for the days when Shannon believed everything that came out of her mouth.

"Then how come I got in trouble and had to go in time-out for calling Nicole dumb? She is just a stupid little baby who doesn't even know what I mean?" Shannon started angrily, her eyes instantly filling with tears.

"Shannon," Santana said firmly, "let's talk about Mama right now. We can talk about Nicole later, ok?"

"Fine!" Shannon sat back and crossed her arms in complete annoyance. Uncle Kurt's daughter was just a big pain anyway, always getting into her things.

"I gotta get her out of Berry's house, before she learns the diva storm out as well." Santana thought darkly.

"I'm waiting," She said out loud to Shannon.

"Well, she used great big words, but she was yelling and waving her arms around. She was mean the way she said it," Shannon tried to explain.

Santana was totally confused, "who was Mama talking to baby?"

"Aunt Rachel, and even SHE said Mama was being mean! I don't like it when she is mean to you."

"Mama said all this stuff in front of you?" Santana had a hard time believing Quinn would bad mouth her in front of her daughter, but then again this new Quinn was different than the woman she married.

"No, she and Aunt Rachel thought I was sleeping." She looked embarrassed again.

"So, Mama and Aunt Rachel were having grownup talk and you listened when you were supposed to be asleep. Then, you got mad at Mama for what she said. Is that right so far?" Santana said sternly.

Shannon shook her head yes.

"So you have been talking back to Mama every day and being naughty, because you think she said mean things about me? And that made you mad at your Mama?"

Shannon shook her head yes again.

"Do you see the problem here, ladybug?" Santana said firmly but gently. Shannon sighed and shook her head yes.

"I'm sorry Mamí. I shouldn't have faked being asleep so I could hear Mama talking to Aunt Rachel," Shannon said sadly.

"I'm not the one you need to say sorry to, am I?" Santana said understandingly, "How bout we talk to Mama together. You can tell her you're sorry for being naughty then?"

"Ok Mamí, are you mad at me?" Shannon said close to tears.

"No baby, I am not mad at you. I love you for wanting to protect me, but I am a big girl and Mama and I sometimes get mad at each other. That's big girl stuff, ok? You don't ever need to worry about big girl stuff, until you are a big girl. You need to worry about little girl stuff like Nicole drooling on all of your toys." Santana reached over and pulled Shannon into her lap. "¿Entiendes?" she pulled her ladybug close to her, and kissed her on top of her blonde head.

Shannon cuddled up against her mother, and wrapped her arms around her instantly feeling safe and loved. Shannon replied seriously, "Sí Mamí, I got it!"

Both mother and daughter were quiet for a moment. They enjoyed being close like this. After a few minutes, Shannon spoke up again.

"Is Mama gonna be mad at me?" She whispered into Santana's chest.

"Well, I don't think she is going to be very happy that you were pretending to be asleep, and listening to her grown up talk with Aunt Rachel. I know she isn't happy that you have been naughty every day. Sweetie, she loves you, and wants to know what's going on with you all the time, just like I do, ok?"

"Do you think I'm gonna get in big trouble?" She pulled her head back and looked at her Mamí, her little chin quivering slightly.

"I'll talk to her baby girl as long as you promise to tell one of us the next time something is bothering you, do you promise?" Shannon shook her head yes and snuggled back up into her warm and soft Mamí.

"All right, let's get you back to Aunt Rachel's apartment. We have a bath, and a bedtime story to read!"

-0-0-0-0-0-0-

Santana and Shannon got home to a quiet apartment. The light was softly glowing under Quinn's bedroom door, but there was no sound indicating Quinn was still awake at all.

Santana tried knocking lightly; she wanted to talk to Quinn about some of the things she found out at dinner. She need to bring them up to her, before Shannon talked to Quinn.

She gently pushed open the door to see Quinn fully clothed lying on the bed fast asleep. Santana noticed the empty wine bottle and glass on the nightstand, and stood in the door unsure what to do.

Shannon came up behind her and said innocently, "Mama likes that pretty blue bottle. She sleeps with it a lot," She said pointing to the wine bottle.

Santana looked incredulously at the bottle on the night stand, and tried to shush her daughter.

"It's ok, she won't wake up. Mama never does until the morning," Shannon turned and started towards her bedroom, "Can I take some toys in the bath, Mamí?"

Santana stood in shock in the doorway taking in everything in front of her. It didn't make sense. Quinn never drank to excess. She hated her alcoholic parents. Clearly though, she has been drinking and for a while. Shannon seemed to think it was normal behavior for her mother. That meant her daughter had witnessed it on more than one occasion.

Santana felt her heart in her throat, remembering a drunken Russell and Judy Fabray and the pain they had caused her wife. Her heart thumped painfully and erratically. She would not let Shannon grow up like that.

She walked over and tried to wake Quinn up, but she could not. She looked over and noticed the bottle of Ambien on the nightstand. She picked it up in shock. "Jesus Christ, she is mixing alcohol with sleeping pills, what the fuck is going on?"

Shannon stood in the doorway, clearly annoyed, "Come on Mamí, I want to take my bath now!"

"Watch your tone young lady! I'll be right there!" Santana said automatically, still in shock.

-0-0-0-0-0-0-

An hour later, Shannon was clean, in pajamas, and ready for bed. She had fallen asleep while Santana read The Wind in the Willows to her.

Santana sat and stared at the angelic, little, blonde, beauty she adored. She thought this must have been exactly how Quinn looked when she was the same age.

Santana got all choked up thinking of the innocent beautiful little girl Quinn must have been, and all the damage her parents had caused.

She pushed her baby's curly damp hair off her forehead. She kissed her fiercely while tears dripped from her face onto Shannon's pillow.

"God, what have I done? Is this my fault? Did I drive her to this? How did I miss Quinn slowly falling apart?" She got up, and turned on the night light for her sleeping child. She pulled the bedroom door almost shut.

Walking back into Quinn's room, she sat on the side of the bed, and cleared her throat. Quinn never moved.

"I love you babe, and I am not going to let you destroy yourself, or this family. We can get through this, I swear." She cried painfully choking out the words through the tears and heartbreak. She sat for a long moment with her head in her hands. She let the pain wash over her until she felt she could move again.

She stood up and moved around the bed, gently straightening Quinn's arms and legs, like she did every night for Shannon. She pulled the covers up over her passed out wife, and tucked her in sweetly. Leaning over, she pushed Quinn's blonde hair off her forehead, and gently kissed her, almost exactly as she had kissed their daughter a little while ago.

Walking into the living room she started pacing furiously. She was unsure what to do next. She didn't feel comfortable leaving the two blondes alone in the apartment. Shannon was asleep, and her mother was passed out. She knew Rachel wasn't coming home tonight, "Fuck, what if there is a fire, or an emergency? Quinn is so out of it, she would never wake up."

That thought both scared her, and pissed her off. She quickly whipped out her cell and texted Rachel. _**Call me asap this is urgent~Santana**_

She sat down on the couch to wait for Rachel's call.

-0-0-0-0-0-0-

Santana was startled awake by her cell ringtone playing the Munchkin song from The Wizard of Oz. She rushed to answer it before she woke Shannon up.

Before she even got one word out a frantic Rachel was screaming in her ear, "What happened Santana is the baby ok, is Quinn ok?"

"Calm down, everyone is fine. Me too by the way, thanks for asking," She replied in the bitchiest tone she could muster for having been jarred awake. She momentarily forgot she was the one who demanded Rachel call her.

"You said urgent, Santana! Urgent usually means someone is dead or dying!" Rachel replied indignantly, ignoring the Latina's outburst.

"Only in drama queen land Berry, in the real world, urgent means very important!" She snarked.

"God, my heart is beating out of my chest! You scared me half to death! I knew you had Shannon tonight, I thought something terrible had happened to the baby." Rachel said shakily.

Santana immediately softened hearing the genuine concern Rachel had for Shannon.

"I didn't mean to scare you ok, but this is really important," Santana offered as close to an actual apology as she was ever going to make to Rachel Berry. They were friends, but she was still a little irritated and felt that Rachel had taken Quinn's side over her.

"Fine, what is so important?"

"How much has Quinn been drinking?" Santana said getting straight to the point.

"What are you talking about, Santana?" Rachel was honestly confused. Quinn had told her she had been drinking a little before she and Shannon had come to stay with her, but her friend had sworn to her that it was not an issue.

"Don't fuck with me Berry, I am in no mood. I brought Shannon home from dinner to find my wife passed out in her bed. She's fully clothed and apparently taking sleeping pills on top of the booze. According to our 6 year old daughter, this is a regular occurrence!"

What!" Rachel screeched at a decibel level Santana was sure had alerted every sleeping dog in New York City.

"Jesus Rachel, you just blew out my eardrum!" Santana grumbled, pulling the phone away from her ear.

"I'm sorry, I was just shocked. Quinn told me she was drinking a little to help deal with some sleeping issues. She had been drinking a little because of your marriage issues, and because she was lonely and bored. She assured me it was not a problem, and she was fine. I swear Santana! I love Quinn, rest assured I would have never swept something like this under the carpet."

"I believe you Rachel, I think she has been doing a good job of hiding things from all of us and that is pretty scary in and of itself. I mean, why would she hide her drinking unless she was ashamed of it, or afraid what you and I would think of it?" Santana reasoned logically.

"Well, she does have a lot of shame still about her parents and their addiction; maybe she is just trying to avoid questions or accusations." Rachel reasoned back.

"I don't know Rachel, but this scares me. Taking sleeping pills on top of booze is just stupid. Quinn is a lot of things, but she has never been stupid!"

"Do you want me to come home tonight, Santana?"

"No Rach, you have to be totally exhausted. Can you come home early tomorrow though? I might need Shannon distracted while I talk to Quinn."

"Of course, I can, what about tonight though?" Rachel asked worryingly.

"I will sleep on the couch, and make sure everything is alright tonight."

"Take my bed Santana; it's a lot more comfortable than the couch. There are extra clothes in the dresser. I will get home as soon as I can in the morning."

"Thanks Rachel, you're a good friend to all of us. I shouldn't have been so bitchy before. I'm really sorry all this got dropped in your lap like this."

"I love all of you Santana, you guys are my family and Shannon is my goddaughter, I would do anything for my family, you know that." Rachel said thickly and Santana could hear tears threatening to fall in the tiny diva's voice.

Santana swallowed heavily for a moment, feeling overcome with so many emotions, "We all love you too Rachel, and I know we all think of you as family. Shannon adores you, and even pulled a diva move at dinner you would have truly been proud of." She said trying to lighten the seriousness of the situation.

Rachel chuckled, "I think we need to worry more about her inner HBIC than any diva moves I could teach her."

Santana huffed, "Ain't that the truth!" Rachel laughed out loud. "Thanks again Rachel, and I'll see you in the morning."

They both said goodbye, and hung up, neither of them expecting much in the way of sleep tonight.


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6: Saving A Very Private Quinn**

Santana had indeed spent a sleepless night. She had gone into Quinn's room at least three times just making sure her wife was still breathing. The idea of her combining alcohol with sleeping pills just terrified her beyond belief.

She couldn't imagine the blonde being that stupid or reckless or neglectful of Shannon's welfare. Quinn hadn't woken up once, what if Shannon was sick or needed her Mama? What if there was a fire? What if, what if, what if…..

The more the Latina thought about it, the more upset she got. The more upset she got, the more pissed off she was. Santana didn't do upset or pissed off well. She knew this about herself.

She would go off like a stick of dynamite, and say things that she could never take back. Quinn would withdraw into herself, and get cold and distant. It was a pattern they started in middle school, and one both women had worked hard on changing once they realized they were in love.

Unfortunately, in times of great stress or emotion both could revert to old behavior and be very hurtful towards each other. That had happened too many times in the last year and Santana realized sadly tonight that she was as guilty as Quinn.

She knew she was working too many hours and gone too many evenings. The Latina had justified it by claiming that it was only until she made partner. It was a lie she had told herself, she knew that now. In reality, she fell into the same stereotypical behavior of her parents. She earned the money and her wife took care of the house and raised the children. "Some lesbian I turned out to be." She thought humorlessly.

Sadly she realized tonight that Quinn knew it was a lie as well, but seemed to blame herself; doubt herself, and Santana's love for her. It became clear to Santana that Quinn did what she always did; she withdrew and left first before Santana could leave her.

Something Santana would never do. She was still as madly in love with her wife as she had been the first time they made love in High School. It was a knife in Santana's chest to realize her actions had caused her beautiful hazel eyed blonde to doubt herself as well as Santana's love.

So maybe, Santana thought, everything Quinn said the other night about their relationship was a lie or at least an exaggeration and that meant perhaps Santana could fix things and have her family back.

The Latina realized she had allowed herself to become defensive and angry, constantly trying to defend her own behavior without hearing what Quinn had been trying to tell her for the last year and she was very upset that she had missed so many clues about what was going on right under her own nose in her own home.

She blamed no one but herself for that. Sadly she knew that it had gone beyond the point where she could fix this by herself. Quinn would have to admit some hard truths and be willing to change, and that was going to be difficult.

Quinn was proud and fierce when she felt threatened but deeply insecure and so easily believed she was unlovable. Her friendship with Rachel after their years of pain and competition gave Santana hope. Quinn had admitted she was wrong and had softened towards the diva and became as good a friend to Rachel as the singer was to her. It had been Quinn's idea to make Rachel one of Shannon's godmothers.

It had been a wonderful choice, Shannon adored her Aunt Rach and the feeling was mutual. The bond had cemented the diva's place in their family and Santana was grateful she would have Rachel in her corner. The pint size singer was fiercely loyal and protective of those she loved and she never backed away from a fight as well, she just did it with more tact and finesse than either Quinn or Santana possessed. Traits they would need if they were going to save Quinn and their family.

Shannon needed both her mothers. She needed a united family. Her anger at Quinn, her misbehavior and her casual acceptance of Quinn's drunken behavior was the final straw for Santana. Granted Shannon was too young to comprehend what Quinn was doing but genetically, Shannon was Quinn's biological child and Santana would not allow her to believe that drinking was an acceptable way to cope with life's difficulties. Shannon had a genetic predisposition to addiction just as Quinn did and Santana would fight that with everything she had.

Santana's first instinct last night when she discovered Quinn was to angrily confront her. After hours of self-examination she realized that was the worst thing she could do. Quinn would just close herself off and coldly distance herself from anyone who tried to help her especially if she felt Rachel was helping Santana or felt backed into a corner.

She had done the same thing the summer after Beth was born, senior year when she had closed herself off from everyone and then again for a short time after Shannon was born. Each time, Santana was terrified that the blonde beauty was lost to her forever. Quinn had always drawn on her inner strength and with love and patience had always found her way back.

Santana prayed Quinn could find her way back again, at least one more time. Santana swore to whoever was listening that she would never take her family for granted again if she could just get one more chance.

She sat there with tears streaming down her cheeks and waited for Rachel to arrive.

-0-0-0-0-0-0-

At 6 am Rachel quietly let herself into her apartment. She had also spent a sleepless night and had spent most of it deeply afraid for her best friend. Her dramatic nature had led her to imagining all kinds of horrible scenarios, each one worse than the other.

Rachel would not lose Quinn now, not after how many years it took for them to become best friends. She would not allow Santana to lose the love of her life or Shannon to lose her Mama. Most importantly, Rachel would not allow Quinn to lose herself again.

They had not even been friends when senior year started and Quinn had quit Glee and become a person no one recognized. Rachel had always been able to understand Quinn's fear, grief and insecurities. That's why she had allowed herself to reach out to Quinn over and over again throughout the years and why she had completely forgiven the blonde and accepted her into her heart without reservation.

Rachel Berry had loved her dad's with all her heart but her inclusion into the Fabray-Lopez family had filled the empty space Shelby had left in her heart and soul with her abandonment. Being chosen to be Shannon's godmother had healed all the old wounds between her and Quinn and Santana. She felt whole again. She would protect this family, her new family, with everything she possessed.

She wanted to talk to Santana before Quinn woke up. She knew Quinn was not a morning girl, but Shannon was, so Rachel hoped she was home early enough.

She found Santana awake, sitting in the dark living room, sipping coffee looking more broken than Rachel had ever seen the Latina. The diva wondered in awe, how she had ever feared the Latina.

Santana looked up slowly and attempted a small smile that came across as a grimace, "hey Rach, so I see you got lots of sleep too eh?" She said softly as not to wake up her ladybug or her wife.

Rachel sat down sadly next to her friend on the sofa and gratefully accepted a sip of her coffee, "ugh this is awful, I forgot how sweet you like your coffee!" Santana just chuckled. It was the first genuine laugh she had in days. One day she would have to examine why irritating Rachel always made her laugh. She shook her head; at least it wasn't malicious these days like it used to be.

"I've been thinking all night Rachel and I cannot catch Quinn off guard like this and confront her. I need to really come up with a strategy and maybe talk to someone who understands addictions. You know her, she will just get angry and dig a hole and bury herself in it." Rachel just shook her head in agreement. "I have to think about this for a while before I say anything to her."

"What about monkey? She knows you saw Quinn passed out last night, what if she mentions that to Quinn?" Rachel reasoned.

"I thought about that, and that may actually work in our favor."

"How so?" The diva questioned.

"You know what a great mother she is; if Shannon says something to Quinn she will be consumed with guilt. She doesn't get defensive or cold with Shannon like she does with everyone else. It would kill her if she thinks her behavior is hurting our daughter. Since Beth, the only real goal I have ever heard her talk about is being a great mother, being better than her own ever was. If she thinks Shannon sees her like she used to see Judy it would cause her to look at herself. I bet money she thinks she has hidden this from everyone, especially Shannon."

"I agree except for one thing, I looked into her eyes when I asked her if she was an alcoholic. She was not lying to me; she really doesn't think she has a problem. We can't wait too long though Santana; this whole mixing pills with alcohol is terrifying to me. She could easily die accidently. "

Santana growled in frustration, "Do you think you're telling me something I don't know Berry? I have been checking on her all night long to make sure she was still breathing. I am terrified. I cannot lose her, she is the mother of my child, the love of my life and I would die for her." Her eyes glistened with passion and unshed tears.

Rachel looked away from the unbridled passion and pain in her friend's eyes and painfully swallowed the lump in her own throat, "I know San, I know." She said softly and patted her friend's thigh awkwardly, "We're all afraid."

"Sorry Rachel, I don't mean to take out my frustrations on you. I know you love her. She loves you too, we all do. I appreciate that you're here for all of us. She is going to need a good friend Rachel, especially now."

"I don't know if Quinn ever told you this but senior year, it was your intervention that was the turning point to her coming back to us."

Rachel looked up quickly with a shocked expression on her face, "My intervention?" She said with confusion.

"Yes Rachel, you, when you went to her under the bleachers and told her Glee was a family but was an incomplete one without her in it. That was the spark that got her thinking. It's what started her trip back to us. She couldn't believe how fearless you were confronting her in front of the Skanks. She said that everyone always underestimated your courage, and your capacity for love and forgiveness."

Rachel was deeply moved and didn't know what to say. She was stunned that Quinn had that kind of insight into her character. Rachel had always half believed that Quinn became friends with her out of guilt not out of genuine love and respect.

Most days she knew that wasn't true but at times she would have some self-doubt and self-pity and her old beliefs from high school that she was irritating and unlikeable would pop up and make her doubt their friendship. Her own mother had not wanted her, so at times it was hard to believe others could accept her for who she was.

Santana saw this conversation getting too saccharine sweet for her taste so she threw in some humor as she stood up to put her coffee mug back in the sink, "Oh yeah, she also said you were a total bad-ass when you were pissed and no one knew that either. Actually, I'm kinda counting on your bad-ass side to help get us through this."

Rachel let out a genuine laugh at that and softly said, "How can I help?" Following Santana into the kitchen.

Santana rinsed her mug and leaned back against the counter, crossing her arms across her chest. Rachel recognized it as a classic Lopez defense mechanism. "This is going to be so hard Rachel, for all of us and on top of it all, we have to protect Quinn from herself without her knowing. We have to keep it secret from her and we have to protect Shannon as well without Quinn knowing we doubt her or suspect her. On the other hand, we have to confront her without her scurrying down some rabbit hole and putting up walls so high and thick we will never get her back. You need to keep me on track. I will blow this, you know I will. I cannot give in anger but I am so fucking pissed off right now, at her, at her piece of shit father, at her useless mother. "Santana rubbed her face with both hands, running her long slender fingers through her dark thick hair.

"So what do we do, do you have a plan?"

"Fuck no! I don't have a plan; I am still completely freaked out by all of this. I have no idea what to do. I want to slap some sense into her. I want to bundle her up in a blanket like the scared little girl she can be sometimes and keep her safe. I want to kill her, I want to save her. I have no fucking idea Rachel, none. I need to get out of here before both my girls wake up though and I need to think this through and come up with a plan."

Rachel had been holding her feelings in all night and couldn't take it anymore, especially with Santana looking like a small frightened child so with a soft sob she threw herself into Santana's arms.

Santana awkwardly hugged the tiny singer and patted her back gently hoping that Rachel would let go of her soon. She could not handle the diva's breakdown when she was so close to one herself.

Rachel was so quiet and Santana could only tell she was crying from the gentle shaking of her shoulders and the slight hitches in her breath and the soft wetness she could feel on her neck. Santana could only take so much emotion though and was about to end this love fest and leave when both of them were abruptly startled by a very pissed off disheveled blonde standing in the doorway.

"WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?"


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7 Unlikely Bedfellows**

Quinn had a blinding headache, her mouth was dry, and she felt like she had been hit by a truck. She walked blindly into the kitchen to get a bottle of water and some aspirin before trying to go back to sleep. She came face to face with Rachel in Santana's arms. At first she thought she was dreaming, the two had come a long way since high school, but they still were not exactly best friends. This embrace looked intimate, and Quinn immediately jumped to a jealous rage.

She was incensed. Rachel was not supposed to be home, and Santana was in the same clothes she wore last night when she took Shannon for dinner; clearly this was a walk of shame for both of them!

"WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON!" She yelled as loud as her head would handle without splitting open.

Rachel and Santana jumped apart, and turned to the blonde both looking guiltier than Quinn had seen them in a long time. They both stood there with their mouths open and an "Oh shit" look on their faces. Had she not felt so jealous and threatened, she would have actually laughed. She had seen the same look of guilt on Shannon's face when she caught her sneaking candy out of her Mami's desk drawer.

"Na nnn…" Santana cleared her throat, "Nothing babe, why?"

Rachel looked at the Latina in total disbelief, "She is a god-awful liar." The diva thought to herself. Well Santana was clearly not going to be helpful she would just pull from her superlative acting skills.

"What Santana means Quinn is that nothing untoward is happening here, I had a terrible night last night for some reason," she actually grimaced saying that, she hated admitting that she was not 100% perfect in any performance even if it was a lie but she would force herself to do this for Quinn and her family, "I was quite distraught and I did not want to wake you as you have been under so much stress and so tired as of late."

Rachel looked to Santana for assistance with her story but the Latina was just nodding her head up and down looking like one of those inane bobble head dolls. Rachel rolled her eyes at Santana in complete irritation.

Quinn looked at the two and said in a still angry and unconvinced tone, "Really, so how does my wife fit into this unlikely scenario and why is she still wearing the same clothes she had on last night?"

Suddenly Santana came to life, "Wait a minute, you think that me and Berry, that we, oh my god, I don't sleep with midgets!" She started laughing hysterically.

Rachel and Quinn looked at her completely irritated with her obvious amusement over the situation.

Santana continued to laugh as she held onto the counter top for support.

Rachel had clearly had enough; she hissed at the Latina, "It is NOT that funny Santana Fabray-Lopez! It is actually quite understandable that Quinn would jump to that erroneous conclusion giving the intimacy of the scene she just walked in on! Besides, I will have you know I am quite desirable to members of both sexes, I get at least 10 marriage proposals via fan mail per week!" That just set Santana off in fresh gales of laughter.

The tiny diva was clearly mortally insulted and stamped her foot, "Stop that braying immediately, you sound like a damn hyena! It is not funny!"

Quinn looked back and forth between her best friend and her wife taking in the unlikely scene in front of her as Santana tried desperately to choke back her laughter. She really needed Rachel as an ally and couldn't afford to completely piss her off like this.

Santana said sincerely, "I'm sorry Rachel, really, that just came out of left field, obviously you are a very attractive woman just not for me," she said in a more placating tone, "I only have eyes for my wife!" She met Quinn's hazel eyes that always flashed bright green when she was angry and held them hoping to convey her love through them.

Quinn was still not convinced, "Clearly Santana, as I have been just smothered lately by all the attention you have showered on me over the last year or so." She exclaimed in a cold and bitter tone.

Santana swallowed down the rage and poisonous words that jumped to her mind and almost out of her mouth. She needed to remain calm. Throwing the recently acquired knowledge she had of Quinn's drinking at her out of anger would destroy any chance she had of helping her wife.

Rachel seeing the tense and angry posture of Santana immediately jumped in, "Santana must have fallen asleep with Shannon last night and they looked so sweet together I didn't have the heart to wake either of them, I opened your door and you were completely out as well so I came into the kitchen to make some herbal tea and I started to cry. Santana must have heard me because the next thing I knew she was beside me asking me if everything was alright. I just was beside myself Quinn and not thinking clearly and I threw myself at your wife for comfort and support, but only as a friend, I swear that on my life!"

Quinn thought that explanation really did sound like something Rachel would do and while comforting anyone let alone Rachel was not her wife's strong suit, she knew as well that Santana was helpless in the face of a pretty girl's tears; whether her daughter, her wife, or Rachel. If Rachel had indeed thrown herself into Santana's arms crying she would have been too shocked to do much at all. Quinn replayed the moment in her head and realized that Santana had looked extremely uncomfortable even before she knew the blonde was present. She conceded to herself she had made a mistake in her assumptions.

Still blaming Santana for all of her unhappiness though, she refused to apologize to her wife, "Well, I am sorry you had a bad performance Rach, but I would bet it was not nearly as bad as you presume." She walked over to the steel refrigerator and grabbed a bottle of water.

"Well thank you Quinn for your vote of confidence, I am sorry if we disturbed your sleep so early in the morning." Rachel said, "How are you feeling this morning, did you sleep well." She continued the charade.

"Sleep?" Santana thought, "more like passed out and she's clearly hung-over as hell" Santana tried not to stare at Quinn's disheveled appearance knowing it would only irritate the blonde if she mentioned anything this morning.

"Not very well Rachel but thanks for asking," she said pointedly throwing the dart clearly at Santana, "I was going to try to lay back down for a little bit before monkey gets up if you are sure you are alright now?"

"I am fine now thanks Quinn, go ahead and lay down, I will be up for a while if Shannon wakes up."

Quinn started to walk out of the kitchen and stopped and looked at Santana, "thanks for taking Shannon last night; she misses you a lot when you're gone." She actually managed in a more gentle tone as it was hard to be bitter when she talked about her daughter.

"Of course Q, I miss her as well every minute I am away from her, just like I miss you when I am away from you." Santana hoped no one heard the crack in her voice.

Quinn looked shaken for a moment at her wife's use of her long unused nickname; it had been a term of endearment for so long that she didn't realize how much she missed hearing it from Santana. She felt long dormant emotions pass over her like a wave, "I want you to know that I will seriously think about your offer about the house. It would probably be best for Shannon to be at home right now and around familiar things."

Santana was shocked at the civility she was receiving from Quinn at the moment. She knew when the blonde felt vulnerable she put up the walls and became the old HBIC in an instant. The Latina wanted to preserve the moment so she decided to give the control of the conversation to her wife for now, "Whatever you think is best Quinn, really, I want to make sure both you and Shannon are safe and comfortable. Besides I am sure with all of Rachel's numerous marriage proposals, she is going to need her space back one of these days!"

Rachel looked quickly at Santana and saw only love and a mischievous glint in Santana's eyes so she played along, "Of course, any day now! Hey I wonder if Prince Harry is allowed to marry a Jew. I've always had a thing for gingers you know!" She said in obvious merriment. All three women laughed at her joke, glad that order had been restored.

"Anyone as long as it's not that douchebag Jesse!" Santana said in obvious irritation, she still hated that guy! Quinn shook her head in agreement, not overly fond of Jesse herself.

Rachel just huffed in amusement, "You two are impossible, that was high school for crying out loud. I am going to take a shower before the munchkin is up demanding food and cartoons!"

Quinn started off for her bedroom, "I will talk to you later Santana and thanks Rachel, just wake me up when Shannon is up."

Santana and Rachel just waited for a moment and then Santana started to speak but Rachel put a finger up to her lip and peeked around the corner to make sure Quinn was indeed back in the bedroom. She turned to Santana and nodded for her to continue.

"Jesus that was close, I had no idea you were such an excellent liar Berry!" The raven haired beauty whispered looking at Rachel with new found respect.

"It's not lying Santana it's performing! Not that you would understand the finer points being the world's worse liar yourself!" Rachel whispered back fiercely.

"God this woman is a miniature pit-bull," Santana thought fondly, "I am glad you are with me on this Rachel, I am going to need your strength and Quinn and Shannon are going to need your love and friendship as well. I couldn't think of anyone I would rather have protecting my family if I can't be there than you Rachel and I mean that sincerely!"

Rachel's eyes filled with tears and she took a step toward her friend. "Fuck Rachel, don't start with the waterworks and hugging again or I'm never going to say a nice word to you again!"

Rachel looked at her badass friend and laughed softly, "Fine! I will just wait and absorb all the love and compliments I received from you last night and today and cry in the shower." She then put on a mock glare and said sternly, "Just don't think I am going to forget anytime soon your insulting amusement of the idea of us as lovers!"

Santana leaned forward quickly and planted a kiss on Rachel's cheek, "God help the man or woman that lands you Berry! I am leaving now before Shannon gets up. Are you sure you are ok with all this?"

Rachel nodded her head sadly, "Quinn's in trouble San and she needs us. We can get through this, I promise!" Rachel put her hand gently on Santana's forearm.

"All right Rach, I am going to go think this through and talk to someone professional and try to come up with a plan. Remember not a word until we come up with a plan!"

"I won't, now beat it before Shannon sees you or you will never get out of here today!"

The two friends shared a smile with each other both knowing they were in for the fight of their lives.


	8. Chapter 8

**Flashback Chapter**

Quinn went back to Rachel's spare room to lie down for a little longer. She took a long swallow of cold water and washed down some aspirin. She glanced at the night stand and noticed the empty wine bottle and her Ambien prescription. The blonde realized she had drunk more than she had intended last night which completely explained how bad she felt this morning but she couldn't believe she would mix sleeping pills with alcohol no matter how drunk she was. She quickly counted the pills and realized she had indeed taken a sleeping pill last night on top of an entire bottle of wine. She felt alarmed by that, how could she not have taken Shannon into account. The blonde felt tears run down her cheeks as she realized she was losing control of her drinking more often lately. She tried but honestly could not remember a thing after Santana had taken Shannon to dinner and she had retreated to the bedroom with her new bottle of wine. Praying that Rachel and especially Santana had not noticed the empty bottle next to her bed she conceded to herself just how bad that looked. She got up and wandered over to the closet to hide the empty bottle until she could throw it away properly without Rachel noticing.

Moving aside her clothes to hide the bottle she noticed the red outfit in the cleaners bag in the back. She grabbed it off the rack and saw the bag also contained the white outfit behind it. They must have been among the clothes she had grabbed from her closet at home when she had left in such haste that evening.

She smiled and held the bag to her chest as memories came flooding back to her of a much happier time and a much happier Quinn.

_**FLASHBACK: 4 YEARS AGO ~ OCTOBER 31ST HALLOWEEN**_

Quinn stood leaning against the doorway to her living room with her arms crossed watching in amusement as her beautiful wife sat on the floor trying to teach their newly turned two year old the finer points of saying, "Trick or Treat!"

"Seriously ladybug, this is probably one of the most important phrases you will need to learn until you have to say the words Marry Me Beautiful!" She looked back at her hazel eyed beauty and threw her a cheeky wink filled with promise, "These three little words are the key to free candy for at least the next ten years."

Quinn felt herself blushing under the Latina's mischievous grin as she laughed out loud at the absurdity of her wife, "That's assuming she is going to marry a woman Tana!"

Santana grinned her crooked pirate smile at the blonde behind her and got up quickly pinning her to the wall, "Of course she will, she has her Mami's outstandingly good taste in women, how about a holiday quickie gorgeous?" She said seductively as she started kissing her wife's neck taking little nips and licking her way up to her earlobe causing Quinn to gasp in surprise as she grabbed the Latina's firm ass and pulled her closer to her body. Quinn laid her head back against the door in order to give Santana easier access to her pulse points.

Shannon was not happy at the loss of attention by her number one fan, and made her displease known immediately, "Mami kiss me!" She yelled banging her blocks on the floor.

Both women groaned in frustration at the interruption and Quinn leaned forward and said breathily in Santana's ear, "I will put her down for her nap and meet you in the bedroom in 15 minutes. Make sure you are completely naked." She licked her wife's bottom lip and moaned into Santana's mouth when the Latina sucked Quinn's tongue into her own mouth and deepened the kiss.

Santana broke the kiss leaving Quinn breathless and panting against the wall. She walked over and scooped up her daughter and kissed her messy blonde curls and her nose and both cheeks gently and reverently, "I could never forget my favorite girl now could I ladybug?" She walked towards her wife and gently handed off their daughter.

"That was just a taste of what you will be missing for a full 15 minutes Q, don't be late." She smacked Quinn's ass and headed off towards the bedroom smirking as she felt Quinn staring at her backside the whole walk down the hallway.

Quinn closed her eyes against the lustful feelings for a moment and then turned to the little blonde on her hip, "C'mon monkey, naptime! Goodness what your Mami does to me! You will be so lucky if you find someone as special as your Mami, yes you will baby!"

Shannon looked up at her Mama with her chocolate brown eyes filled with adoration, gave her a big lopsided grin as she put both hands on Quinn's cheeks and gave her a big sloppy kiss. Quinn just giggled as she carried her to her bedroom. "Yep, definitely Tana's daughter." She thought in amusement.

Thankfully the little blonde was tired so it only took one story and one song for Quinn to get her to sleep. She usually seemed to know when her mothers were trying to get her to sleep and stubbornly refused all attempts to get her to nap.

Quinn continued to rock her little angel until she was sure she was really out and gently deposited her into the crib and covered her with her snuggle blankie and tucked her favorite stuffed animal, Moose next to her. She leaned over and kissed her daughter's forehead and smoothed the unruly curls off her face.

Brittany had presented Moose to Shannon on her first birthday and spent the day doing Bullwinkle imitations for their daughter and Shannon hadn't let that animal leave her sight since. Quinn was terrified of the day that animal wore out or came apart in the washing machine as Shannon drug it everywhere she went. Santana was always grumbling that Shannon was going to take that "stupid animal" on her honeymoon after walking it down the aisle first. Quinn was pretty sure her wife was just jealous of the attention Moose got.

Both Quinn and Santana made sure they had it with them wherever they went after a particularly painful episode when they had accidently left Moose at Rachel's house and Santana had to make a 3am emergency drive back to get him just to calm down a hysterical Shannon.

They forever referred to it as the "Great Moose Disaster of 2017" and neither ever doubted the power of the moose again. He was the first thing packed and the first thing unpacked always.

It was rather humbling to be aware you came in third place behind a stuffed moose and your wife in your daughter's eyes but Quinn was madly in love with her daughter and Shannon could do no wrong.

The blonde gently closed her daughter's door most of the way and quickly made her way to her own bedroom shedding clothes as she went in eager anticipation of what was waiting for her behind door #1.

Santana had candles lit all around the room and soft music playing on the radio and was laying back against the pillows with a big smile on her face, "You had three more minutes Blondie and then I was coming for you! She has that stupid animal?" Santana asked frowning; she did not need to be interrupted while getting her sexy on. How her own daughter could be such a cock block, she would never know.

Quinn removed the last of her clothes and made a running leap onto the bed causing both of them to laugh out loud, "So we have 45 minutes tops, what do you want to do?" They had learned quickly since the baby's birth that foreplay was not always a pleasure they could afford.

"What I want to do Blondie is bend you over the kitchen table and fuck you senseless with the strap-on!" She pulled Quinn onto her chest and kissed her deeply and passionately and quite thoroughly.

"Hmmm baby," the blonde moaned, "while I am not adverse to being fucked senseless by you with the strap-on, I just cleaned the kitchen from top to bottom, how about we just stay in here, why let all this beautiful candle light go to waste? Besides I thought you were still traumatized from when Rachel walked in on us doing that exact same thing?"

"Ugh, don't remind me," Santana grumbled, "I had to listen to her lecture me about proper hygiene in the kitchen for weeks."

Quinn laughed out loud as she got up to get the toy from their drawer.

Santana had collapsed on Quinn's chest and lay there in a daze and out of breath, "ohmygod Q, you are so damned sexy, it's always like the first time with you, I love you so much!" She pulled the blonde into another deep sexy kiss massaging her tongue with her own as she rolled Quinn's nipple between her thumb and forefinger feeling it stiffen under her demanding touch.

"Quit talking woman! "Quinn growled as she suddenly flipped the Latina over and rolled on top of her wife. She started kissing down the gorgeous tan body under her and felt a stab of desire at her core when she felt how wet her wife was for her. She parted her wife with her fingers gently as she dove in nipping and tasting as Santana entangled her hands in blonde hair and pulled Quinn closer jerking her hips with each swipe of her wife's incredible tongue.

Quinn quickly found the hard nub and started to play with it sensuously. She licked it and sucked it into her mouth and licked under it and bit it gently and then pulled back and started all over again, driving the Latina mad with desire. Quinn could hear her little moans and cries and slipped one finger into Santana's hot wet channel.

She pushed it in and rubbed it along the top wall and curled it as she brought it almost all the way out again, never losing her rhythm with her tongue. Santana was making sounds like a little kitten crying and Quinn knew she wasn't going to last much longer.

"Q please baby, more, more , more…" She chanted out in jerking breaths. The blonde obliged adding another finger and increasing her rhythm while slowing down her tongue just to torture the Latina a little bit. She grinned when she heard the frustrated moan and felt the hands tighten in her hair as Santana directed Quinn right back to where she wanted her, "Oh God, yeah, right there, like that, oh, oh, oh more like that!" She finished out with a long loud scream of Quinn's name as Quinn felt her tighten around her fingers.

Quinn left her fingers in and gently rubbed the soft spongy sweet spot to help Santana ride her orgasm out. Gently lapping up everything the Latina was giving her. Santana was jerking her hips uncontrollably and panting heavily. She pulled Quinn gently by the hair until she crashed their lips together moaning at that first taste of both of them on her wife's tongue.

They were both spent and laid there in silence gently drifting off to sleep.

Quinn heard Shannon babbling first through the baby monitor. It sounded suspiciously like twicks and tweets. Quinn smiled a beautiful smile and gently leaned forward and kissed her sleeping beauty on her beautiful sex swollen lips. "Hey beautiful, sounds like all your hard work has paid off!" She said softly into her wife's ear.

Santana sleepily opened one eye and muttered, "What are you talking about baby?"

Quinn just giggled cutely and pointed to the monitor, "Listen."

They both turned to the monitor and were rewarded with the sweet high pitch voice of their two year old saying, "twicks and tweets, twicks and tweets"

Santana got a huge grin on her face and pumped her fist in the air, "Yes, that is my badass daughter alright and you wanted to dress her up as a fricken bunny rabbit!" She said in aggravation as she sat up in the bed listening to Shannon try to get the saying right.

Quinn just rolled her eyes and her eyebrows shot to her hairline, "As if I would let you dress my daughter as a zombie!" She said in equal aggravation sitting up as well, "Besides I think a Power Ranger is a badass enough compromise and you have no idea what hell it was to find that costume in her size!"

"Yeah but Q zombies are seriously badass," Quinn just held her hand up, "Fine but really, did it have to be the pink power ranger, seriously?" San whined.

Quinn slapped her wife not so gently on her naked thigh, they had been over this repeatedly, "The pink Power Ranger is cute and badass just like our daughter! Come on we have to get her fed and bathed before we get dressed up and take her out." Quinn made a face, "And we both need showers, we smell like sex and that will not do!"

Santana just wiggled her eyebrows and Quinn in open invitation and the blonde just chuckled, "You're insatiable, you know that horndog?"

The Latina just blew out a breath, "Please it's the sex addict blonde I am married to, she is trying to kill me!"

"Jump in the shower while I feed Shannon and then we can switch, I'll shower and you can bathe her and get her dressed! NO ZOMBIE COSTUME! I mean it or I will never do that thing you love with my tongue again!" Quinn smirked when she heard Santana grumbling.

The little pink Power Ranger was the hit of the block as she went from door to door sweetly repeating the catch phrase her Mami had spent so much time teaching her. Everyone oohed and awed at how sweet she was when she lisped, "Tanks you!" and smiled sweetly. She absolutely refused to wear the Power Ranger mask so everyone could see her beautiful little face and sweet little smile. She was so excited and insisted on walking without the stroller. She was already a stubborn little girl just like her Mami and Quinn knew she was in big trouble one day when she hit her teen years. Today she was just an adorable happy little girl.

Santana and Quinn walked hand in hand behind their toddling daughter from house to house making an incredibly attractive couple. Santana was dressed head to toe in white complete with a halo and wings, her black raven hair down straight over her shoulders and back, her tan caramel colored skin looking gorgeous against the snow white costume. Quinn had on the sexiest devil costume Santana had ever seen complete with horns and a pitchfork. Her shoulder length blonde hair curled around her face and her hazel eyes flashing gold and green with delight.

"You better quit looking at me like that angel before you get thrown out of heaven!" Quinn said seductively as they walked behind Shannon to another house.

"I don't need heaven baby, as long as I have you!" Santana put her arm around her wife proudly and pulled her close as Quinn sighed in contentment and put her head on her angel's shoulder.


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9: The Shit Has Hit The Fan**

Quinn woke up completely disoriented. She looked over at the nightstand and saw it said 4:00 but she honestly had no idea if it was AM or PM. There was no light filtering into her bedroom through the light proof shades so that didn't help either.

Immediately she panicked, where was Shannon? She jumped out of bed and hurried into the living room to find Rachel and Shannon curled up together on the couch under a big warm blanket. Shannon was sound asleep. There was a half empty bowl of popcorn on the end table.

Rachel looked up and smiled, "Hey Sleeping Beauty, I was starting to get a little worried about you, feeling ok?"

"I'm fine Rach, you didn't have to watch Shannon all day, why didn't you come and wake me up?" Quinn said a little embarrassed.

"It seemed like you could use a break, besides monkey and I had a great day together. We went to lunch, to the park, walked to the pond and fed the ducks and came back and had hot cocoa, popcorn and a movie, as you can see I wore her out!"

Quinn chuckled in amusement, "I think the 6 year old is supposed to wear the adult out Rach, not the other way around."

Rachel got up gently, carefully laying Shannon down and covering her with the blanket. She started to pick up the dirty dishes and mugs and Quinn followed her into the kitchen, "Want something to drink Quinn?"

"I would kill for a cup of coffee." She immediately replied. Her head was pounding and she was always feeling anxious for no reason these days.

"How about some orange juice instead, I haven't seen you eat in days." Rachel countered.

"I've been eating, I promise." Quinn quickly replied, she really hadn't been but she didn't want to make Rachel worry.

Rachel poured her a glass and handed it to Quinn, "Here you go, Vitamin C, can't have you getting sick with all the stress you're under."

"Thanks Mom." Quinn smirked at her friend. The blonde tried to pick up her juice but her hands were shaking so hard she was afraid it would slosh right out of the glass. She hoped the brunette hadn't noticed as she quickly set the glass back down.

She had always been so embarrassed when her mom used to shake like that in the mornings but now it was happening to her and she felt a level of disgust with herself. "I'm just overtired and stressed." She lied to herself pushing the thoughts away so she didn't have to think about it.

Rachel looked away before Quinn noticed she saw her hands shaking and said casually, "I am going to go jump in the shower and then go out for a bit, do you need anything?"

Quinn, still deep in thought just shook her head no.

"Ok then, oh Shannon has only been out for about 20 minutes and we didn't eat any dinner yet, just a little popcorn and cocoa after the park." Rachel headed off to get ready to go out.

She was glad that Quinn didn't ask what she was doing or who she was meeting, she didn't want to lie but she couldn't really tell her best friend she was meeting Santana without stirring up questions and problems.

Quinn waited until she heard the shower running and Rachel singing before she poured a very generous amount of vodka in her orange juice. She took a long drink and her hands immediately stopped shaking but the blonde didn't really notice, all she knew was her father's voice that was always in her head shut up and the tight panicked feeling in her chest relaxed and her stomach unknotted.

She chugged it down quickly and poured a small amount of orange juice in her glass and filled it up with vodka again. She eyeballed the bottle and was sure Rachel would notice how low it had gotten so she brought the level back up with a little bit of water. She would have to remember to buy another bottle soon. She put the bottle back in the freezer. Quinn quickly drank down the rest of the contents of her drink and washed her glass.

She poured a diet coke and went to sit in the living room until Rachel left for the evening. The blonde felt a warm soft glow that started in her stomach and radiated out to the rest of her body. She felt better already, more human, like everything would be ok.

Drinking made her calmer and then she coped better with life and wasn't anxious and life didn't hurt anymore. Surely that made her a better person, a better parent and a better friend. What was the harm in that? "I'll stop when all this divorce mess gets settled." She thought to herself.

0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0

Shannon had woken up in a foul mood. She was not at all happy that her Aunt Rachel was gone and her Mama was home. She had promised her Mami that she would behave better but she was still very angry at her Mama.

She missed her bedroom, she missed her Mami, she missed her friends and her Mama was always crabby. She didn't like this at all and no one would talk to her and tell her what was going on.

Her Mami called every single night to talk to her before her bedtime but it was not the same and she was really missing her. She knew her Mami had been working a lot before they moved and wasn't always home for dinner or to tuck her in but Shannon remembered earlier, happier times.

The little blonde remembered all of them laughing around the dinner table and telling stories about their day. She remembered her Mama giving her a bath and washing her hair gently and sweetly humming a song or singing to her. She loved it when her Mama sang to her. She hadn't done that in a long time.

Bedtime was her favorite time with her Mami, they were always reading stories and books that her Mami had loved when she was Shannon's age. She would lie down next to her Mami and cuddle up feeling safe and warm as she listened to her story and tried to imagine going to all those far off places. They would giggle about special things and her Mami would kiss her and tuck her in and whisper, "Te amo mi corazon." She still said it every night but it was different over the phone.

Now her Mami was not with them and her Mama never paid any attention to her except to tell Shannon to be quiet or behave. Only her Aunt Rachel was acting normal but even she kept telling her to be a little quieter and not wake her Mama up.

It seemed to Shannon that her Mama was always in that stupid room. How much sleep did one person need anyway?

Shannon sat alone in the kitchen eating a bowl of cereal. "We never used to have stupid cereal for dinner." She thought angrily. She was already in her pajamas since the last time she had snapped at her mother. Quinn was sending Shannon to bed early for talking back to her. They had been on each other's nerves all evening and both blondes were very unhappy with each other.

Quinn sat in the living room and glanced in the kitchen again, "What is taking her so long; it's one bowl of cereal." She thought in aggravation. Her head was starting to pound again and her buzz was wearing off. Quinn was feeling anxious again and she wanted a few glasses of wine before Rachel got home.

Shannon needed to get to bed already so she could relax and unwind. Quinn had also had quite enough of her daughter's backtalk and bad behavior to last a lifetime. "I know she doesn't act like this with Santana!" She muttered angrily under her breath.

She huffed loudly and got up and walked into the kitchen, "Aren't you finished yet Shannon Grace, you have been in here forever?" The blonde spit out.

"I don't like cereal for dinner." Shannon muttered.

"There are lots of little starving children that would be very grateful for cereal for dinner." Quinn said automatically.

"So send it to THEM, I hate it." The little blonde said under her breath, a Lopez to her core.

"I beg your pardon little girl, just who do you think you're talking to? You have been awful ever since you woke up and I don't appreciate your attitude. Perhaps you would just like to go to bed hungry tonight?" Quinn said sternly.

Shannon looked up angrily, stormy brown eyes meeting stormy hazel eyes, "Mami hasn't called yet, it's not bedtime!"

"Bedtime is when I say it is!" Quinn stood there with her arms crossed glaring at her misbehaving daughter. She was really getting fed up with all the attitude she got every time they talked.

"BEDTIME IS WHEN MAMI CALLS!" Shannon yelled banging her hands on the table and knocking the bowl of cereal and milk over, spilling it on the table and onto the kitchen floor.

Quinn was livid. Shannon had never screamed at her before and she would not tolerate it. Now she had a mess to clean up as well.

Quinn grabbed her little girl by her upper arm and ripped her out of her chair and dragged her to her bedroom. "You are being a very bad girl!" She yelled at the top of her lungs.

Shannon had never seen her Mama like this. She was the princess. Her mothers had never really yelled at her like that in her entire life and it scared her, "Mama I'm sorry, I won't be bad anymore, I promise. Mama please you're hurting my arm. "

Quinn was so angry she couldn't even think; everything in her life was going wrong. Her daughter hated her, Santana hated her and her life was in ruins. She was a failure at everything she did. What had happened to the life she had planned, the one she wanted?

She pulled Shannon over to her bed and she sat down quickly and pulled Shannon over her knees. She pulled down her pajama bottoms and started spanking her baby hard.

In the back of her mind, she knew she was overreacting but she couldn't stop herself. Quinn had lost control of her life and was taking it out on her daughter's backside.

Shannon was kicking and crying as her mother lectured her between spanks, "You are 6 years old young lady and I am not putting up with you acting like a baby anymore." Her hand was relentless.

"I'm sorry Mama, I'll be good, I promise." She cried and squirmed. "Please Mama stop, please it hurts!" She desperately threw a hand back to try to cover her sensitive bottom.

Quinn stopped mid-spank and looked down at her baby and saw her backside was bright red and she felt sick. She couldn't believe she had hit her child in anger. Quinn just sat there shocked as Shannon sobbed and hiccupped over her lap.

Not trusting herself to speak, she gently pulled Shannon's pajama bottoms up over her sore looking backside. She stood her little blonde daughter back on her feet. Shannon stood there in shock with both hands on her bottom and large fat tears rolling down her cheeks, her bottom lip stuck out and her chin quivered.

She had never been hit before by either of her mothers. No one had ever yelled at her like that and her Mama just said she was bad.

Quinn said quietly, "You need to go to bed now."

Quinn watched in despair as Shannon crawled into her bed sobbing and sniffling quietly. She knew she should say something, do something but she was afraid to touch Shannon again, afraid of losing control again. She waited until Shannon was in bed and turned off the lights and shut her door without saying a word, still in shock.

Shannon lay on her tummy clutching Moose and blankie and cried, "Mama didn't say goodnight or I love you Moose." The little blonde cried herself to sleep holding the only friend she had left in the world.

-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-

Quinn just stood in the hallway outside her daughter's bedroom door. She couldn't believe she had hit her daughter when she was out of control. She and Santana had both been spanked as children and they swore they wouldn't use corporal punishment on their children.

All her insecurities about failing Beth and being a bad mother rushed over her and she ran to the bathroom just barely making it before retching.

-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-

Rachel and Santana had spent a few hours talking and trying to come up with a plan on how to confront Quinn without scaring her off. Santana had found a counselor who specialized in addictions and she had given her some sobering statistics. She was feeling hopeless before Rachel arrived but it was hard to stay that way around Rachel Barbra Berry and her boundless optimism.

Rachel got home to a quiet and dark house. She peeked in on Shannon who was sound asleep at least an hour before her normal bedtime. It was curious to say the least. Quinn was already in her bedroom with the door shut and Rachel didn't want to disturb her. She decided to retire to her room and read some scripts her agent had sent over.

-0-0-0-0-0-0-

The next morning Rachel was up bright and early making coffee and Quinn had an early morning appointment with her attorney and had already left. Shannon walked out into the living room clutching Moose and her blankie and lay down on the couch.

"Hey monkey did you sleep well?" Rachel said cheerfully. Her little blonde god daughter just shrugged her shoulders sadly. Rachel walked over and knelt in front of the little girl she loved as much as if she had given birth to her. "Is everything ok sweetheart?" She poked the little girl in the tummy and frowned when she didn't get a big grin like she always did.

Rachel reached over and felt Shannon's forehead checking for signs of a fever, "Are you sick honey?"

"No, I'm ok Auntie Rachel." She said quietly.

"Want to go to the park again today monkey?" Rachel tried a new tactic.

"Can we just stay here and watch TV please?" Rachel was shocked, Shannon never willingly turned down a trip to the park. She was really starting to get worried. "Maybe we can go visit your Mami, would you like that?" Rachel knew that Santana could get Shannon to talk.

Shannon pushed up on her elbow careful to stay off her backside, "Could we really Auntie Rachel, I really miss her lots." Her beautiful brown eyes so much like Rachel's filled up with unshed tears as she tried to be a big girl and not cry.

Rachel felt her heart break in two, "Come on monkey, let's go get dressed and I'll call your Mami and see if she can meet us for breakfast."

The two walked into Shannon's bedroom and Rachel went over to the dresser to find some clothes as the little blonde started to take off her pajamas. The diva found an outfit and turned around to walk over to help since Shannon always got her pajama top stuck on her head. She was chuckling at the little blonde's antics when she noticed a sizable bruise on her little upper arm.

"Monkey, how did you get this bruise on your arm?" Rachel felt a cold chill down her spine as her sixth sense started to tingle. She prayed she was wrong but the bruise looked suspiciously like fingerprints on the little skinny upper arm of her god daughter.

For the second time in 15 minutes, the little blonde teared up and tried not to cry. She put her head down shamefully and admitted in a tiny voice, "I was bad last night."

Rachel was having trouble breathing, "Oh god, please be wrong, please be wrong." She thought over and over to herself.

She sat down on the bed and pulled Shannon into her arms gently and lovingly. "Tell me what happened monkey, it's ok I promise it will all be fine."

Shannon tearfully explained to her Auntie Rachel the events of last night. She silently held the little blonde in her arms and rocked her until Shannon stopped talking and just cried, "Did Mami leave cuz I'm bad?"

"Honey, listen to me alright? You are not bad and your Mama does NOT think you are bad; she has not been herself lately. None of this is your fault, I swear it isn't. Your Mami would never leave you, ever! This is just grownup stuff Shannon that has nothing to do with you I promise you sweetie and I would never lie to you!"

Shannon was so confused, nobody was acting normal and she didn't know who or what to believe but she knew everything would be better once she saw her Mami.

Rachel helped her out of pajama bottoms and noticed bruising on her buttocks. She tried not to let Shannon see her looking. She didn't want to embarrass the little blonde any more than she already was. She grabbed Shannon's overnight bag and packed some extra clothes, her blankie and Moose. She knew that Shannon was not safe alone with Quinn anymore.

Rachel felt tremendously guilty about Shannon and furious with Quinn and herself at the same time. This was just awful, how could Quinn have spanked Shannon like that. Rachel had never really even seen her friends yell at their daughter. They were strict with her about rules and she had been punished before but mostly timeouts and being sent to her room. Nothing in their past would have ever led Rachel to believe that Quinn would have done something like this.

Rachel picked up her cell phone and dialed Santana's number, "San, I need to talk to you. Shannon and I are headed over to your place."

-0-0-0-0-0-0-

The Latina felt an ice cold fury settle over her. She had heard the story and seen the bruises and held her baby while she cried out her guilt and shame believing herself to be the cause of her family's problems because she was bad.

Shannon had finally fallen asleep in her own room and her own bed after Santana had held her and rocked her for a long time. She tried to reassure her baby that none of this was her fault but she knew she didn't believe her.

She walked back into the living room where Rachel was seated crying softly, "San I am so so sorry, I should have been there, I feel awful like I have let you all down and didn't protect Shannon."

"This is not your fault Rachel, it's not Shannon's fault and it's not my fault. This rests solely on the shoulders of Quinn Fabray-Lopez. Want to hear the really funny thing Rach?" Santana was pacing around the living room her anger building, "The night Quinn left she accused me of being like her father when all along, she's the one that has been turning into Russell and Judy Fabray!"

Santana was angrier than she had ever been in her life. She couldn't even think straight. "I swear to god Rachel, if she was standing in front of me right now I would kick her ass and I have never laid a hand on her since we got together."

"It's not her Santana, she is sick and she needs help. I know this is awful really awful but Shannon will be ok eventually and if we get Quinn help…"

"You think I want that bitch back after she beat my baby girl!" Santana harshly interrupted her friend fury in her voice. "She can go fuck herself, I'll take Shannon and she can go drink herself to oblivion for all I care."

"I know you're angry San, so am I but she needs help and I know you still love her just like I still love her. More importantly, Shannon still loves her and needs her Santana, she needs both her mom's but she needs both of you healthy and whole and not in prison." She said forcefully glaring at her friend.

Santana knew Rachel was speaking the truth but she was still so angry at her wife she really felt capable of killing Quinn right now. It scared her to be so angry. She hadn't been this angry in years, Quinn and Shannon had enacted a calming influence over her. She stopped pacing and sat down on the couch, "What did you tell Quinn about why you were leaving?"

Rachel had a deer in the headlights look on her face, "Oh Jesus San, I was in such a hurry to get monkey to you I just left, I didn't tell Quinn anything."

"Call her Rachel and tell her to get her ass over here, we are going to fix this today, I am sick of this walking on eggshells shit with her. Let her see the bruises she left on our daughter and then she can look me in the eye and tell me she doesn't have a problem!"

Rachel realized they had run out of time and she fished her phone out of her purse and started dialing Quinn's number with a heavy heart.


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter 10: The Confrontation**

Rachel was just about to hit the send button to call Quinn when she got a better idea. Glancing quickly over to see if Santana would notice if she had actually called, she slapped her phone shut, stood up and said, "Done! I will be right back ok San, I have to use the restroom."

Rachel texted Puck on the way to the bathroom. _**911 Noah you are needed at Santanas house NOW / she is going to kill Q ~ RBB**_

She received an immediate reply. _**On my way JewBabe ~ Puck**_

Rachel thought a minute then sent another text. _**Noah – don't come up and don't let Q see you I will let you know when I need you ok? ~ RBB**_

_**You got it ~ Puck**_

Rachel went into the bathroom and shut the door. She leaned over the sink and looked in the mirror. She could see the stress and pain on her face. She hoped involving Puck was the right thing to do but she couldn't handle Santana on her own.

The diva sighed and wished once again that Brittany was not in LA right now, she had always been able to calm the Latina down.

The brunette loved all of her girls but she knew her fellow brunette well enough to know that she was not going to be able to have a normal discussion with Quinn about her bruising Shannon and not have fists and hurtful words fly.

This whole separation situation had already left all three of the Fabray-Lopez ladies sitting on a powder keg waiting to explode and Rachel knew in her heart that the spanking of Shannon was the match that was going to blow this little family apart.

Rachel knew the little girl already blamed herself and not Quinn for this mess and that needed to be fixed immediately but Santana forgiving Quinn was another story. When you were loved by Santana Lopez you were safe and protected to the best of the fiery Latina's ability.

The singer knew Santana would consider Quinn hurting their daughter a complete betrayal of trust and she really wasn't sure this was something Santana was ever going to be able to forgive. She also knew Santana would blame herself for Shannon getting hurt on her watch and that would make her even angrier. This was a disaster and Rachel knew if she was in this much pain she could only imagine what Shannon, Santana and Quinn were feeling.

She had never been around alcoholics so Quinn's rapid change came as a complete shock to her. She had watched her best friend change back into her HBIC enemy from high school; cold, detached, calculating, hurtful, and short tempered. It was breaking Rachel's heart.

It scared her on a deep personal level being face to face with the Quinn of old and she reeled when she thought of how frightened Shannon must have felt watching her loving Mama transform into the HBIC right in front of her eyes. Quinn's daughter had absolutely no experience with "that" Quinn.

Rachel closed her eyes and held back a sob; they were losing Quinn and she didn't know how to get her to come back to them.

The singer washed her face and stood up straight; setting her spine and her will to succeed, "we are ALL going to survive this intact, I am going to see to it." She knew her little family needed her and she would not let them down, not any of them.

She dialed Quinn and thought, "Showtime!"

_**-0-0-0-0-0-0-**_

Quinn shut her phone with a snap, completely irritated by Rachel's phone call. She had a lingering sick feeling of guilt and she knew this was about having punished Shannon last night. The blonde still felt sick about spanking her child when she was angry and if she was completely honest with herself, a little drunk but she knew that both Rachel and Santana were going to completely overreact.

"I really don't need Santana's self-righteous bullshit right now." She flagged down the bartender and ordered a vodka-cranberry juice for some liquid courage before heading to her old home.

_**-0-0-0-0-0-0-**_

Santana was still pacing back and forth and muttering to herself in Spanish and she was making Rachel very nervous. This was not going to go well and she was very glad she had Noah on stand-by.

"San, maybe we need to get Shannon out of here while we talk to Quinn, what do you think?" Rachel tried to interrupt the Latina's internal tirade, "We could take her next door to her little friend's house."

The Latina stopped pacing and turned her glare on Rachel, "Quinn needs to see the bruises."

"I was thinking about that and maybe we should just take pictures, we could do that why Shannon is sleeping and then we don't have to involve her in confronting Quinn. San, think about it, our little monkey was a little traumatized last night and now she thinks everything is her fault. She doesn't need this on top of it!" Rachel tried a little desperately.

The taller brunette stopped pacing again and looked at Rachel sharply, clearly thinking through her options, "That's actually a great idea Rach, I am going to need the pictures anyway for the divorce and custody hearing."

"Oh my god, Santana that is not what I was talking about." Rachel said in exasperation.

"Yeah? Well it's what I'm fucking talking about! That bitch is going down for hitting my baby!" She grabbed her phone and stalked off towards the bedrooms.

Rachel looked up at the ceiling and said a silent prayer to whoever might be listening for help.

_**-0-0-0-0-0-0-**_

Puck saw Quinn arrive in a taxi and was shocked. She looked awful. He hadn't seen her in a while and he had no idea what was going on but if Rachel needed him he would be there.

He still felt this need to protect Quinn as well, he never did feel his Beth debt had been paid in full and probably never would. He got out of his own car and followed her towards the house careful to stay out of sight until or when he was needed.

_**-0-0-0-0-0-0-**_

Rachel was grateful that Shannon was at the neighbor's house for a little visit. Santana had taken pictures of Shannon's arm and backside while she slept and then convinced the adorable little blonde to go visit her friend, Leah. Shannon was not in the least bit interested and it took massive bribes of pizza, soda, ice cream and movies with both her Mami and her Aunt Rachel to get her to go.

Santana had walked her over and explained to Leah's mom her need to talk to Quinn in private and Leah's mom had very kindly agreed to keep Shannon busy until Santana collected her later.

Rachel abhorred violence of any kind and did not want to witness an argument between her two best friends but she felt obligated to be here and try to keep things as civil as possible. She had a very uneasy feeling about this meeting.

She heard a knocking on the front door and went to answer it as Santana was not home yet. She answered the door and immediately could tell Quinn had been drinking. It probably wouldn't be obvious to everyone but it was to her and it most certainly would be to Santana.

"Hi Rachel." Quinn said quietly as her best friend stood back to let her into her own house. It felt so weird to not be living here, let alone knocking to be let in.

"Hi Quinn, Santana took Shannon next door to Leah's house so you could speak in private." Rachel said feeling a little defensive and a little angry at her friend. She had not seen Quinn since finding out about Shannon's punishment and she was surprised by her own rush of anger at the blonde in front of her.

"Well clearly not in "private", since you're here." She turned to Rachel making air quotes as she raised an eyebrow, clearly feeling defensive herself.

"You should be very fucking glad that it's Rachel greeting you at the door and not the police!" Santana said in a cold dark tone from the kitchen hallway as she entered the living room glaring at Quinn.

Both Rachel and Quinn turned instantly towards her voice, the brunette anxiously, the blonde furiously.

"The police, really Santana, you don't think that maybe you're overreacting just a little bit here?" Quinn said in her own cold dark voice.

Rachel stood in the middle of her two friends watching them volley back and forth like she was watching a tennis match. She could feel the tension in the room building slowly and felt she had to do something to get everyone back to an even keel.

"Guys, why don't we sit down and talk this over rationally, please, you have been together for over 10 years and you have always had a friendship, remember, please?" Rachel used a soft even tone to try to keep everyone calm.

Santana looked like a coiled cobra ready to strike but she nodded her agreement after seeing Quinn who was acting calmly detached nod her agreement.

The blonde and the brunette sat on chairs on opposite sides of the room while Rachel sat on the couch in the middle. She felt like Dr. Phil and was not comfortable in the role but didn't think she could leave them alone together either. She idly wondered if this was how the Christians felt right before being fed to the lions.

The two women sat quietly and Rachel realized they were both waiting for her to speak, "Quinn it came to my attention this morning that you had punished Shannon last night by spanking her."

"So you felt it necessary to run right over here and rat me out to my wife?" Quinn said coldly never breaking eye contact with Santana. Her wife scoffed out loud and was about to speak but Rachel beat her to it.

"I felt it was an event important enough that Santana needed to know about it, yes." She said not taking the bait, she was determined to remain calm and level headed throughout this discussion, "Shannon was inconsolable and very confused and needed her Mami, which was my opinion at the time and still is now."

"I'm just curious Rachel," the blonde said coldly, "your opinion as a mom or a drama queen?" Santana saw Rachel visibly flinch at the cruel words and was filled with rage once again.

"You selfish bitch, Rachel acted in Shannon's best interest which is why I thought we chose her as god-mother! I remember you telling me that Rachel would defend, protect, and love Shannon with all she had. So leave Rachel the fuck alone. She loves all of us Quinn, all of us, you included and she doesn't deserve to be treated the way you are treating her so knock it the fuck off!" Santana said in low fierce growl barely controlling her anger.

Both Rachel and Santana noticed she didn't even have the decency to look embarrassed by her verbal attack on her best friend, they both wondered to themselves if she was already too far gone.

"Fine, I'm sorry, Rachel." Quinn said, not in the slightest bit sorry. "Would you like to hear my side of what happened or should we just jump to the tar and feathering?" She finished sarcastically.

Santana leaned forward in her chair and drilled Quinn with almost black eyes, "I'm not sure what you could say to defend your actions but go ahead and give us your side." She sat back and crossed her arms across her chest and took a deep calming breath when she heard Rachel clear her throat. That had been Rachel's pre-planned signal to let Santana know to take it back a notch.

Rachel watched as Santana backed off a little and was amazed that Santana remembered the signal, between all the Spanish swear words and pacing she didn't think the Latina had heard a word she said.

Quinn started telling her side of the events of last night stopping at the point where Shannon was in her pajamas about to be sent to bed early for talking back to her Mama, "You saw yourself the other night Santana how rude and disrespectful she has been to me. Well last night she screamed at me and spilled her dinner all over the floor and it was the final straw. I lost my temper and I spanked her. I know we agreed not to use corporal punishment with her but you were not there and honestly I don't see what the two of you are all worked up about. We've both been spanked as children Santana and we survived unscathed." She finished sarcastically.

"Were you drunk when you hit her Quinn, like you are right now at… what time is it? Oh yeah, it's 3:00 o'clock in the afternoon. Little early to be getting your buzz on isn't it honey?" Santana asked in her most fake sweet voice.

Quinn blanched, "what are you talking about? I had a lunch meeting today and I had one drink which I didn't even finish. I am not drunk. Look Santana, it was a simple spanking and yes, I regret it and I should have sent her to bed and waited until I was calmer to deal with her but it's done now and quite frankly it needed to be done. She has been acting like a spoiled brat since we got to Rachel's house. I expect she will be behaving much better after last night."

"Oh I'm sure she will now that you scared the shit out of her and beat her black and blue. It always made me behave, didn't Russell make you behave the same way?" the Latina spit out at her wife.

Quinn jumped to her feet, "I am nothing like that bastard, how dare you! I didn't beat my daughter black and blue, she was punished, and that's all, end of story." She finished loudly.

Santana held her phone out to her wife, "Take a look at the pictures of your daughter's arm and her backside and tell me then how those bruises got there if you didn't put them there."

Quinn stormed over and ripped the phone out of Santana's hand, "This is fucking ridiculous!" She started scrolling through the pictures and visibly paled.

"You didn't answer my question Quinn, were you drunk when you spanked our daughter?" Santana stood up as well.

Rachel started to get very nervous so she stood up also.

"No, I was not drunk and what is this inquisition really about anyway? I didn't know I was coming over here today or I wouldn't have had a drink at lunch it's not a problem Santana, I do not have a problem. The only problem I have is that you have spoiled our daughter rotten and turned her against me. She acts like she hates me and that is entirely your fault! You have been gone for months working ridiculous hours and I have had to be a single parent and the bad guy and you get to sweep in and give out hugs and kisses and read stories and be the hero." Quinn was practically screaming now.

"Do you know why Shannon has been so angry with you Quinn, because I do? Guess how I found out? I sat down and talked to her. I know, hard to believe right? She heard you talking to Rachel about me and thought you were being mean to me, that's why she was angry with you." Santana was close to shouting herself, "As a matter of fact we came home the other night early to talk to you about it, Shannon was going to explain and apologize to you."

Quinn was speechless, "I didn't know, I mean I don't know what she could have heard, I've never talked bad about you ever, not in front of Shannon, she was always sleeping when Rachel and I talked anyway." Quinn said trying to defend herself as Rachel shook her head in agreement.

"She was only pretending to sleep so she could get some information about why she was living at her Aunt's house and why I was out of the picture!" Santana said getting worked up again.

Rachel tried clearing her throat some more but it was too late for that and Santana ignored the warnings to back off.

Santana was on a roll now and she was going to get this all out into the open, "Of course you didn't know. When Shannon and I came to talk to you we found you passed out cold; a lovely combination of sleeping pills and alcohol. I could have stood over your bed banging pots and pans together and it wouldn't have woken you up. Our innocent child told me that her Mama loved sleeping with that pretty bottle and when she did she never woke up, we could be as loud as we wanted. That's why I slept over that night. I was afraid to leave the two of you alone in case there was a fire or an emergency. How long has this been going on Quinn, how often has Shannon seen you passed out? You told me you were leaving me because I was turning you into your mother, but that was a lie wasn't it? You were already there, you just wanted to drink in private and not have me find out and bug you about it. That's the real reason you left isn't it Quinn? It had nothing to do with me did it?"

Quinn's face had flushed a deep purple and she was shaking with rage, "Get Shannon's things together I am leaving and taking her with me, I don't need to listen to this bullshit."

"Shannon isn't going anywhere with you until you get your shit together." Santana said.

"Like hell, I am taking my daughter and leaving!" She advanced towards Santana who stood her ground.

"OUR daughter isn't going anywhere with you, it's not safe for her to be alone with you, I think the other night and those pictures prove that."

Rachel walked in between the two bickering women and put both her hands up, "Quinn, what Santana is trying to say is that we feel you have a drinking problem. You need help. We love you, Shannon loves you but it's clearly out of your control. Please let us help you." She was near tears and begging her best friend.

"Fuck you Rachel, you've clearly chosen sides." She turned to her wife, "I am Shannon's biological mother, and you are nothing to her in the eyes of the courts. Now get out of my way, I am taking my daughter and leaving. I've had enough of this."

"Fuck no, you did NOT just say that to me!" Santana yelled in fury.

Rachel had been stunned into silence for a moment and couldn't believe the cruel things coming out of Quinn's mouth. Rachel recovered enough to say, "Who are you? How could you say such a thing to your own wife? I was there when you were married, and again when you were pregnant. I was there for Shannon's birth and every birthday and holiday since. You LOVE each other, you have been very happy together. We are a family and Santana is as much Shannon's mother as you are and you know it!"

The little diva was shaking with emotion as tears rolled down her face, "It's not us you hate Quinn, it's yourself. I don't know why or what happened and it breaks my heart to see you like this but we can fix this." She walked over and tried to hug Quinn, "please let us help you, please sweetie, please, this isn't you!"

Quinn shoved Rachel aside and started for Shannon's room but Santana blocked the way, "I got a better idea Quinn, how about I just beat your ass and show you a little of what our daughter was feeling last night, hmmm, how does that sound? I'm more your size anyway so c'mon and why don't you try teaching me a lesson or is beating defenseless children more your speed, hmm Russell?" She was full out screaming now.

Quinn made a strangled angry sobbing sound and launched herself at Santana, "You've destroyed my life you bitch, and you will not take my daughter from me."

All Santana could think about was how afraid Shannon must have felt last night and she attacked Quinn with all the anger she had in her screaming and swearing in Spanish. She had lost all control as she went all Lima Heights on her wife.

Rachel started screaming for Noah as all hell broke loose in the living room. Puck appeared out of nowhere and grabbed Santana from behind and tried to drag her into the kitchen as she was kicking and screaming and swearing.

Rachel grabbed Quinn around the waist and tried to drag her back into the living room as she was kicking and screaming and swearing.

Both Rachel and Puck were praying that their noses didn't get broken in the midst of the chaos.

Rachel said to Quinn, "Go back to my house Quinn, let everyone calm down, we can talk about this more later, please!" She begged.

"I am not leaving without my daughter!" Quinn was openly crying now.

Santana screamed from Puck's arms, "Get out of my house or I will call the police, show them the photos and have you arrested for child abuse and assault. Stay away from Shannon or I swear to god I will kick your lily white ass all the fucking way back to Lima, Ohio! Go drink yourself into oblivion but stay the fuck away from us!"

"You'll be hearing from my lawyer Santana." Quinn gathered her things and walked out the front door with her clothes torn and a few scratches and bleeding from her lip.

Santana looking just as battered as her wife yelled after Quinn, "Good riddance!" Ripped herself out of Puck's arms and stormed into the bathroom and slammed the door.

Rachel and Puck stood there out of breath from the effort of keeping the two women from killing each other and the emotions of the moment, "Well, that could have gone better!" Rachel said.

Puck smirked and snorted in agreement, "Well everyone is still alive, that's a check in the win column with those two. Jesus, I just had déjà vu thinking I was back in the hallways of McKinley High. You want to tell me what the fuck is going on here JewBabe?"

Rachel sat down and said distractedly, "Language Noah and no I can't tell you what is going on." She was already planning the next round of attack. She just had to figure out how to get Quinn to rehab and Santana to forgive her wife and Shannon back to her happy carefree self. It was going to be harder than she imagined.


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter 11: The Aftermath Part 1**

"Noah, I need you to go after Quinn." Rachel said anxiously, "I have no idea how she is going to react to this but it won't be good." She started pacing around the room.

"Nope, not until you at least tell me why my Baby Mama looks like shit." He stood in the living room with his arms crossed looking aggravated, "I came running as soon as you called and I put my body in the middle of those two loons, you owe me something so spill JewBabe!"

Rachel stopped pacing and faced Noah Puckerman. She could see the obstinate look on his face and knew he would not help her anymore until she told him something.

"Fine, Noah, fine, I know you heard at least the tail end of the fight, what did you hear?"

"Well after a lot of swear words in Spanish and she said some really good nasty ones just FYI," the handsome dark haired man smirked at Rachel, "San was screaming something about pressing charges and assault and child abuse."

Rachel sat down and held her head in her hands not speaking for a long moment, "What do you remember about Quinn's parents?" She said finally looking into Puck's dark eyes.

Puck's handsome face grew dark and his brown eyes flashed dangerously, "Her father was a drunken abusive prick and Judy was a lush. Neither one of them was worth a shit and Q would have been better off raised by wolves, what does that have to do with anything?"

Rachel raised her head and looked at Puck with such sadness and pain he felt his heart clench.

"What Rachel? What did they do? I'll kill that motherfucker if he laid a hand on Q!" Puck spit out angrily.

"They didn't do anything Noah, except damage and hurt Quinn in the past and pass on the gene for alcoholism."

"What are you telling me?" He said dangerously.

"She's drinking Noah, way past what could be considered normal, daily, and a lot. San and I were trying to figure out how to get her help when all this happened. It all blew up in our faces, we waited too long."

Sitting down next to Rachel he gently reached over and took both her delicate hands in his own large calloused ones and all but pleaded with the diva, "What happened Rachel, please tell me, I want to help her, I owe her!"

Rachel sighed sadly and made a decision, they were beyond secrets now, this was life and death, "Besides the drinking Noah, she is mixing booze with pills, she has totally withdrawn, her personality has changed back to Q the HBIC and last night she totally lost it with Shannon. Quinn said it was just a spanking but she left bruises Noah, on the baby. She has hardly ever even raised her voice to Shannon let alone physically disciplined her. It's all crazy and she refuses to admit she has a problem. She says that Santana has ruined her life and turned her into Judy. She can't see it is the drinking that is destroying her." Rachel started to cry softly.

"Jesus Christ, what a fucking mess." Puck huffed incredulously.

"Yes indeed Noah, a great big fucking mess." Rachel sighed and leaned back on the couch.

"Hey watch the fucking language JewBabe, my virgin ears!"

Rachel sat up indignantly with angry words at the tip of her tongue when she noticed the mischief dancing in her old friend's eyes and the familiar smirk plastered on his face and she started to laugh. She could always rely on Noah to lighten her mood.

Pretty soon they were hugging each other laughing uproariously which just as quickly turned to tears; tears of anger and pain and fear for their old and dear friend whose life was currently veering dangerously out of control.

Puck gave Rachel one last awkward pat on her back and stood up wiping his face on his hands in embarrassment for showing emotion and then wiped his hands on his jeans, "I'll find her, don't worry Rachel, I'll keep her safe."

"Do not get her drunk Noah!"

"I have a feeling by the time I find her it will be too late for that, but I will keep her safe and out of trouble, I promise, keep your phone close and I'll keep you updated."

Rachel walked over to her purse and fished her keys out and tossed them to her friend, "Get her to my place if you can and keep her there. Do I have to tell you not to get drunk and sleep with her?"

Puck looked insulted, "No, of course not Rachel, this is serious; I'm not stupid you know!"

"I'm sorry Noah, I am not myself today." Rachel apologized sincerely, "Please don't leave her alone, I'm afraid of what the guilt of seeing those pictures of Shannon's bruises might lead her to do."

"I won't babe, I promise, I got this!" He turned and walked out of the house.

Rachel headed back to check on her other heartbroken friend.

-0-0-0-0-0-0-

Santana stormed out of the living room and into the bathroom, slamming the door with all her might. She stared at the angry wild eyed stranger in the mirror and punched it. The glass shattered on impact and she split open the knuckles on her already bruised left hand. Just that quickly her anger abandoned her leaving only a sick feeling of loss.

She sank to the bathroom floor and held her head in her hands as blood and tears mingled. The adrenaline from the past few hours had drained away leaving her feeling weak and nauseous.

_**"I am Shannon's biological mother, and you are nothing to her in the eyes of the courts."**_

Santana kept hearing Quinn's angry bitter hateful words over and over in her head. Was her wife so far gone that she would sink to this? To dragging them into courtrooms and before lawyers and judges and causing rifts so deep they could never be mended? To traumatize Shannon more than she already had been just to hurt Santana?

Santana had legally adopted Shannon in New York after her birth so she wasn't as concerned about the validity of the threat. Deep down inside Santana just knew that the girl she fell in love with and the woman she married would never have thought anything so spiteful let alone said it out loud.

The heartbroken Latina remembered Rachel asking Quinn, "Who are you?" That was the million dollar question, "Who was that fucking harpy in the living room, it sure as shit was not my wife." Santana said out loud dragging herself up to a standing position, holding onto the marble sink for support.

She heard Rachel's gentle but insistent knocking on the door, "San please open the door, I'm worried about you, please?"

Santana smiled gently, she had always considered Rachel a friend but she was always Quinn's best friend not hers. This last week she had come to see the brunette diva with new admiring eyes. The tiny singer was a pit bull. She was so glad for the love and loyalty that the tiny spirited diva was showing to Quinn, Shannon and herself. Rachel had been fair, kind, understanding and steadfast in her support and Santana was grateful for her presence.

She steeled herself for what she was sure would be Rachel's very vocal displeasure with Santana's behavior as she leaned over and unlocked the bathroom door.

Santana very nearly laughed as she took in the sight of the tiny diva standing there with her hands on her hips glaring at her.

"I heard glass breaking Santana, what have you done?"

Santana vaguely waved her bleeding left hand around in the air gesturing at the mirror.

She heard Rachel's sharp intake of breath as she took in the broken glass and the blood, "Oh Santana are you badly hurt?"

Santana snorted, "You mean my hand, or my heart?" She said sardonically. She immediately felt guilty as she watched Rachel's soft brown eyes fill with tears and regret, "I'm sorry Rach, I didn't mean to be flippant."

Rachel sniffed and waved off her apology, "It's the situation that hurts me so much Santana; Shannon's pain, your pain, Quinn's pain." She was digging around the bathroom cupboards for a first aid kit.

Santana took her uninjured hand and gently stopped Rachel's incessant movement. She carefully cupped her friend's cheek, "How about your pain? She said some awful things to you as well."

"My Quinn didn't say anything to me and that Quinn is who we need to get back home!" Rachel said confidently, "Now where is a first aid kit already, you are bleeding all over the place and we need to get you patched up and go get Shannon for our pizza, movie and ice cream night."

Smiling at her friend's never ending optimism, Santana reached over Rachel's head and grabbed the first aid kit off the top shelf of the cupboard, "Right here short stuff!"

She handed it to Rachel, "You know Rach that is exactly what I was sitting in here thinking about."

Rachel looked up from Santana's battered hand and into her nearly coal black eyes and raised her eyebrows inquisitively.

"You know about it being a stranger in the living room saying all those awful things, it sure wasn't my Q. Don't get me wrong, we can both get out of line when we lose our tempers as you've witnessed in the past, but we had lines that we would never cross, not since high school. It was unspoken you know, but we knew not to go that far. Not with each other and I know for Quinn not with you either!"

Santana looked back into soft chocolate brown eyes and whispered sadly, "My Quinn would have never crossed those lines. Not with Shannon last night and not with me and you today."

Rachel nodded sadly as Santana took a deep calming breath and continued, "That bitch in the living room was not my wife and I know I said some awful stuff too but I made up my mind, I want my Q back, I want my wife back. You were right Shannon needs her Mama back and you need your best friend back! We need to find a way to get OUR Quinn back."

The brunette diva sat down on the edge of the bathtub and held the first aid kit in her hand as she looked at Santana questioningly, "But how San, I really can't think of how to get her back especially now when she seems so far gone already."

Santana sat down on the closed toilet seat and said, "I don't know Rach, not just yet but we will get her back, I promise we will."

The two friends sat across from each other and reached across the divide and held each other's hand and silently sealed a pact to save the woman they both loved so much.

-0-0-0-0-0-0-

Puck found Quinn in the fourth bar he searched. He knew she wouldn't be caught dead in a dive bar, she was a Fabray after all and Fabray's had standards. Even as hard as Quinn had tried to escape the shackles of her upbringing, Puck knew some habits never died.

He sat far enough away that she wouldn't catch sight of him but close enough to get a good look at her. She had cleaned up but her lip was still swollen and a little bruise had formed on her jawline.

Even with all that she was a beauty, there was no denying the facts. Even looking run down and tired and a little beat up she was a classic beauty and he knew the kind of guys that would be hitting on her as the night progressed, "Hell," he snorted, "I am one of those guys."

Puck knew he was walking a fine line, Santana was the soft, sentimental drunk but Quinn was the angry kind. He didn't want to wait too long to try to winnow his way into her good graces tonight. She might haul off and deck him and he probably deserved it if truth be told.

They had a complicated relationship since Beth. No one could really understand the bond they had, the loss they shared, the pain they lived with. He had watched her crazy insane grief in high school helplessly and the guilt he bore had eaten at him until Santana had come along and saved Quinn. He would forever be grateful to the fiery Latina for saving Quinn when he could not.

Maybe tonight he could help repay both his ex-lovers.

While Quinn had kept her good girl Fabray game face on for almost everyone else in the world she never seemed to wear it around Puck. In a strange way they understood each other and she was a little more real, a little more honest around him than she was around the rest of the world and he was banking on that tonight.

Sauntering over to where Quinn was sitting and sipping on a vodka cranberry he slid into the seat next to her, "Hey, how's it going?" He said trying to keep it casual.

"What the hell do you want?" She said coldly never looking up from her drink, "Why aren't you back at my house with the lynching party?"

"Maybe I don't think you deserve to be lynched." He shrugged easily.

"You seem to be the only one then." She quickly swallowed the dregs of her drink and motioned to the bartender for another, "You want something?"

"Give me a draft if that isn't too low brow for this high class establishment." He smirked at her as she glared at him out of the corner of her eye.

"Can I ask you something Q?"

"Can I stop you Puck?"

He couldn't gauge if she was drunk enough for this conversation yet but he gave it a shot anyway; "Do you think you deserve to be lynched?"

"Fuck off and leave me alone Puck, I don't need a goddamn shrink."

Nope clearly not drunk enough yet, oh well cat's out of the bag now, "Then why are you acting so fucking guilty?"

The beautiful blonde turned her back on him and tried to ignore him. She finished her drink and ordered yet another as he quietly sipped his beer. After a full half hour and three vodka cranberries later, Quinn tried to stand up to go to the bathroom.

"Whoa easy there babe, let me help you. Where you headed?" He said gently taking her elbow and trying to guide her.

"Yeah, thanks but no thanks, I know your kind of help and I had enough of that ten years ago." She slurred nastily.

He stopped her and leaned down to her level to look her in the beautiful hazel eyes that still haunted him at times, "I was a total and complete shit heel to you Quinn and I am so sorry. I have no excuse except I was a 16 year old teenage boy in way over my head. I watched you drowning and I didn't even try to help. I didn't know what to do. Let me help now? Please?"

She faltered for a moment and stared with an open mouth at the father of her first born child. He had never apologized to her before and she was taken aback and seeing the shattered and completely sincere look in his eyes she just didn't have the heart to be a bitch to him anymore tonight.

"Come on Q, let me take you back to Berry's place, we can talk or drink or eat or puke or whatever you need."

"You do remember I'm a lesbian now right?"

"Why does everyone think I am some man whore with no conscious?"

"Was that a serious question?"

Puck looked at her and smirked, "No, I guess we best leave that one alone."

"Good, let's get out of here." The beautiful blonde headed for the door.

-0-0-0-0-0-0-

After watching Beauty and The Beast, The Little Mermaid, and Finding Nemo; Shannon lay curled up against her Mami, sound asleep and clutching blankie and Moose.

"You know Berry, I totally blame you for her love of all things musical."

Rachel sat at the other end of the couch with her feet tucked under her and a blanket wrapped around her feet. She had a bowl of popcorn on her lap and she was looking fondly at Shannon, "So we are back to Berry again are we? I thought we had at least progressed to Rachel after today." Rachel grinned mischievously at the Latina sitting at the other end of the couch.

"Sorry Rachel, that much cuteness makes me snarky." Rachel laughed out loud in delight. She was happy that they had all been able to have a drama free evening. Noah had texted her that he and Quinn were back at her apartment and she was drunk but safe.

"San do you mind if sleep here tonight, I want to give Quinn some space."

"Of course not and you never have to ask, you know that, you are family." Santana looked over her sleeping beauty and smiled genuinely at her friend.

"As a matter of fact," Santana started out in a teasing tone, "If I wasn't already married and in love with a crazy blonde, I would so jump all over that." She wiggled her eyebrows up and down in a teasing sexy manner.

Rachel laughed in genuine amusement.

"What are you laughing at midget? I am totally hot!" Santana said indignantly.

Rachel couldn't stop laughing, "Oh my god Santana can you even imagine what a disaster that would be, we would kill each other in record time."

Santana snorted out loud, "Fuck yeah we would but it would be totally hot while it lasted."

Rachel stood up and stretched and yawned, "Put your baby to bed you crazy person and I will see you in the morning and we will figure out what to do next!"

Santana stood up and quickly leaned over and hugged Rachel and just as quickly let go, picked up Shannon and headed off down to her daughter's bedroom, "Goodnight Berry."

"Goodnight Santana!" She whispered quietly, feeling like she belonged and feeling loved.

_**-0-0-0-0-0-0-**_

Quinn wobbled straight from Rachel's front door to the freezer and grabbed the bottle of vodka that was chilling. Grabbing a glass she filled it halfway with straight vodka and leaned against the counter.

Puck walking behind followed her into the kitchen, "You sure that's what you want Q? I can make some toast or grilled cheese for you? I'm afraid that's all the food I know how to cook though without burning."

Quinn kept sipping her drink and waved Puck off without even making eye contact.

Puck sighed; it was going to be a long night, "Let's go sit in the living room then, we can talk or watch TV or something."

Quinn pushed up off the counter, grabbed the half full bottle and staggered into the living room flopping heavily onto the couch, slopping her drink over the sides of the glass.

Puck watched sadly from the kitchen doorway before heading into the living room to join Quinn. He was not sure what to say but was determined to try to reach their Q and make her see reason.

He sat down in the chair and watched the blonde drink for another minute or two, "So tell me now, why do you think you need to be lynched?"

Bloodshot hazel eyes slowly lifted and made eye contact for the first time since they got home and flashed with such naked emotion and pain that Puck felt his heart skip a beat. It only lasted a moment before the famous Fabray walls went right back up again.

"Why do you care?" She turned her attention back to her drink.

Puck shrugged his muscular shoulders, "Honestly? I am not sure. It could be this all-consuming sense of guilt I feel about you and Beth, it could be because I've never seen you happier than you were the day you married S, it could be because of Shannon or it could be because my JewBabe will kick my ass if leave you like this."

Quinn snorted in derision, "All very good reasons in your little pea brain I am sure, wildly inaccurate as they are, except for Rachel, and she can be a little scary, I'll give you that one."

Puck let the insults roll off him, he had years of practice dealing with insults from his girls, they didn't even phase him anymore, "No shit, she is like the size of the average garden gnome but she scares the crap out of me when she gets pissed off."

Quinn looked at Puck drunkenly and nodded solemnly, the alcohol finally hitting her hard.

"How much did you hear back at the house? Rachel had you come over didn't she?" Quinn was starting to slur a little but she was still holding herself together.

The handsome man nodded in affirmation, "I pretty much heard everything." Puck decided to bend the truth a little to protect Rachel's confidences.

"Then why are you asking me about the lynching? You obviously heard why they want to lynch me. I hurt everyone, I always do, and anyone who is stupid enough to get close to me gets destroyed. It's the Fabray curse."

"I didn't ask that, I asked if you thought you deserved to be lynched and sorry Q but I call bullshit on the whole Fabray curse thing. That's just self-pity and it gives you a good excuse to treat everyone including yourself like shit."

"Fuck you Puckerman, you want an answer? Then yes, I deserve the worse that life can offer ok? San was right you know? I left her because I knew she was gonna catch on to the drinking as soon as she got time to notice me again. I ran to Rachel, used her and then treated her like shit tonight and the worst, the absolute worst I have ever done in my life? I beat my child Puck; I left bruises on my baby!" The blonde was gesturing wildly as her voice got louder and louder, "I deserve to die and we haven't even mentioned Beth or you or my parents or the awful shit I said to San tonight!" She finished emotionally her eyes shining with angry tears.

Puck sat there stunned. He knew Quinn still felt guilty about Beth but he had no idea how fucked up her head really was and he had no idea how to help.

"Q, I am gonna tell you some cold hard truths here ok and I don't even know if you're gonna remember them in the morning, or if you are ever gonna forgive me if you do, but it's the only thing I know to do here ok?"

"Go for it, do your worst!" Quinn bluffed drunkenly her old friend's words striking icy cold fear into her heart making her feel number than the vodka had made her feel.

"You're a drunk Q, you can't handle booze, you never could. I've seen it before, some people can handle it some can't. You can't, simple as that. It's changed you and it's been slow and sneaky and I don't think you even see all the ways it's changed you. It's just the way things are. The person who hit her kid, that's not you, not the real you. I've seen you with Shannon since the minute she was born, you love each other, and you need each other. The person who told S you were gonna take her kid from her? That's not you either. It's the booze babe and it makes you mean and lonely and guilty and sad. You think it takes your pain away but it doesn't. It just adds more guilt and more pain. It's the same all over babe, you think the booze is what is helping you survive, and you think it's the answer to your problems but it's a lie, the booze is the problem Quinn."

Quinn huffed in disbelief, "Great, so now you got all the answers huh? So if you have all the answers why are you still such a loser, huh?"

"Go ahead Q, hide behind your walls and your booze and your guilt. Just so we are clear though, when the day comes, and it will, that you wake up alone and have no one left to piss on and no one will take your calls and no one will give a shit if your alive or dead and you look in the mirror and see your mom, make sure you blame the right person."

"Oh believe me, I am clear on whose fault it is, it's that prick Russell's fault for destroying me and my mother."

"No Q, it will be your fault and yours alone." He said clearly with sadness and compassion.

Quinn's face froze and she stood up unstably. She leaned over and threw her drink in Puck's face, "Get out you motherfucker and don't ever come back. You're to blame as well you bastard, the night I got drunk and slept with your sorry ass was just the beginning of the end!" She screamed and started swinging wildly at Puck crying hysterically.

The ex-football player grabbed her arms and tried to hold her still, "This choice is yours Q, I will check you into rehab and be with you every step of the way. I will never leave you. I will even go to meetings with you, whatever you need but you gotta want your life back. You have to make the choice to believe you are worth saving."

"Leave me alone and let me go you bastard. I am not worth saving and Shannon and San and Rachel and even you Puck are all better off without me just like my family never once looked back after dumping me, I am not worth loving, don't you get it?" The blonde continued struggling in his arms.

"Bullshit, you have something your mom never had Q; a partner who loves you and respects you and needs you. You have friends who will never abandon you if you just admit you need help. What about Shannon, huh? Is your drinking yourself straight out of her life and into an early grave really less of an abandonment than what your fucking useless family did to you?"

Quinn stopped struggling and grabbed Puck with all her strength and held on like she was afraid of disappearing, sobbing like a little girl, "Oh God Puck stop, please stop talking, I can't do this, I am not strong enough to do this can't you see?"

"You don't have to be strong enough Q, you just have to for once in your stubborn hard-headed life lean on us for once. You don't have to do this alone."

"No Puck, what I've done has been unforgiveable."

"Everyone loves you and everyone will forgive you and one day maybe you can forgive yourself but you gotta let us help you babe, please, I am begging and I never beg for anything, well except maybe for sex, huh?" He pushed the blonde back away from his chest and wiggled his eyebrows at her suggestively.

She smiled an anemic pathetic attempt at a smile but at least it was something.

"Q please, we can go tonight, we go to the ER and we can get you checked in for detox and find you a bed at a rehab."

"I need to think about it Puck, I don't think I can do this." Quinn sat down on the floor in despair and started to wipe her face with the sleeves of Puck's shirt.

"No, no more thinking we go now or you won't go in the morning and you know it."

Quinn just nodded, "Alright but can you do me a favor?"

"Anything babe, just ask."

"Can you go into my room and pack me a few things; some tee shirts, sweats, and my toothbrush? I'm not sure I can stand up anymore." She tried to smile.

Puck stood and gently pulled Quinn to her feet, "Ok babe, you sit on the couch and I will go pack, I will be 5 minutes and then we go alright?"

Quinn nodded sniffing gently and smiling up at her friend half-heartedly, "It's a deal!" The blonde tried to sound brave but she was terrified.

"I'll be right back Q!" Puck got her settled on the couch and took the bottle from the end table and headed back to her bedroom.

He looked in her closet and found an overnight bag and started to lightly pack. He put in some clothes and her tooth and hair brush and the picture of her and S and Shannon from her nightstand.

Puck was scared for his friend, but he just knew that with everyone loving and supporting her she could get through this. He was serious; he would never leave her side as long as she wanted him there.

He knew Santana was pissed off but he also knew she still loved Quinn and would find a way to forgive her, and Rachel and Shannon were no brainers. Rachel couldn't hold a grudge to save her life and Shannon was young enough to forget the worst of her Mama's behavior besides she loved Quinn with all her heart.

Puck smiled to himself and breathed a sigh of relief. He couldn't wait to get to Santana and Rachel and let them know she had checked herself into the hospital. It really was gonna be ok, they weren't going to lose the blonde they all loved so much. One day with enough time she would learn to love and forgive herself too, Puck was sure of it.

He headed into the living room and saw Quinn was not lying on the couch anymore. Puck was just about to check the bathroom when he noticed the front door was open, "Fuck, oh no, no, no, no! Jesus Christ you fucking pain in the ass hard head!" He screamed out loud heading into the hallway.

Puck turned to grab his keys out of the bowl next to the door and froze feeling ice water race through his veins. The keys weren't there, he quickly rifled through his pockets, maybe he still had them but they weren't there either.

He leaned against the door breathing heavily in fear and panic. Quinn had left, she had taken his car keys, and she couldn't walk so she certainly couldn't drive. He was frozen for a moment until reason returned and he thought maybe he could catch her, she was drunk and he wasn't. Maybe they still had a chance.

Puck raced down the stairs not even waiting for the elevator bursting through the parking garage doors looking wildly around for his car but it was too late it was gone and so was Quinn Fabray.

He sat down on the cold garage floor and fished his cell phone out of his pocket and listened while it rang until it went straight to Quinn's voicemail. Punching out new numbers in sadness and despair he waited until her heard a tired voice answer, "San? I'm so sorry, I fucked up big time!" He started crying into the phone.


	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter 12 The Wages of Sin**

Quinn started to come awake slowly. She noticed everything was blurry so she must have taken her contacts out sometime last night. The bed was lumpy and uncomfortable, and she didn't recognize the room. It smelled musty and like cigarette butts and neither she nor San smoked.

She was lying on her stomach, so she turned her head and noticed raven black hair sticking just out of the top of the comforter and thought, "Mmmmm Santanta." Rolling her body closer to spoon her wife she was startled awake when her arm went around a hairy stomach.

With her heart in her throat she jumped back and instinctively clutched the sheets around her body, "Oh my god, where I am I? Who is that?" In panic, she looked down and noticed she was naked. Quinn looked under the covers and noticed two very important if blurry details; one, hairy stomach was definitely a man, and two, he was naked as well.

The blonde got up as quickly and as quietly as possible and locked herself in the bathroom to think. It hurt to think, her head was pounding and her eyes burned. She was dying of thirst. All she could piece together was the fight with Santana at the house and Puck finding her at the bar. The rest was gone in some black hole.

"Oh dear Lord, what have I done?" She put her head in her hands and tried desperately not to cry. Quinn felt dirty and degraded, "It's official now, I am a drunken whore, not to mention I cheated on my wife with some strange man."

Feeling more and more panicked; Quinn realized whatever she was going to do would require clothing. The blonde slowly stuck her head carefully out of the door. She noticed the man still had not moved from his spot on the bed. Quinn could hear him softly snoring, and she was disgusted with herself and the thought that she had slept with this stranger.

Sneaking out of the bathroom, she saw her clothes and purse in the chair by the door. Quickly grabbing them, she scuttled back into the bathroom.

Quinn desperately wanted a long hot shower to at least try to wash some of her degradation away, but she was terrified of waking hairy stomach man until she had a game plan.

She found a wash cloth and carefully turned on the water letting it run at dribble strength until it got hot. Taking the cloth she attempted to scrub away all the guilt and shame between her legs as tears ran down her face.

Her clothes reeked of alcohol, cigarettes, and sweat and she gagged putting them back on. Her hands shook noticeably as she searched her purse for her contact lenses, and she wished she had a drink to help her calm down. Quinn found her silver flask at the bottom of her purse and thank Christ it wasn't empty. She tipped it to her lips and drained it feeling the liquid courage burn a track to her stomach.

The alcohol helped the morning shakes enough that she could put her contacts in without poking an eye out and she tried to untangle her hair and apply just enough makeup to alleviate the appearance that she haunted houses for a living. She misted some light body spray to try to mask the alcohol, cigarette, and sweat smell she had going on and looked in the mirror to see if she passed inspection.

Quinn couldn't believe how haggard she looked and how bad she felt. She wasn't even 30 years old yet and she looked and felt as old as her mother this morning.

Finally feeling human, Quinn opened the bathroom door and came face to face with a 6 foot tall very naked man. The blonde's nerves were already shot this morning and she started screaming, which in turn scared the man and he also started screaming.

-0-0-0-0-0-0-

Shannon had woken up with a slight cold and had sensed all the fear, tension, anger and emotion from the adults in her life and was a very cranky little girl. She was lying on the couch bundled up in her blankie and cuddling with Moose, feeling very sorry for herself. The little blonde had always been coddled by the adults in her life and here she was sick and no one was paying any attention to her at all.

Her Mami was pacing the house alternating between talking on her cellphone and swearing in Spanish. She had only patted her on her head when Shannon got up. Other than that brief encounter, Shannon could not seem to make her Mami pay any attention to her at all.

Her Aunt Rachel and her Uncle Noah had been coming and going looking more and more upset each time they came back. Auntie Rachel had made her breakfast but her throat hurt and she didn't want to eat and no one noticed it sat untouched on the coffee table.

A nice policeman had stopped by and shook hands with Uncle Noah and he went in the other room and talked to Mami too. No one told her why a policeman was in her house.

Everyone kept whispering and going into the other room to talk so she had no idea what was going on but it was clear no one wanted her to either.

All Shannon knew was she wanted her Mama. It was always Mama who stayed home with her when she was sick. They would huddle on the couch wrapped in a big, warm, cozy blanket and watch movies all day. If her throat hurt, her Mama gave her popsicles and rubbed stinky medicine on her throat and wrapped a dish towel around it to keep her warm.

Her beautiful Mama would sing to her and rock her and give her lots of hugs and kisses all day long. Shannon was still confused about what had happened with her Mama when she got angry with her, but she missed her and wanted Mama to come take care of her. No one else was going to today.

Every time she asked her Mami about where Mama was and why she couldn't see her, her Mami got a funny look on her face and would say, "Not now ladybug."

Shannon was a very confused and unhappy little girl today.

-0-0-0-0-0-0-

Rachel and Puck came back into the house and headed for the kitchen where they could hear Santana talking on her cellphone in a low serious voice.

Santana looked up and waved them in as she hung up the phone, "Any luck?"

Rachel's eyes got all misty with unshed tears as Puck shrugged, "No, there is no sign of my car anywhere and no one has seen her at all at the few places I know of that she goes to."

Rachel walked over to Santana and laid a gentle hand on the Latina's forearm, "What about you, any news at all?"

Santana was afraid she was going to break any minute. She had been holding her emotion and fear in and she was as highly strung as piano wire. Rachel's sympathy and compassion was about to put her over the edge so she snapped at her little brunette friend, "News Rachel? No, I have no news; she is not in the hospital, the morgue or jail. Of course she could be dead or dying in a fucking ditch for all I know!"

Rachel removed her hand and stepped back stung by Santana's retort. Puck put his arm around Rachel and glared at Santana. The Latina just stomped out of the kitchen into the bathroom and slammed the door, feeling like she had just pulled the wings off a butterfly.

"Don't worry about it Rach, you know how she gets when she's emotional."

Rachel sighed, "I know Noah, but I just feel so helpless here. I am terrified out of my mind, I just wish she would call or answer her phone or something. What if she is hurt, what if she is lying bleeding in a ditch somewhere, what if she is dying and calling for us and we can't find her, what if she is already dead, oh my god?" The diva whispered out brokenly trying not to let Shannon hear her as she broke down into desperate sobs, "I can't bear the thought of it Noah, and I don't know how Santana can either. I am not upset she yelled at me, I am upset I can't do anything to help." She clung to Noah's shirt front and tried to muffle the sound of her crying.

Puck just looked stricken as he gently patted Rachel's back and tried to soothe her raw emotions as he tried to not think of Quinn broken and bleeding in a ditch somewhere.

-0-0-0-0-0-0-

Quinn had slammed the bathroom door shut and locked the door against the tall naked man in the motel room.

"Babe, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to scare you, I just gotta take a leak really bad." He said gently knocking on the bathroom door, "C'mon babe, seriously I really gotta go!"

He didn't sound dangerous and he certainly could have killed her when she sleeping next to him, so she cautiously opened the door and he pushed his way in. Quinn left the bathroom and went over and sat gingerly on the corner of the bed.

Now that she could see properly she examined the room around her and saw immediately it was a real hell-hole dive. She flushed in embarrassment again. The blonde had no memories of this man at all.

After a minute or two, he walked out of the bathroom and started picking his clothes off the floor, "So beautiful, how ya feelin this morning?"

Quinn took a deep breath, "How did we get here?"

"You drove us here from the bar, you bought the booze and I paid for the room." He knelt down and started looking under the bed, "Ah ha, I knew we didn't finish it!" He suddenly stood up holding aloft a bottle of vodka ¼ full.

"That's great, Buddy listen…" Quinn just rolled her eyes as she was faced with her atrocious taste in men once again.

"Matt" He said scouring the floor for his socks.

"Excuse me?" The blonde asked him coldly.

"Matt, my name is Matt, not Buddy, Matt." He bent down and picked up his socks and stood back up giving her a big clueless smile.

Quinn stopped and counted to 10 in her head and tried not to let her inner bitch loose until she got all the information she needed. In a calmer voice she asked, "Where exactly are we?"

Matt started to laugh softly, "I knew you were totally shit-faced, I can't believe you don't remember last night, it was epic. I'm actually kinda wounded you don't remember." He winked at her and she stood up in a huff ready to go ballistic.

Quinn advanced on him in full HBIC mode and Matt put both hands up in surrender, "I'm sorry, really it was a joke, nothing happened. We got here, we drank some, made out a little, got undressed and you passed out. I swear it was fun while it lasted and God knows, you are a looker but I wouldn't force myself on someone too drunk to say yes, ok?"

The blonde felt her heart skip a few beats and she felt her breath hitch in relief, "Oh thank God, no offense or anything Matt, but thank God and thank you for being a gentleman." Quinn realized she had dodged a huge bullet and was weak with relief.

Matt smirked at her, "Yeah, a real gentleman, probably the last one in Youngstown I bet!"

Quinn stopped and stared at the man in front of her, "Youngstown? As in Ohio, Youngstown?"

"One and the same, c'mon I need a lift back to my car, I left it at the bar last night."

Quinn couldn't figure out how she had fought with Santana, drank with Puck and woke up with Matt in Youngstown, Ohio. It just didn't make any sense, but her head was killing her, and it just hurt worse if she tried to think.

She was digging around in her purse and she found Puck's car keys, "Well that solves mystery #1, how I drove home from the bar last night." She muttered to herself, "Matt, have you seen my cellphone?"

"Yeah, you sold it to that dude in the bar for 50 bucks last night, got us two bottle of vodka and some cranberry juice."

"Oh shit, shit, shit, shit." She was completely disgusted with herself. Santana had bought her that phone for Christmas. How could she have sold it for vodka? "Let's get out of here; I'll take you to your car."

The pair walked out to the parking lot into a blinding glare of sunlight that felt like ice picks being shoved into Quinn's brain, "It's only sunny 10 days in Ohio for the whole year it would have to pick today to be one of them." She growled not amused in the slightest.

Matt turned to her, "Hang on, I'll be right back, I'm gonna run to the Speedway next door, want anything babe?"

"Other than for you to stop calling me babe? Coffee, black and some gum, please." She ground out through gritted teeth.

Quinn had no idea what Puck's car looked like, so she hit the lock button and it beeped at her. She got in and waited for Matt to get back.

He came back bearing coffee, gum, orange juice and some empty cups. Matt divided the orange juice between the cups and topped them off with the remainder of the vodka, "Bottoms up babe, hair of the dog, ya know?"

Quinn held the cup and felt her stomach heave a little at the smell, but she drank it anyway, knowing it would get rid of the ice pick pain in her brain and the butterflies in her stomach and the guilty anxious feeling that was gnawing at her insides, "Yeah, bottoms up. Thanks for the coffee and gum." She popped a few pieces in her mouth and pulled out of the motel parking lot, "Where to?"

Matt was trying to give her directions as she was trying to hold her coffee and put her seat belt on. Quinn took her eyes off the road for just a minute when she felt and heard a sickening crunch. She had rear ended the car in front of her that was stopped at the stop sign in front of her.

"GO!"

"What?"

"Go, get the fuck out of here, we were drinking all night and we have been drinking this morning!" Matt was screaming at her and Quinn was panicking. She quickly put the car in reverse and drove around the car she hit, driving off as quickly as she could.

"Oh my god, I can't believe we did that. We didn't even see if anyone was hurt!" Quinn was really starting to freak out.

"It was a fender bender, no one was hurt, let's just get my car and we can get the fuck out of here. I really don't wanna go to jail. I get another DUI and it's mandatory jail time." Quinn looked over at the guy next to her and thought to herself, "If I ever get that bad, I will definitely have to quit drinking."

They had just pulled into the bar parking lot when two police cars with lights flashing boxed them in.

-0-0-0-0-0-0-

Puck went to the bathroom and knocked on the door, "Hey, S, you doing ok in there?" He heard the door unlock and he walked in.

"Is Rach ok?" The Latina asked her old friend.

"Aw, she's a fucking mess just like the rest of us, but she's not upset you snapped at her if that's what you meant. Rachel made sandwiches and some coffee, you got to come out and eat something or she really will feel bad."

Santana smirked at her friend, knowing full well what he was doing, "Fine, I wasn't getting much done in here anyway."

They were headed out to the kitchen when Santana's phone started to ring. She picked it up and looked at the caller ID.

"Is it Quinn?" Rachel asked excitedly.

"I don't recognize the number; it's a 234 area code." She said back.

"Answer it, it could be important." Puck nudged her with his elbow.

"Hello?" Santana answered.

"Is this a Ms. Santana Fabray-Lopez?"

"Yes, I'm Santana Fabray-Lopez." The Latina could feel the fear and tension rising as she waited for the confirmation that her wife was dead.

"This is Sergeant Mark O'Malley with the Youngstown PD, we have your wife in custody, a Ms. Quinn Fabray-Lopez."

"She's alive?" She burst out in relief.

"Yes Ma'am but we have her on driving under the influence, leaving the scene of an accident, open container and a few other assorted charges, her and her male companion."

"Her male companion?" Santana asked in surprise.

"Yes Ma'am, you wife was arrested with a Mr. Matt Oblanski, do you know him?"

"No, I don't know him and I don't imagine my wife does either." She growled out angrily, "Where are you at, I will get there as soon as possible."

-0-0-0-0-0-0-

The Latina walked into the county jail and was led back to where her wife was wearing an orange jumpsuit and sleeping it off on a bare cot.

Santana stood there and stared at her wife, she looked terrible. The dark haired beauty was torn between anger and pity.

"Quinn, QUINN! Wake up!" She watched as her wife stirred, slowly regaining consciousness.

"San?" Quinn picked her head up and rubbed her eyes not sure if she was awake or dreaming.

"Yeah, it's me. Get up, we need to talk." Santana motioned to the jail guard next to her and the uniformed guard unlocked the door and let Santana in.

Quinn sat up on the cot feeling a deep sense of dread about this upcoming conversation.

Santana sat down on the cot across from her, "This is the situation Quinn, you are in some deep shit here with these charges hanging over you."

Quinn put her head down in shame and just nodded, her eyes filling with tears.

"I will post your bond, IF you agree to leave here and commit yourself to a rehab center for detox and alcoholism treatment TODAY! If you don't agree, I am walking out, leaving you to fend for yourself, filing for divorce and sole custody of Shannon."

The blonde stayed frozen in place as tears rolled down her cheeks.

The Latina stood up abruptly and started pacing, "Jesus Christ Quinn, don't you have anything to say? Do you have any fucking idea of the hell you have put us through these last 3 days? Not knowng if you were alive or dead?"

Quinn looked up in confusion into black anger filled eyes, "3 days? What do you mean 3 days? We had our fight yesterday."

Santana stopped pacing and looked at Quinn with complete disgust, "That fight was 3 days ago, you left our home and went to a bar and got plastered. Puck took you back to Rachel's and you conned him into believing you would go to rehab. When he left the room, you stole his car and evidently drove the 6 hours from New York to Ohio. Let's just hope and pray you didn't kill anyone on the way here."

Quinn started crying, "I don't understand what you're saying to me."

"Seriously? They are called blackouts Quinn, and that's what happens to major alcoholics, they have blackouts. So you have no idea what you have been doing for the last 3 days? What is your drinking buddy Matt going to say if I ask him, or should I say fuck buddy? Was he your drinking buddy Quinn or your fuck buddy?" Santana's voice was rising to dangerous levels as she clenched her fists to her side, trying to maintain some semblance of control over her anger and emotions.

Quinn put her head in her hands and started crying, "I don't know Santana, I don't know, the last thing I remember was sitting at the bar with Puck. I don't know how I got here in Ohio, I don't even know why I would want to come back to Ohio? I don't remember meeting that guy or going to the motel with him. I just remember waking up this morning, sick and hung-over and disgusted with myself."

"You woke up in a motel with that drunken douche bag? You know what, I'm done, I cannot do this anymore. You want to kill yourself with booze, kill yourself, but you aren't taking us down with you." Santana angrily made her way to the cell door.

"Tana, please don't leave me, I'm so sorry, I can't live like this anymore, I want to quit, I swear I do. I want to be your wife and Shannon's Mama again." The blonde stood up suddenly grabbing for Santana's arm, "Please I am so afraid, I don't know how I got to be so bad. I could have killed somebody today, I could have killed myself. I'm sorry, I am so so sorry, please help me, please I don't want to die." Quinn sunk to her knees heaving great sobs of pain and anguish.

Santana stood there frozen in place. She had loved this woman with her entire being for over 10 years. This was the mother of her child. The woman she had vowed to stick with in sickness and in health, for better or for worse.

Those were not just empty words to Santana Fabray-Lopez but she could not get the image of her wife waking up in a seedy motel next to some random man out of her mind either.

Santana made her decision, "I will post the bond and we will get you back home and into a facility this evening."

"Tana?" Quinn reached for her wife from her knees, trying to grasp the sleeve of her jacket.

"Don't call me Tana, you lost the right to call me that when you fucked some dude in a dirty motel. I will help you get cleaned up but then you are on your own." The Latina turned around and walked out leaving the sobbing blonde on her knees in the dingy jail cell.


	13. Chapter 13

**Chapter 14: I Get By With A Little Help From A Friend**

Santana walked out to post Quinn's bond. Her heart was breaking in two and Quinn's sobs were still ringing in her ears. She just didn't think this was something she could forgive. She felt broken. The brunette waited at the counter until a sheriff's deputy came over to help, "I need to find out how to post bond for Quinn Fabray-Lopez please?"

Matt was sitting in the chair over by the door putting his shoes on. He stood up and threaded his belt through his jeans. He sized up the beautiful Latina at the counter and knew it had to be Quinn's wife. The thought of making a clean getaway and getting the hell out of dodge was appealing but he also knew she had the wrong impression, "Why the fuck should I care, I don't even know these people?" He muttered angrily to himself. Still, he felt like a large part of Quinn's problems he had helped create so he took a cautious step towards the seething brunette determined to make things right.

Santana finished talking to the deputy and turned towards the door. She needed to get to the courthouse and post bond and being distracted she plowed right into the tall man standing by her, "Excuse me, I didn't see you there." She tried to walk around him.

"Your name is Santana, right, Quinn's wife?"

Santana stopped dead in her tracks and sized the man up, hoping she was wrong and this wasn't Quinn's fuck buddy, drunken douchebag, or whatever his name was attempting to speak to her.

He stuck his hand out, "Hi, my name is Matt Oblanski."

Santana left his hand hanging as she crossed her arms across her chest and glared at him with eyes that were nearly black with rage. Of course it was him, could she get any luckier today?

Matt cleared his throat and awkwardly withdrew his hand, wiping it on his jeans nervously, "I just wanted to tell you that nothing happened at the motel. You know, between me and Quinn. Honestly, she talked about you and your daughter the whole time. She was a wreck, crying the whole time, didn't really make a lot of sense most of the time. But, yeah, nothing happened."

"Just what makes you think I want to hear anything about MY WIFE from you, fucking asshole? If I hear you say her name one more time or mention OUR daughter again, I will kick your ass all over this room, cops or no cops!" Santana's chest was heaving with emotion and her hands were clenched into fists at her side.

"Whatever lady, I was just trying to do the right thing here, is all."

"The right thing?" Santana's voice was rising dangerously, "Like picking up a married woman, someone's mother, who is drunk off their ass at a bar and taking them to a sleazy motel to fuck, that kind of right thing?"

"You know what? Fuck you bitch, you don't deserve her anyway, she's better off without a judgmental cunt like you in her life!" Matt turned to walk away, his hangover trying to kill him.

Santana's eyes glazed over and a red hot rage descended over her and she launched herself at his back swinging. All the worry, all the pain, all the fear, all the anger, all the guilt, all the shame, every emotion she had swallowed in the last few weeks exploded in her and she totally lost it.

Matt fell to the floor and wisely curled into the fetal position and covered his vital organs as Santana Fabray-Lopez pummeled him.

From what seemed like a faraway distance she heard yelling and felt strong arms pull her up and off the cowering man in front of her. She was still in Lima Heights Adjacent mode and was kicking and screaming and flailing trying to reach the man she blamed for Quinn's downfall.

Someone behind her got her in a half-nelson and shouted in her ear, "don't make me taser you!" The man wrestled her to the ground and she finally noticed it was a uniformed officer she was fighting and stopped moving.

Matt slowly stood up, his clothes torn and blood pouring from his nose and mouth and what was sure to be a stunning shiner developing over his right eye, "I want that bitch arrested, I want to press charges for assault." He screamed in indignation.

The officer leaned into Santana and said so only she could hear, "Are you going to behave if I let you go?"

The brunette took a few calming breaths and nodded yes.

"If you attack him again I will be forced to arrest you and then it will be both you and your wife wearing an orange jumpsuit sharing a cell, understand?" He said sternly.

"Yes, fuck, alright? I got it!" She spit out.

Cautiously letting her go, he stood up and walked over to Matt, grabbed his arm and drug him over towards the door, "So, Matt, I am not sure you've thought this all the way through. Let's say I arrest this woman, then we go over to the courthouse and we tell the judge how you picked up her drunk wife in a bar and took her wife back to a sleazy motel, were in the car drinking with her wife in the morning when she got in an accident, got arrested with her wife, then confronted this woman and called her a cunt to her face. Not sure the judge is gonna be real sympathetic towards you Matty boy. Imagine how it's gonna look, this little bit of a woman half your size beat the shit out of you. She doesn't have a mark on her and you look like you've been through a meat grinder."

Matt looked over at Santana and swallowed nervously. He knew he would be the laughingstock of Youngstown if word of this debacle got out to his drinking buddies. He really didn't need the publicity either and so far he had been able to keep the whole story from his wife.

The officer put his arm around Matt's shoulders conspiratorially, "Why don't you just go home to the little woman and forget this day ever happened, huh Matt? No one ever has to know."

"Yeah, alright fine, I'll let it go this time, but you make sure she gets the fuck out of town and I never have to see her again, cause next time I will press charges!" Matt stomped out to the parking lot and to his long-suffering wife waiting in the car.

The officer watched him walk out and ran his hand back and forth over his buzz cut before turning back to the angry Latina.

She stood up and faced him, "Thank you, Officer…?"

"It's O'Malley, Sergeant Mark O'Malley, and don't thank me, I should have arrested your ass. I seriously never met anyone crazy enough to assault someone in a police station lobby in front of armed officers."

Santana looked at the floor in embarrassment and nodded.

"I probably would have arrested you to if you'd have beaten anyone up besides that piece of drunken shit, Oblanski. I dated his wife in junior high school, a sweeter girl you never would like to meet. No idea why she puts up with his shit." He shook his head in anger, "Plus I was the officer who called you so I know what happened and I can only imagine how it felt to come face to face with him after seeing your wife in lockup. I guess that all adds up to today being your lucky day." He smiled at her.

Santana snorted derisively, "It doesn't feel like my lucky anything."

O'Malley bent down and picked up his hat and dusted it off for a minute before turning and looking into dark coffee colored eyes, "Your wife is an alcoholic, you know that right?" He said seriously.

The Latina swallowed, "I know." She choked out.

The officer continued to look deep into her eyes, "It's a disease, and you know that too right?"

Santana nodded, "I do know that, but it doesn't excuse everything, now does it?" She said angrily.

"No, it surely doesn't. It's a lot to forgive, that kind of behavior. My mom was a drunk, then she was an alcoholic, then she was a recovering alcoholic. She's been the recovering kind for the last 20 years. I got my mom back eventually but my dad couldn't pocket his pride or forgive her and he divorced her. It was hard going for a long time. I guess what I'm trying to say is maybe the person in back, the one who did some completely terrible things, maybe she just needs a little understanding and some help getting back on her feet so she can try to make things right again; with herself, with you, with your kid. I mean before you go and make any decisions of the permanent kind?"

"Right now, at this moment, I am so disgusted with her; I can't even look at her. I don't know if that will ever go away. She fucked up, big-time, and not just this little trip to Youngstown, there is a lot you don't know."

"I get that, I do and I respect it as well. Yet you still showed up and it still hurts enough to cause you to lose all sense of self-preservation and assault someone in a police station for saying her name. Just my opinion, but you don't react like that for someone you don't care about."

She looked up at him quickly in surprise.

"Oh yeah, I was behind the counter and heard the whole thing." He chuckled, "This really should not amuse me as much as it does but I am so glad you kicked his ass." O'Malley quickly turned and scowled at her, "I'll deny I ever said that."

Santana grinned a huge grin, "Said what?"

"C'mon let's get your wife out of here." He stopped short and looked her up and down, "Ever considered a career in law enforcement?"

"Do you seriously think I should carry a gun?" Santana snorted again.

"Good point! So what's next, when you leave here?"

"I have a good friend back in New York with connections pulling some serious strings to get Quinn a bed in a rehab facility tonight."

O'Malley stopped and put a hand on her shoulder gently, "A little insider tip?" Santana nodded, "If you can't get her in a place tonight, go to the emergency room, tell them she's been on a huge bender and she needs to detox from alcohol. They will put her in the detox ward for a couple days until a bed opens up. She'll be safe there."

"Thank you, I mean it, for everything. It's been really rough going and I have a young, sweet, innocent, confused and heartbroken kid at home who doesn't need both her mothers in jail right now. I'm sorry I disrespected your station. I just lost it when he kept talking like he really knew her, ya know?"

"I know but thanks for saying so. One last piece of advice then my Dr. Phil days are over; get yourself to an Alanon meeting."

"What are you talking about, I don't have a problem, Quinn does." The brunette spat out.

"Suit yourself, but alcoholism is a family disease, it destroys everything and everyone around it. From what you said, you and your kid have taken the brunt of her behavior. It helps to be around people who have been through what you have. People who understand. It's a safe place to open up and talk. It's just a thought."

"I'll think about it, and thanks again, Sergeant O'Malley." Santana said formally and respectfully stuck her hand out.

O'Malley shook her hand seriously, "I expect an update when you guys come back for the trial hearing, ok?"

"You got it." Santana said seriously, she had been given an awful lot to think about.


	14. Chapter 14

**Chapter 15: Te Amo**

Rachel was as good as her word, and Quinn checked into a 90 day program for recovering alcoholics. Santana went with her to get her checked in. Rachel met them there with a packed bag filled with things Quinn would need for her stay.

Quinn was terrified and sick as she hadn't had a drink in two days now. She was shaking uncontrollably. She was desperately trying to keep her condition from Santana and Rachel. It was so humiliating, but her unscheduled trip to Youngstown had convinced her that her drinking was out of control.

She didn't think that Santana would ever forgive her and she wasn't sure that Shannon should ever forgive her, but she desperately wanted to be the wife and mother Judy Fabray had never been able to be. Quinn was willing to do anything if she could just set things right again somehow.

The treatment center made her give up her cell phone, and told them that she would not have contact with her family for at least the first week. Santana could call for updates but they could not speak to each other until Quinn had a chance to really settle in.

Rachel true to her nature hugged Quinn fiercely and assured the blonde of her love and support and tried not to cry. Quinn and Santana stood there awkwardly unsure of how to say goodbye properly.

"Well, just take care of yourself and concentrate on getting well, ok? Don't worry about Shannon; I will make sure she understands how much you love her and that you are not abandoning her. She loves you Quinn and she always will. She has all kinds of people around to give her attention and when it's ok, we will come visit you. I promise!"

Quinn looked so lost and afraid that Santana couldn't help herself; she couldn't let the woman she had loved for her entire adult life leave feeling that alone.

She reached over and pulled the blonde into a hug and patted her back comfortingly, "This is the hardest thing you will ever have to do Quinn, even harder than handing over Beth, but I know you better than anyone. You are strong and brave and you can do this. When you get finished here, we will sit down and talk and figure things out then, ok? I don't want you to worry about anything but getting well. All decisions are off the table until you get out of here. I want you to know that and trust that. I won't be contacting lawyers or emptying the bank accounts or seeking custody of Shannon behind your back. I swear on my Abuela's grave. Nothing will be decided until you have a clear head and can help make decisions."

Quinn clung to her wife crying great heaving sobs of regret and shame and gratitude to the woman who had saved her once and for all the pain she had caused was willing to help save her again. She knew she didn't deserve Santana, Rachel and Puck and was lucky she had them.

When she got control of herself she pulled away from Santana gently, "Thank you Santana, I don't deserve that but I am very grateful for it. Please hug and kiss Shannon and tell her I am so sorry but I will be the mother she deserves again, I swear it."

"I will let Shannon know how much you love her and miss her and that you need to be here to get well. You can tell her the rest yourself when you feel better. Take care of yourself Quinn; I'll talk to you soon." Santana turned abruptly and walked out the door.

-0-0-0-0-0-0-

Santana had tried to sleep in their bed but she just kept seeing Quinn and feeling her next to her every time she closed her eyes so she took her pillow and blanket and headed out to sleep on the couch.

Rachel had gone home and Shannon was asleep in her own bed. Santana lie there in the dark remembering happier times and missing the blonde more than she thought possible. Then she would see Matt and remember Youngstown and she would be angrier than she thought possible. She was being torn apart. Against her will, she started to cry softly and finally letting go she let go of all pain and sorrow and sobbed into her pillow.

Shannon had been asleep when Santana had arrived home and after Puck took his leave, the Latina sat at her daughter's bedside watching her sleep. For everything that had happened lately she was still a beautiful, healthy, well-adjusted little girl and Santana knew how lucky they all were. She saw so much of Quinn in Shannon and cursed Russell and Judy Fabray with all her might. If they had only been there for Quinn she might not have fallen so far, but then she knew that Quinn had made so many bad decisions that were all her own. Santana also felt guilty about her part in Quinn's loneliness and insecurity this past year and wished she could take it all back and redo the last year.

Santana had adjusted moose back under Shannon's arm and put her little legs back under the covers and gently kissed her daughter's forehead and swore to protect her from all the evil of the world.

-0-0-0-0-0-0-

Santana had cried herself to sleep on the couch but just could not stay asleep to save her life. Finally at 4 am she got up and started the coffee pot. She was leaning on the counter staring off into space when she heard a tiny voice, "Mamí ?"

She turned and saw Shannon standing there in her nightgown, clutching moose around the neck under one arm and dragging her blankie with the other hand. She looked as lost as Santana felt and her heart ripped in two at the look on her baby's face.

"Ladybug? Are you ok, honey?"

"I had a really bad dream, Mamí ." She said softly her bottom lip quivering. Santana knelt down in front of her daughter and picked her up gently.

"I had one too, what was yours about?" She leaned against the kitchen counter and cradled her mini-Quinn in her arms and gently rocked her back and forth.

"You went away and you never came back, I looked everywhere but I couldn't find you and then I couldn't find Mama either but Aunt Rachel was in my closet and she said everyone left because I was such a bad girl." She rested her head on her Mamí 's shoulder and shivered in fear.

"That sounds awful but that could never ever happen, you know why?"

Santana could feel Shannnon shake her head no against her shoulder. She smirked as she said softly, "That could never happen because Aunt Rachel is afraid of closets and would never go in one. Secondly, I would never ever leave you no matter what. Thirdly, your Mama would never ever leave you no matter what. Fourthly, you are not a bad girl you are a beautiful special wonderful girl."

Shannon lifted her head and looked at her Mamí , "Honest?"

"Oh baby, I swear you are the most wonderful, special thing that ever happened to me and to your Mama and one day soon all this will be over and we will find a way to be happy again."

"Can I sleep with you Mamí ?" Shannon asked pitifully.

"I have a better idea, why don't I make you some hot cocoa and we make a blanket bed on the couch and we put in the Little Mermaid and we hang out all day and be lazy. Would you like that baby?"

Shannon shook her head yes and smiled a shaky little tearful smile that tugged at Santana's heart strings.

-0-0-0-0-0-0-

The Little Mermaid was over and Santana was surprised her little girl was still awake. She was tucked up against her Mamí and under her arm.

"Mamí ?"

"Yes baby?"

"You said Mama would never ever leave me but she did, she's not here, why did she leave me?"

Santana took a deep calming breath and picked Shannon up and sat her in her lap facing her. She gently smoothed the rambunctious blonde curls off her forehead and started gently, "Mama is very sick sweetie and has to be in the hospital. Remember that blue bottle that she used to take to bed with her?" Shannon nodded her head. "Remember how it made Mama act differently than we were used to?" Shannon nodded again, her big brown eyes holding Santana's gaze and trying to understand what her Mamí was telling her.

"Well the stuff in that bottle made Mama sick and she wants to stop drinking that stuff so she has to stay at the hospital for a long time to get better. She has to be away from us even though she loves us and misses us very very much. She loves you so much that she is working very hard to come back home and be your Mama again. She told me that!"

"She's not mad at me anymore?" Shannon asked softly her tears starting to pour from her beautiful eyes.

Santana wiped the tears away as gently as she could, "She absolutely is not mad at you, she is mad at herself though and wants to see you as soon as the doctors and nurses at the hospital will let her. Would you like that baby, would you like to go see Mama when the doctors say we can go see her?"

Shannon nodded her head vigorously and said, "Can we call her Mamí and tell her goodnight, like you used to call me and tell me goodnight?"

"Not for a little while ladybug, not for a few days, but I promise as soon as the doctors say she can talk to us, we will call and say goodnight every single night until she comes home."

"Ok, Mamí . Can we go sleep in my bed now, I am really tired?"

"Of course baby, I will sleep with you now and when we wake up we can draw Mama a picture and write her a letter. We will write her a letter everyday so she doesn't miss anything that happens here and we go visit we will take all the letters and pictures to her so she won't miss us too much and will think about us every day. Would you like that Shannon?"

"Oh Mamí , I would like that very much, can we start right now?"

Santana picked up her sleepy little angel and carried her to the bedroom, "No Corazon, we will start when we wake up, ok"

"Mamí , can I leave moose with Mama when we see her and we will kiss him and hug him every day and fill him up with love so Mama will know we love her and she won't be scared or lonely without us?"

"That's a wonderful idea why don't we start kissing and hugging moose tonight so he'll be all filled with love for when we go see Mama?"

They both filled moose with love and Shannon rolled over and kissed her Mamí on the cheek and whispered sleepily, "Te amo Mamí !"

"Te amo mi Corazon." And the two Fabray-Lopez girls drifted off to the first decent sleep they had in weeks.


	15. Chapter 15

Chapter 16 : How To Lose Your Badass Badge

Santana spent the first week that Quinn was in rehab trying to make sure things stayed as normal as possible for Shannon. Writing the letters to Quinn really helped Shannon but it was tearing her Mami into pieces. Her daughter couldn't write completely by herself yet, at least not good enough so she wanted Santana to write down what she wanted to say to her Mama and it was heartbreaking.

Shannon's letters were filled with love and forgiveness and hope for the future and their little family. Santana would lie awake at night and wonder if it was going to be her who would not forgive and would wind up tearing the family apart and destroy her daughter's hopes.

She chuckled wryly and figured Shannon's forgiving nature had to be a product of hanging around Rachel Berry so much in her formative years, "She sure as shit didn't get it from me or Quinn!"

Finally that gave Santana a brilliant idea and she picked up her cell phone to call Rachel, "Hey Berry, how's it going?"

Rachel had been trying to juggle her show and helping Santana with her god-daughter as much as she was able and felt guilty she couldn't be more help, "I'm good San, how are you tonight?"

The Latina looked over at the clock on her nightstand, "Oh crap Rachel, I am so sorry I didn't even look to see what time it was before calling. I woke you up didn't I?"

"It's ok, I was kind of drifting in and out anyway, I haven't really been sleeping very well lately. Are you alright, is something wrong? Did you hear from Quinn or …"

Santana decided she didn't really want to hear the whole Rachel Berry rant so she interrupted her mid-sentence, "Other than the fact that I am a selfish self-centered idiot who can't tell time? No, everything is fine Rach, I just needed some help with something and totally forgot the time. Listen, this can wait, why don't you call me when you get a chance tomorrow, ok?"

"Don't be so hard on yourself Santana, you and your whole family are in the middle of a real life crisis and you are being incredibly supportive with Quinn which considering her arrest and the circumstances surrounding it has to be unbelievably difficult for you. You are a wonderful mother and you are keeping Shannon together emotionally despite your own pain. I am just in complete awe at how incredible you are! So please be gentle with yourself you are not an idiot."

The taller brunette had really been struggling with her emotions lately and she had to really struggle to not cry by the kindness Rachel was showing her.

"San are you still there?"

She cleared her throat to speak trying desperately to keep herself in check because once she gave in and started crying she was afraid she wouldn't be able to stop, "Yeah, I'm still here. Listen at the risk of losing my membership in the badass club I need to tell you something. I would not have survived this without you and your support and friendship. Shannon would not have survived this without her Aunt Rachel. Quinn might not be alive today without your connections getting her into treatment so quickly. I owe you big time; this family owes you big time."

Rachel had no qualms about showing emotions or crying and she was unable to hold in her tears, "I love you all so much and feel so guilty that I am not able to be there like I should, maybe I should step down and let the understudy take over?"

"Don't you dare Rachel Barbra Berry!" Santana blurted out, "We have completely disrupted your life as it is. I will be so upset if you step away from your play. You love that play and you're fantastic in it!"

"I love all of you more!" Rachel was adamant.

"As we love you, you're family, you know that, you are part of this big, weird, dysfunctional, unconventional group we have going on over here. As a member of your family, a senior member, a bigger member who has no problem kicking your ass I might add, I absolutely forbid you to step down from your play." Santana smirked knowing exactly how Rachel would take being forbidden to do anything.

She nearly laughed out loud when she heard Rachel sputtering but she kept it together wanting to see what Rachel would eventually say, it was the first non-serious, non-life and death conversation, fun conversation she had in ages and she was reluctant to hang up.

"Santana Maria Lopez, how DARE you forbid me to do anything! As for kicking my ass, I will have you know not only have I taken self-defense classes but I also know judo, jujitsu, kickboxing, Tae Kwon Do and other methods of oriental self-defense so I highly doubt you could kick anything!"

The beautiful brunette just couldn't keep it together any longer and she bust out in the most genuine laugh that Rachel had heard in a long time. They had all been stresses and serious for so long that it was absolutely infectious and Rachel's anger went right out the window as she started to laugh as well.

The two friends laughed long and hard before Santana tried to pull it together, "Oh god Rachel that was so funny, I'm sorry I egged you on like that and teased you but I just couldn't help myself. The only way it could have even been funnier was if I had done it in person and watched you diva storm out of here."

Both girls laughed even harder for a few minutes struggling to catch their breath. It probably wouldn't have been that funny to anyone else but it was a stress reducer both women needed tonight.

"You know Rach, I know Quinn has apologized for her behavior in high school and I never did, I just thought that letting Q ask you to be Shannon's godmother it was a good enough amends and you would understand I was sorry."

"It was San and I did understand!" Rachel said sincerely.

"It wasn't good enough Rachel, it needs to be said. I am so very sorry for the way I treated you back then and there is no excuse for it. How you ever decided to forgive both of us evil bitches I will never know let alone become such an important part of our lives. I only wish I had taken the very large stick out of my ass years ago and got to know the real you back then. You're something else Berry!"

Rachel went from laughs to tears in 60 seconds, "Thank you Santana, it means the world to me that you would say that to me."

Santana felt she had ruined her reputation enough for one evening, "Christ Berry, enough with the waterworks already huh? I still need a favor here!"

Rachel recognized Santana's need to get back on an emotional even keel and she played along, "Fine, I won't step down from the play for now, but I reserve the right to do so if I feel it becomes necessary. Now what do you need help with?"

Santana smiled in wonder at the little pit-bull diva at the other end of the phone, "So, did Shannon tell you about the letters she is writing Q ever night after dinner?"

"She did, she even let me read a few. She said she wanted to make sure Quinn would like them!"

"So you get the drift of the letters then and how emotional they are?" Santana said hoarsely, feeling a little overwhelmed again thinking about the letters.

"I do and might I say I have no idea how you are sitting there night after night and writing them." Rachel said sadly.

"Well that's the favor actually! I was thinking I would have ladybug talk into my recorder from work and maybe when you come over you can write them down. I'm really having a hard time with it lately."

"I would be honored to help, really, but they are so personal, do you think that Quinn will mind that I have been privy to these letters?"

"Honestly I don't give a shit what she thinks, I'm barely holding on here Rachel. She didn't seem to mind that we were privy to her drunken craziness, or mind us being privy to the way she treated Shannon, or the way she spoke to both of us the day she ran away. We got to be privy to her being drunk and passed out, her mixing sleeping pills with booze and wondering when we would get the call she was dead. She stole Puck's car and totaled it and only because he loves her and feels mad guilt about Beth is she not being charged with grand theft auto. I mean seriously Rachel we know all about her waking up in a hotel with a strange dude, we know about her drunk driving and hit and run and we know she got arrested and is in the nut ward!" Santana spit out everything she had been holding in bitterly. She had been trying not to bad mouth her wife in front of their daughter but she was a long way from forgiving her.

"I didn't mean to upset you San." Rachel said quietly.

"Oh fuck Rachel, you didn't upset me, this whole fucking situation upsets me. Why did I have to feel sorry for her at the hospital, can you tell me that? Why did I have to be a weak asshole and swear I wouldn't divorce her drunken ass while she was in rehab? I actually told her we would sit down and make decisions together! What the fuck Rachel was I thinking? "

"You did those things because you are a decent human being, because you have loved her for your entire adult life, because you recognize she is sick and because you share daughter who loves her mama very much. You are not weak nor are you an a*hole!" Santana snorted when Rachel couldn't say asshole. "I'm serious San, stop laughing!" Santana could just picture Rachel trying to stamp her foot in bed and cracked up again.

"I'm sorry Rach, I guess I am a little more tired than I thought!" She said trying to mend fences. The Latina really didn't want to upset the little diva who had been the glue in her family lately.

"Fine, in answer to your question; yes, I will help our little monkey write those letters! We are also going to sit down over coffee VERY SOON and discuss you talking to a professional about your anger towards Quinn and her behavior, your very justifiable anger I might add!"

Santana groaned out loud, "Jesus Berry!"

"I'm serious this is all too much for one person to handle alone no matter how strong or incredible that one person may be!" Rachel said sternly.

"Yes Mom!" Santana sassed. "Oh you are so lucky that I am NOT your mother tonight!" Rachel gave it right back to Santana.

Santana just laughed, "You were wrong on one point Rachel!" She said smugly.

"Oh and what point was that?"

"You said it was too much for one person to handle alone? Well, I am not alone! I have my best friend helping me through it! Now before you start fucking crying again, I am hanging up!" Santana said gruffly covering her feelings.

"I love you San and I do have your back!" Rachel said shakily.

"Back at you Dwarf, call me tomorrow?"

"I will, goodnight San!"

"Yeah, goodnight John-Boy, fucking hang up already will ya, I'm dragging my ass over here!"

Rachel just laughed at her friend's antics and both women realized they just might sleep tonight


	16. Chapter 16

Chapter 17 The Reunion Part 1

Santana had taken a leave of absence from her job citing family problems and tried to concentrate on figuring out what she was going to do with her life and her family. Truth be told, the job she thought was so important a few months ago meant nothing to her anymore.

She spoke briefly to Quinn on the phone every evening before quickly turning the call over to Shannon. The brunette could hear the pain in her wife's voice when Santana cut the conversation short but she just could not go back and pretend shit didn't happen.

It did, it happened and she had heard the whole "I'm sorry" crap before. That might work just fine for Rachel and Shannon but as far as she was concerned Quinn had a lot to prove. In this case, actions would definitely speak louder than words.

Santana sat on the couch in the living room next to Shannon who chattered away to her Mama, telling her everything about her day. She smiled sweetly watching her baby try to cheer Quinn up every single night by telling her how much she loved her and missed her. Sometimes she would sing to Quinn, like the blonde used to sing to her when she was sick.

Their daughter never mentioned the letters she was writing daily to Quinn, that was going to be a surprise as was a very hug and kisses stuffed moose. Santana cringed when she thought of how emotional Quinn would get when that was sprung on her when they visited in person, but she didn't have the heart to ruin Shannon's surprise.

The visit was planned for a Saturday two weeks from now.

In reality, Santana really thought she could go the whole 90 days and be fine not visiting Quinn once, she was that conflicted. Seeing her wife in person would just further complicate a very complicated emotional situation. Besides the Latina worried that she just could not remain stoic if she saw Quinn in person, the blonde had looked so broken in the jail and at the hospital check-in. She really didn't trust herself to remain detached.

Of course, Shannon wouldn't survive 90 days without seeing her mother, and it would be very hard on her little ladybug to leave Quinn at the hospital and come home without her. Santana knew she had to do this whether she liked it or not. She was a wife and mother and for her family came first and she had made a vow for better or worse and sickness and in health and she didn't take it lightly.

Although she had never envisioned how "worse" it could get and she certainly never figured on this kind of "sickness".

No matter how many times she had explained to Shannon how the visit would work and how they would leave Quinn at the hospital and come home without her, Santana knew that the reality would be so much harder than the talk.

Fuck, it was going to be hard for her to see Quinn and leave her there again, and she borderline hated her wife at times.

Shannon cried every night after she hung up the phone and was inconsolable for at least an hour. By the time she got ladybug settled and calm again and in bed, Santana was an emotional wreck herself.

_**-0-0-0-0-0-0-**_

Rachel had cornered her and practically forced her to see a counselor, so Santana went once and really thought it was the biggest scam out there.

She tried to reason with Rachel about the whole thing, "Ok so I go visit this stranger and pay her like $100 to listen to me whine about Quinn and how shitty my life is and how stressed I am. This stranger who doesn't know me, has no vested interest in if I ever feel better and probably could care less about me, listens to me for about an hour. She mostly won't give me advice or tell me how to fix things but just asks me questions back. This is supposed to help me how?"

Rachel had no patience for this side of Santana anymore so she just said, "It helps, and I can't explain in black and white terms how it helps, it just does, so go and leave your nasty attitude at home and just have an open mind for once in your life!"

The woman actually turned out to be surprisingly knowledgeable about addictions and gave Santana useful advice. The Latina shared her feelings of guilt about leaving Quinn alone so much the past year and the hours she had worked. The brunette shared the fear she felt when she discovered Quinn drinking and mixing pills. How she feared the blonde would die one night alone. She raged about Quinn's near infidelity and how she had threatened to take Shannon away from her. The woman explained to Santana a great deal about the physical connections to addictions, how it ran in families, how if Quinn was a real alcoholic her body didn't process it like "normal" people. Santana had initially believed calling alcoholism a disease was a cop-out, a refusal to accept responsibility for your own behavior. Once she understood more about it from the medical side, she realized perhaps Quinn hadn't had quite as much choice in the matter as she used to believe. If nothing else these sessions gave the Latina much to think about but in a healthier and less angry way.

She talked a lot about how this was affecting Shannon and how to help her daughter survive the separation and the woman had some good ideas about that as well.

Santana knew she would never hear the end of it if she admitted she felt better after the appointments to Rachel so she just never brought it up and surprisingly Rachel left it alone as well.

-0-0-0-0-0-0-

Puck had really turned out to be a good friend as well. She knew she could be completely honest with him about her feelings in a way she could not with Rachel. The man had experience with an alcoholic parent and had experienced abandonment.

He lived with the anger he felt and the bad decisions he made when he acted out that anger as a teenager.

He understood Quinn in ways no one else but Santana did. They had the shared experience of giving up Beth for adoption and all the guilt, pain and shame that entailed.

The pain of losing Beth was the one feeling Santana couldn't share with Quinn. After having Shannon, she could empathize with her wife's loss. God knows she would never survive the loss of her child.

Quinn must be living in terror facing the potential loss of a second daughter; even if it was her fucked up behavior that caused it in the first place.

Santana understood that many of Quinn's problems stemmed from the loss of Beth and her parents subsequent rejection. She just didn't know how to help her especially since Quinn kept it completely buried inside and refused to talk about it with anyone.

Puck had given her tremendous insight into Quinn's grief. Santana understood a lot better how that one single mistake Quinn made at the tender age of 15, had influenced every decision she made today. It was a heavy burden. The Latina certainly could relate to the desire to hide from all that pain, only Quinn chose to do her hiding in a bottle like her mother. She was grateful for his help and had hope that perhaps with Quinn's recovery the two old friends could help each other heal from their pain. Perhaps one day but they would all have to do a lot of growing up.

He listened to Santana about how betrayed she felt about Quinn getting picked up in a bar by that Matt guy and how hurt she was that she went to the motel with him. He let her talk it all out and only gave advice when asked for. Puck never judged her when she told him she didn't know if she could forgive Quinn for that. He understood when she told of her revulsion seeing Quinn in a jail cell looking like a common crack head.

She talked it all out with him and then talked about it some more. Just by being able to vocalize all her anger and pain Santana truly started to work some things out in her own head.

Santana went to bed every night truly blessed by the friends in her life.

_**-0-0-0-0-0-0-**_

Finally, the day of the visit arrived. Rachel agreed to drive Santana and Shannon to see Quinn at the rehab facility that was two hours out of the city.

Both Fabray-Lopez girls were completely lost in their own thoughts and very nervous. Shannon was buckled up in the backseat nervously clutching moose in a death grip and Santana was staring out the passenger side window, chewing her nails. Rachel chattered when she was nervous so somehow the long drive worked out ok. They had one little anxious moment when Shannon thought she left a letter behind and started to freak out but Rachel got her calmed down and they quickly found the missing letter.

Santana got out of the car and took Shannon in her arms and hugged her close. She kissed her cheek gently and straightened her hair and told her how beautiful she was. Rachel had helped Shannon pick out a beautiful dress Quinn would love and they fixed her hair and put a ribbon in it. Shannon's almond colored eyes were big and she looked terrified but Santana assured her that it was just her plain old Mama in there and everything would be just fine.

Her Aunt Rachel gave her a big hug and kiss and a high five that she pretended to miss that always made Shannon giggle in delight. Shannon turned around and told her Mami, "Ok, I'm ready now."

Both Rachel and Santana shared a grin at that and they started into the building together. At the front desk they were told that they would meet Quinn privately in a family room and they would have two hours to visit. The receptionist started to lead them back when Santana noticed Rachel wasn't following them. She turned to the diva, "Are you coming Rach?"

Rachel walked quickly to Santana and hugged her tightly and whispered in her ear, "I will be right out here San, it's ok, remember it's just your plain old wife!" Santana pulled back and grinned then shook her head, "I need you in there."

"No you don't, besides this is a private family moment that Shannon and Quinn need together. Believe it or not, it's one you and Quinn need alone together as well. Quinn thought we ganged up on her at the house and that I was taking sides, remember?" San acknowledged her with a shake of her head.

"She needs to see her girls without me there interfering. She needs to see me as her best friend again when she gets out of here. Don't look so panicked, I love you and I am not going anywhere but I don't belong in that room today. Now go, tell Quinn I love her with all my heart and that I will see her soon."

Santana didn't like it but she couldn't argue with Rachel's reasoning but she was astounded by the generosity and lack of selfishness that the diva was showing. Rachel Berry was growing up, who knew?

Taking her daughter's hand, they walked into the family room to wait for Quinn. The receptionist pointed out soda, coffee and snacks and left them alone.

Shannon very carefully set her box full of letters on the table in front of them to present to her Mama. Her and her Mami had decorated a shoe box and put all the letters in the box snuggly and wrapped it with a ribbon. All except for 4 letters that Shannon deemed too important to go with the others, they were the ones she needed her mama to read right away. Santana actually had no idea what they said, as Rachel had helped Shannon write those letters. She was terribly curious about them but they were a secret Shannon said and Rachel assured her they were beautiful and they were ok to give to Quinn.

The little blonde girl then sat down very careful not to muss her dress and grabbed her Mami's hand and held it very tightly.

Santana looked down at her daughter and could tell she was terrified, she was pale and biting her bottom lip and nearly breaking Santana's hand, "Hey ladybug, " Shannon looked up at her, "It's all going to be fine, I swear! Mama is just as happy and scared to see us!"

"Pinky swear Mami?" Santana leaned over and kissed the top of her curls, "Pinky swear baby."

_**-0-0-0-0-0-0-**_

Quinn was in her room putting the finishing touches on her scant makeup. Her hands were shaking but this time it was only from nerves. She sat in front of the mirror and stared at her reflection. The blonde was terrified and couldn't seem to move from the spot she was in.

Her roommate walked up behind her and put her hands on her shoulders, "Come on Mama, you have some very special people waiting for you. That kid of yours has talked to you every night for a month, telling you how much she loves you and singing to you and your wife is here. No matter what you're feeling, I guarantee they are just as terrified."

Quinn's sad hazel eyes met the blue of her roommate, Sally, "You swear Mustang?" Sally was originally from Montana so Quinn quickly dubbed her Mustang Sally and then just Mustang.

The two had bonded immediately and had been very supportive of each other. Quinn who had never really had all that many real friends was grateful for her roommate.

"I swear Ms. Thang, now get your ass out there before you waste you two hours in here being all insecure and shit."

Quinn smiled gently and reached up and squeezed her roommates hand lying on her shoulder, "Ok, it's showtime folks!"

She got up and walked quickly to the family room.

_**-0-0-0-0-0-0-**_

Hearing the door to the family room open, San and Shannon quickly stood up and turned to the door.

Quinn stood in the door wearing Santana's Columbia hoodie and a pair of black yoga pants and some white flats. She hardly had any makeup on but she was a vision of loveliness. She looked healthy and scared but happy.

She stood still by the door and smiled, "Hi guys, I missed you both so much."

_**-0-0-0-0-0-0-**_

Shannon quickly turned and buried her face in Santana's legs, just like she used to do when she was little and got shy around strangers, "C'mon ladybug, it's just your Mama." The brunette gently rubbed her tiny frightened daughter's back soothingly. Shannon just buried her face deeper and clung to her Mami tighter. Santana shot Quinn an apologetic look.

Quinn just shook her head and smiled and moved over to the couch and sat down, "It's ok Shannon, and this is really pretty weird isn't it?" The blonde spoke softly and soothingly to her little girl, "I mean it has been so hard to not see you every day but I love talking to you on the phone every night. Then when it was time to see you in person, I was so afraid. Is that how you feel? A little happy and a little sad but mostly scared?"

Both women smiled softly when they saw Shannon nod in confirmation. Santana spoke up as well, "I was very afraid too, I didn't know what to say to your Mama or what she was going to say to me."

Shannon lifted her almond eyes up to see if her Mami was making fun of her, everyone knew her Mami wasn't afraid of anything. Light brown eyes met dark chocolate eyes and Shannon saw the truth in them, her Mami was just as scared as she was. She turned to meet the beautiful hazel eyes of her Mama and saw only love and understanding and suddenly she wasn't afraid anymore. All the weirdness melted away and she was just Shannon again with her Mama and Mami.

Quinn saw the decorated box on the table, "Wow monkey, this is really pretty, is this for me?" Shannon nodded as she slowly disentangled herself from Santana and made her way over to sit on the couch next to Quinn. The blonde kept up a soft relaxed conversation to help her little daughter calm down.

"I love that dress baby it looks so pretty on you, it's my favorite? Is that why you wore it?" Shannon straightened up slightly and ran her hands over her dress to clear away any wrinkles, "I can't believe how grown up you look with that ribbon in your hair." The tiny blonde glowed with pride, she thought her mothers were the prettiest ladies she ever saw and she wanted to be pretty just like them.

Santana sat down in a chair facing the couch in order to give mother and daughter some space to reconnect at their own pace. She smiled gently at her wife when the blonde looked over and met her eyes. Santana really was impressed with how healthy her wife looked. The brunette noticed her eyes looked clear and she was not as pale as she had been before. More importantly, looking past the fear in the blonde's eyes, she saw glimmers of the old Quinn, the teenager she fell in love with, the woman she married. Guilt hit Santana like a sledgehammer as she realized she had totally missed the blonde's descent into addiction, all the signs, all the physical changes, everything. The brunette had been so focused on her career she had ignored her home and her family falling apart around her. Just that suddenly, she realized Quinn was not the only one who had failed in this relationship.

"So what's in the box? Can I open it?" Santana heard Quinn ask as she pulled herself from her guilt filled memories and focused on her wife and daughter.

Shannon shook her head shyly, "It's a present for you Mama. I wanted you to know everything that you missed while you were away being sick so I had Mami write down what I wanted to tell you and then Aunt Rachel helped me too! There's also bunches of pictures I colored and drawed for you and I mostly stayed in the lines too! " The little blonde finished proudly.

Quinn's soft eyes glistened with tears, "What a beautiful present baby and a wonderful idea."

"It was Mami's idea cuz I was sad one night and missed you lots and had a bad dream and Mami said we could do this for you and then you wouldn't miss us or anything going on at the house and that way none of us would be sad anymore, right Mami?"

Quinn's eyes shot to Santana's in shock, she hadn't expected that kind of kindness from the Latina. She knew she had seriously damaged her marriage if not destroyed it so she was deeply touched by this gesture on the part of her wife.

"That's right ladybug, but you did all the work and I know your Mama will love all your pictures too!"

The two women's eyes met over the tiny blonde head of their daughter and a look of understanding passed between them. No matter what happened in the future, they could never erase the love and respect and shared memories of the past. They also realized that Shannon's happiness was the most important thing to both of them and they would do whatever it took to ensure that happiness.

Quinn slowly unwrapped the ribbon from the box and started to look at the pictures and share some of the stories from the letters. Before long, everyone was relaxed and laughing and talking normally with each other as the two hours ticked away.

The blonde was so touched by her box of memories; it was clear how much effort had gone into the present, "I love the letters baby and all the pictures are just so perfect, I can't wait to show everyone how talented an artist my baby is." Shannon flushed happily but suddenly looked down nervously, "Mama?"

"What is it baby?" Quinn said gently leaning over and placing her hand gently on Shannon's thigh.

"Can I give you a hug and kiss?" She asked innocently, not sure if it was ok to touch her Mama.

Quinn felt a sharp stab of pain in her chest knowing that her behavior had caused this shy nervous behavior in her sweet little girl and felt tears well in her eyes, "I would love a hug and kiss from you angel and you never have to ask me for one since all my hugs and kisses are for you baby."

She gently took her baby into her arms and felt the small little arms go around her neck. She closed her eyes and buried her face in the soft downy hair and smelled the strawberry shampoo as she felt the soft breath of her child on her neck. All she could think about was holding Shannon against her as a tiny baby and how she swore to be the best mom ever and how she had failed. Tears started to stream down her face and she thought about Beth and felt like she had now failed them both.

Santana had been watching the interaction between mother and daughter and noticed Quinn's emotions getting the best of her. Her heart ached for the blonde as she saw the pain on her face and realized how guilty and sad she was feeling, "Hey ladybug, I think I saw root beer over there, let's go get everyone something to drink!"

Shannon who was not usually allowed to have soda jumped at the chance of getting some root beer and Quinn shot her wife a look of utter gratitude. She had been so close to a breakdown and she had been afraid of what that raw emotion would do to Shannon.

Santana was feeling all the emotions of the day as well and knew Quinn was feeling the same and took pity on her, "How are you holding up Q?" She said softly after Shannon took her root beer and carefully sat at the table.

Quinn poured them both some coffee and unconsciously fixed it just the way her wife liked it, "thanks for the distraction back there, I was a little overwhelmed."

"It's ok, besides I'd think something was wrong if you weren't a little overwhelmed by today." She said kindly, "I need to warn you about something." Santana said seriously.

Quinn's heart skipped a beat as all kinds of terrible scenarios popped in her head and her face must have showed it as Santana chuckled softly and said, "Relax Q, it's not as terrible as all that."

The blonde sighed and nodded, "Ok, go on."

"Every night before bed, Shannon has been hugging and kissing that stupid moose filling it up with love for you so she can leave him here for you to sleep with. "Instantly feeling less guilty about ruining Shannon's surprise when she saw Quinn struggle to keep her emotions in check. She saw the blonde struggle to swallow the lump in her throat and blink back the tears.

"I didn't want to ruin Shannon's surprise but I didn't want you to get blindsided either. I know this day has been hard on you Quinn and I was afraid that might be the proverbial straw if you know what I mean."

The blonde closed her eyes and reined her emotions in trying to get back in control of all her feelings, "Thank you Santana for the heads up, that would have been a little more than I could have handled today and I have been trying not to cry so I don't upset Shannon."

Santana leaned against the counter and crossed her arms as she nodded, "It's ok to let her see this is hard for you too. You look really good by the way and I don't just mean beautiful, you've always been that but I mean clear, strong, healthier, happier. It's a good look on you and I didn't even realize how much I missed it." She said kindly.

"Thanks Santana, I appreciate how hard this has been for you, being a single mom and dealing with her pain and trauma as well as everything you've been going through because of me. I'm sorry for all those stupid things I said at the house the day I ran away. You're an incredible mother and Shannon is so lucky to have you! We both are!" The blonde finished shyly.

"Let's talk more when you get out ok Quinn? We'll just enjoy the day today and deal with the heavy stuff later? Thanks though, for saying that." Quinn nodded in agreement as Santana turned away quickly to hide her own tears that had sprung unbidden to her eyes.

Santana cleared her throat and pretended to busy herself with straightening the snacks at the table, "Berry's waiting out in the car, she said to tell you how much she loves you and how proud she is of you. She said you guys can talk when you get out, but she wanted to day to be about you and Shannon. You were right about her Quinn; she has really come through from me and Shannon. "

"She has always been this complete contradiction hasn't she? It's one of the things I really admire and one of the biggest reasons I want to kill her on occasion."

Both women laughed out loud at that and Shannon came over and hugged her Mami, "What's so funny?" She hated to be left out of something fun.

"Nothing ladybug, Mama was just saying how awesome Aunt Rachel is." Shannon munched a cracker and shook her head in agreement, she loved Aunt Rachel she was totally awesome.

Pretty soon the visit was over and all three of the Fabray-Lopez women started to feel the pain of the upcoming separation.

A small African-American woman with a Jamaican accent stuck her head in the door, "Quinn, five more minutes love and then visiting time is over."

Shannon looked up in panic and Santana realized her assessment from earlier was going to be correct, this was going to be very difficult on their little girl, so she moved to intervene, "Ladybug, don't you have some other things for your Mama?"

The tiny blonde instantly calmed and walked back over to the couch followed by her two mothers, "I made this necklace for you Mama and I have these 4 letters, they are very important and you can't read them until we are gone and you are alone. One has a heart on it and you have to read that one when you are sad. The rest you can read tonight it you want."

Her Mama took them and held them close to her heart, amused by the seriousness of her daughter.

"Mami and I filled up Moose with all these hugs and kisses every single night since you got here, so I am going to leave him with you to sleep with and every time you kiss him and tuck him in and hug him in bed just think of me and Mami and you will be with us in bed being happy again."

Despite the prior warning, Quinn still found herself getting very emotional as she understood just what a sacrifice it truly was for her daughter to part with Moose when she hadn't gone a night without him in bed with her, usually clutching him to her as she slept.

Santana leaned over and whispered something in her daughter's ear and Shannon pulled herself together and stood up straighter. She looked just like Quinn when she did that, it was a gesture the two blondes shared that signified they were putting on their brave faces and steeling themselves against tears. It always melted Santana's heart when they did that but today it almost broke it.

Quinn knelt down to eye level with her daughter and told her how much she loved her and how grateful she was to see Shannon today and she told her to be good and she would talk to her tonight before bed.

Shannon threw herself back into Quinn's arms and the blonde was sure the feeling of her heart breaking would be measured on the Richter scale this evening. Shannon leaned over and whispered in her Mama's ear, "Te amo, Mama!"

Quinn swallowed hard and said, "I love you too my angel, my heart, my life."

All three were crying and trying to keep the others from noticing. Shannon let go of her Mama and walked over to her backpack and pulled Moose out and handed him to Quinn, "Are you sure about this baby, I know he loves to sleep with you?"

Shannon said and smiled with barely a hitch in her tiny voice, "I'm sure Mama, Moose promised to take care of you and love you just like Mami and me do!" Her tiny chin quivering as her voice just slightly cracked, "But please watch out for him too ok Mama?" She said worriedly, hating to part with her best friend but knowing instinctively her Mama needed him more right now.

"Oh baby, I will hold him and love him and fill him back up with all the hugs and kisses I was saving for you!"

Santana was afraid of everyone having a complete breakdown so she gently leaned over and picked Shannon up and grabbed the backpack with her other arm and turned to Quinn, "We'll talk to you tonight ok Q? Say goodbye to Mama ladybug!" Shannon buried her head in her Mami's neck and started to sob, "We better go now, but call her tonight like you normally do Quinn and don't worry she'll be fine, I promise."

Quinn was trying valiantly to hold back her tears so she just shook her head in consent as Santana quickly turned and took the sobbing child out of the room. As soon as they were gone Quinn staggered over to the couch and grabbed the box of letters and held them and Moose close to her chest and cried out her pain and guilt.

-0-0-0-0-0-0-

Rachel drove them home in silence while Santana held her sobbing baby girl on her lap. She met Rachel's worried eyes in the mirror and winked at her trying to signify that the visit went well despite all evidence to the contrary from the tiny blonde currently nursing a broken heart on her lap.

After about an hour drive, Shannon fell asleep and Santana rested her head against the back of the car seat and closed her eyes. She was mentally and physically exhausted and the next thing she knew, Rachel was gently shaking her awake letting her know they had arrived back home.

Santana knew all of them still had a lot of work to do but for the first time since the night Quinn walked out of their home, Santana felt reason to be hopeful.


	17. Chapter 17

**Chapter 19 Coming Home / Santana's Side**

Santana was in a quiet solemn mood as she scrubbed the bathroom floor on her hands and knees. She was a decisive woman, always had been, she made a decision and stuck to it, usually her first instincts were right. Sometimes it would turn around and bite her in the ass but mostly she trusted her own judgment and lived by that until Quinn came along.

Quinn! The Latina growled in frustration as she applied more force to the poor bathroom floor.

After Quinn's arrest in Ohio, she was done with that woman and this marriage. She would be supportive of her recovery and civil for the sake of their daughter but she had made a decision. The Latina was going to tell her the morning she checked into rehab so Quinn would be safe while she processed it. Quinn would be surrounded by counselors and sober people and she would have 90 days to come to terms with the fact her marriage was over.

Oh no, she had to see the look of utter devastation on the blonde's face and feel sorry for her. She even went so far as to promise to do nothing until Quinn got out and they would talk face to face about the marriage. When did Santana Fabray-Lopez become a complete and total pussy?

She sat back on her heels and wiped the sweat from her face, she'd been at this floor for two hours and if truth be told, any dirt was gone 15 minutes after she started. At this rate she would scrub her way into the basement soon.

What was it about that blonde that made her so fucking crazy? Only Quinn Fabray-Lopez could reduce her to a babbling idiot; bring her to her knees a broken shell then lift her to heights of ecstasy she had only ever dreamed of. Quinn was her kryptonite, no doubt about it, and always had been.

She had basically destroyed her own career, given up a dream job, lost all the peace of mind she had ever known, handed over her sanity to win back a woman who had walked out on her and abandoned her for no reason and with no warning, who had tossed her heart into a shredder, had threatened to take her child from her, who had cheated on her, who was a drunk and would always be a drunk! Why? For what?

LOVE ~ that fucking four letter word that was more insidious than any other emotion on the planet. She threw the brush into the bucket viciously splashing water all over the floor and cabinet. Huffing loudly she sat down and put her head in her hands and growled again.

"What did that floor ever do to you," Said a soft teasing voice?

Santana looked up into the gentle face of the woman who had become her sounding board, her rock and the most unlikely and unexpected friend ever; Rachel Barbra Berry.

She shrugged in despair, "It reminded me of Quinn?"

Rachel laughed that lovely musical laugh that was contagious and sat down on the wet floor next to the friend she had grown to love and respect, "It's not too late you know, she can come to my place and stay. She would understand if you changed your mind. Oh here, I brought you a glass of iced tea."

Santana grabbed the glass gratefully and downed half of it in three deep swallows, "God that's good, thanks! I know Quinn would understand but Shannon wouldn't. I keep waiting for the last straw that's going to break her and this could be it if I change my mind, she's so excited for Quinn to come home."

Rachel put her arm around her friend and pulled her head onto her shoulder, "She isn't going to break, kids are resilient, besides she's the daughter of the two biggest HBIC's in history!" She said softly and reassuringly.

The Latina pulled away and turned to look at her friend, "Her mother broke, her birth mother broke and into a million pieces, her grandmother is broken, her grandfather is broken what's to say my daughter isn't going to break as well?" She hadn't meant to sound so hostile.

Rachel sighed sadly and leaned back, putting her arms around her knees she drew them in tightly to her chest, "Quinn broke because of Beth, because she had shitty parents and no real support except a couple of teenagers who had no idea how to help, because she was too young and emotionally immature to cope with the very adult trauma she suffered giving her child up for adoption. You saved her back then, but she was still broken and you knew it when you married her Santana." She finished gently.

Santana stood up quickly and huffed angrily, "So this is my fault?"

Rachel followed her up and stood her ground against an angry scary Latina, "I didn't say that, what I was saying was Quinn's always been fragile, and we've all known that. All of us have tip toed around the real issue with Quinn and that was a mistake, which I see very clearly now, 20/20 hindsight and all. All of us; you, me and Puck have allowed her to get away with not dealing with the real underlying issue which was her past. Well she fell apart and now she is being forced to face it, head on and I'm sure she's terrified but it's a good thing, a necessary thing. The responsibility is Quinn's and Quinn's alone for the choices, very bad choices she made but we enabled her and in a way share a part of the blame. Just like Judy and that very awful Russell will always carry their share of the blame. The good part is she can finally heal now."

The diva continued, "My point, and I apologize Santana because it was so long winded and I know how you love that, but my point was that Shannon is not broken. Yes, she has had some trauma from this but she has the unconditional love and support of all of us, something her Mama never had. She is not going to break over this."

Santana rolled her eyes and laughed, "Well why didn't you just say so in the first place?"

Rachel crossed her arms and narrowed her milk chocolate eyes at her friend, "You are giving me grey hairs and that is definitely not what a twenty-something Broadway star needs is grey hairs."

The Latina shook her head, "God you're such a drama queen and I know your real age Berry."

The tiny brunette smiled fondly at her friend and laid her warm hand on Santana's forearm, "its ok you know, you are only one human and contrary to popular belief, you can't fix everything. You cannot be everything to everyone. This had been very traumatic for you as well, if you need more time take it, she will be safe at my place, I swear it Santana. You know me; do you seriously doubt I won't be watching her like a hawk?"

"Thanks Rach but this is her home and it will be good for her and for Shannon to be together as well. I still have some time off from work and I know now that my being gone so much helped fuel her fears and insecurities, it felt like abandonment to her. I've had too much time to think about it lying alone in our bed. She belongs here, I just don't know if we can stay married but honestly I'm putting that on the back burner until she is better. You and I have been her oldest and dearest friends and I can be that again. I will help her and support her, she deserves that from me. I want to give her the best possible odds to recover, the rest is up to her and in time, I guess she and I will both figure out if we still love each other enough to stay together."

Santana looked sideways at her friend and said teasingly, "Of course I can't guarantee I won't wind up living in your spare room before too long."

Rachel look horrified, "Over my dead body Lopez or it will be me in rehab next!"

The Latina muttered, "Fucking drama queen."

"Come on already, the floor's clean enough to eat off of. Shannon and I made dinner and you need to relax and get a good night's sleep, tomorrow is a big deal for all of you!"

The taller brunette looked around, "Well I guess we are as ready as we ever will be! Do you think we should do something special for tomorrow? I don't want to handle it wrong but it feels weird to have a "Welcome Home from Rehab" party!" Santana made air marks as she said the words, "I wouldn't even know what to put on the cake."

Rachel could see the nervous air surrounding her friend, "My opinion? Keep it low key and casual. Maybe a nice dinner with you and Quinn and Shannon, let her set the pace, maybe she needs to go to a meeting or get some sleep. Just let the three of you reconnect."

"That actually sounds like the perfect evening, I will just ask her what she needs to do and make sure she knows there is no pressure, she can leave for a meeting if she needs to. It's the perfect idea, thanks Rachel!" She pulled the diva in for a grateful hug feeling calmer when the tiny brunette hugged her back tightly.

"All of a sudden I'm starving, let's go see what you and ladybug cooked up, then a relaxing movie and by relaxing I mean no musicals and no Little Mermaid, I am totally fucking over that movie!"

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Three hours later Santana Fabray-Lopez sat on the couch with a contended little blonde on her lap watching The Little Mermaid for the millionth time when she caught Rachel looking at her bemusedly from the loveseat.

She scowled at the diva as she thought to herself, "Yep it's official, I'm a complete and total pussy and all because the blondes in my life are Kryptonite."

The Latina kissed the top of her daughter's head and kissed her gently and sweetly as Shannon softly sighed in happiness and snuggled back into her Mami, "Oh well, it's worth it."


	18. Chapter 18

Quinn sat on her bed staring off into space thinking. She didn't even hear her roommate come in and sit down on her own bed.

"Earth to Quinn, come in Quinn…" Sally said teasingly.

The blonde looked up abruptly; she was startled back to reality, "Hey, I was just thinking." She smiled weakly.

"A little freaked about going home I see?" Sally said kindly.

"A little," Quinn admitted with a gentle shrug of her shoulders, "everything is so up in the air. Santana has been supportive but still distant, which I totally understand. She's being way nicer than I deserve actually." She looked down at her hands sadly.

"Hey, what happened is all in the past, you can't change it but you can make amends for it, you know that! You're not a bad person honey; you're a sick person who did some bad things. I think out of everyone in the world, Santana knows that most of all."

"I told her that Shannon was not really her child. You didn't see the look of, I don't know, hurt can't even describe what I saw on her face. She was devastated and betrayed and cut to the core. I did that to her. Then I run off and wind up in some motel with a man and get arrested and betray and devastate her some more. I can't even look her in the eye anymore, hell I can't even look you in the eye right now." She laughed bitterly through her tears.

Sally got up off her bed and knelt down in front of Quinn, putting her face on the blonde's level, "If you want to get better, you have to let go of all the guilt and shame. You stay sober and you become the wife and mother you were always meant to be, the one your mother was never capable of being. Yes, you did some bad things, we all have but you are getting a second chance here, take it for God's sake! Do you think that fiery Latina of yours would let you back in the house if she wasn't giving you another chance?"

Quinn said sadly, "She would if my being home was what was best for Shannon, even if it wasn't what was best for her. She's the best mother I've ever seen, way better than me!"

"Tell her that then, when you make your amends for saying those awful things to her."

Quinn looked up and looked a little more hopeful and nodded her head, deep in thought once again, "I can do that."

Sally smiled widely, "Remember Ms. Thang, you don't need to fix everything the first hour you get home alright? I know you!"

The blonde slapped her friend gently on her arm, "I'm not that bad!"

Her roommate stood up laughing, "No you're worse than that, you'll probably try to fix everything in the car ride home!"

"I love you Mustang, you know? I never had a lot of really close friends because I was such a bitch all my life trying to keep people from getting too close to me, the real me. I always had Santana and Rachel but you know the real me and I really love you my friend. You have your whole life ahead of you, please stay away from the booze and drugs, please be happy!"

"I love you too Quinn, take your own advice and we'll both do this thing one day at a time! Why didn't anyone mention how fucking hard life was going to be huh? I might have opted out!"

"There is no opting out, we are here and we need to make the best of it!"

The two women stood up and hugged each tightly, each afraid to let go of the other. They both knew they were safe in rehab but once they were out in the real world it would be so much harder to face reality.

Quinn whispered into her friend's ear, "we can do this ok, we can do this.." Talking to herself as well.

_**-0-0-0-0-0-0-**_

Quinn's counselor, Catherine Davis, sat at her desk and reviewed the blonde's file. She had a really good chance at success, she had strong family support, a daughter she adored, a few good friends, a college degree and a home to go back to. Unfortunately, the ones who were supposed to succeed on paper didn't always make it. There were too many other factors to consider. The biggest being of course was Quinn herself; could she be honest with herself? Could she let go of her past? Could she forgive herself? She was brought out of her musings by a gentle knock on the door.

She looked up and saw the subject of her thoughts standing in the doorway, she smiled gently and beckoned the young woman in, "So you all ready to go home?"

The blonde walked in and gracefully sat down in the comfortable chair and crossed her legs Indian style, "As ready as I'm ever going to be, I guess."

"Just stick to the basics, 90 meetings in 90 days, get a sponsor, find a Higher Power and ask him or her to help you stay sober, and don't drink even if your ass falls off!"

Quinn chuckled, "I know Catherine, I know! I just felt safe in here and it's scary to go back to where the drinking first started getting bad. I mean I'm not sure what has changed at home. Santana and I have never been really good at communication. I know I share a lot of the blame for that. I hold everything inside or I used to at least."

"Well from what you've shared with me, you are the adult child of two alcoholics, one of whom was pretty abusive. I'm not sure how you think you were supposed to have learned to communicate freely. Whenever you disagreed with your father you were punished. The first time you made a mistake you were thrown out of your house and abandoned. So from your first moments of life, you didn't learn trust or safety from the people who were supposed to teach it to you. But Quinn, that's old behavior, not everyone is untrustworthy and not everyone is going to hurt you, especially not your wife."

The blonde was quiet just listening and absorbing what was being told to her, "Your right, I was hurt by Santana's obsession with her job and instead of talking to her about it; I buried my feelings until it hurt so bad I had to numb it with alcohol. She might have listened and worked with me but I never gave her the chance." She finished sadly.

"I really want you to think about continuing with therapy Quinn; you have a lot of old baggage that needs addressing that AA meetings aren't supposed to address. I think it is crucial to your recovery to deal with your parent's drinking and abandonment, your dad's abuse and the birth and adoption of your first child. These are big, big things that you really have never dealt with." Catherine said gently, "I have faith in you Quinn, you have what it takes to make it, I see something very special in you!"

The blonde smiled widely, "I bet you say that to all your drunks!"

They both laughed at that knowing Catherine was incredibly supportive of all her girls, "Do you know how I got 20 years of sobriety Quinn?" The blonde shrugged, "By not drinking one day a time for 20 years. I just did what I was supposed to do and I didn't drink. It's pretty simple; it's just not easy to do. It's not rocket science, but you have to be brave and be willing to face life head on, no matter what. I see that kind of courage in you, or you wouldn't have survived all that you have in the past. Now, what time is Santana going to be here?"

"Any minute now actually."

"Alright you have my number and you call me if you need anything, you have the phone number of the woman I gave you, she lives near you and has agreed to get you to some meetings. Call her the minute you get home, the longer you wait the heavier the phone gets and then you'll never call. You know what we say right?"

Quinn rolled her eyes, "Meeting makers make it! I hate all these stupid clichés!"

Catherine laughed, "I did too but they saved my ass more than once. Now go take your bags to the front door, and I'll meet you up front to get you signed out and released all proper for the courts."

_**-0-0-0-0-0-0-**_

Santana was driving and Quinn was sitting in the passenger seat with Shannon in the back. Shannon had flung herself on her Mama laughing and crying at the same time. She wouldn't let Quinn put her down and was squeezing her neck for all it was worth. It was a beautiful welcome and Quinn was relieved that Shannon was so happy to have her return home. It was quiet for long stretches of time as neither woman really knew what to say to the other.

"So I have the spare room all fixed up and ready," Santana looked upset for a minute, "unless you want our old bedroom back?"

Quinn shook her head quickly, "No Tana, of course not, the spare room is perfect, I will be fine there." She turned back to look out of the window and closed her eyes and counted to 10 then cleared her throat, "Is it ok to still call you Tana or does that bother you?" She asked softly.

Santana thought carefully before speaking, "We've been friends for a long time before we fell in love; you've always called me Tana. I guess what I'm saying is that we are still friends as far as I'm concerned."

The blonde smiled fondly at her wife, "Thanks, I'm sorry it's so awkward right now, I guess I'm not sure how to act around you yet. If you would tell me if I'm doing something that upsets you or I don't know what I mean…." She said softly to keep Shannon from hearing there talk.

Santana looked in the rear view mirror, "It's ok, she's sleeping, we can talk. I swear to God that kid is never going to get a driver's license she can't stay awake in a car for more than 30 minutes at a time."

The Latina reached over tentatively and put her hand over her wife's and squeezed it gently, "I know what you mean, I'm not sure what to say either, but what do you program people say? One day at a time! I think we can do that, don't you?"

The blonde nodded grateful for Santana's honesty and support, "Thank you, for everything, for letting me come home, for visiting, for having Shannon call me every night.."

"Pffft like I could have stopped her if I tried, she's a Fabray-Lopez, I didn't stand a chance!"

Quinn laughed merrily, "Nope, no you didn't!"

Santana kept looking out the car window as she drove, "I just want to say how proud I am of you for trying this, for going to rehab, I imagine it was really hard to admit you needed help and I'm so fucking proud of you for doing that. No matter what happens between us in the future, you will always have my support. I've had your back since we were teenagers and I still do, ok? So you just stay sober and do whatever you need to do and we will find a way through whatever pops up."

Tears sprung to Quinn's eyes and she could not stop them from rolling down her face, she was incredibly moved by Santana's support, "Tana, I ….."

"Look, I'm not saying I'm not still incredibly pissed off about some of the shit that has happened but I've been seeing a counselor who knows about addictions and stuff and she's explained a lot to me. So I'm willing to give this a chance. I don't know when or if we can go back to being a couple and I don't even know if you want that but we don't have to decide that right this minute do we?"

"No we don't, not right now! I'm really proud of you too, but I have a sneaking suspicion I should be thanking Rachel Berry for you being in counseling." Her hazel eyes twinkled in merriment at the scowl that came over her wife's tanned face.

"Let's not talking about Berry ok, I'm having a good day so far!" She looked over at Quinn and stuck her tongue out shocking the blonde, "Alright, I'll admit you have great taste in friends. Shannon and I wouldn't have survived without Rachel that's for sure and I might even have grown very fond of the hobbit myself, but if you tell her, I am just going to deny it." She growled.

Quinn squeezed her wife's hand lovingly, "I think she already knows Tana, I'm sure she knows!"

They continued to hold hands as they drove slowly back home to a new beginning.


	19. Chapter 19

**Chapter 21 **ONE YEAR LATER****

"I don't know Rach, It's been 9 months since I got home from rehab and a year since my last drink and I'm still sleeping in the guest room. I just think it's time I find an apartment and give Tana a chance to move on; I don't think I'm who she wants anymore."

Quinn and Rachel were sitting in Fabray-Lopez kitchen sipping coffee and talking while Shannon was in school and Santana was at work.

"I know it's frustrating Quinn but honestly, I think if Santana wanted you to move out she would just say it, she's not exactly shy about saying things straight out!" Rachel blew on the hot beverage before sipping.

"That's my point exactly Rach, if she wanted me to be her wife again, she would have just said it already. As you pointed out yourself, she is not exactly shy." Quinn said sadly, "I've got my teaching certificate and it's all up to date, so I can get a job teaching and that would allow me to be home when Shannon is off and I can afford a place now."

Rachel reached across the table and gently placed both hands on Quinn's crossed arms, "Just don't do anything drastic without talking it over with her first, remember that's how all this got started in the first place?"

Quinn put warm hands on top of Rachel's and squeezed gently, "I won't, I promise!"

"Good, now onto other pressing matters, today is your one year sober day? Birthday? Anniversary? What do they call it?"

The blonde laughed, "Anniversary, yes as of today, I am one year sober!" She said shyly.

"I am so proud of you Quinn Fabray-Lopez and I love you so much," Rachel said as her expressive eyes filled with tears, "in honor of this momentous occasion, I got you a token of my esteem, a small present!" She reached down in her bag and pulled out a small square festively wrapped and ribboned package and presented it to Quinn.

"Ahh, Rachel what did you do?" Hazel eyes rolled in exasperation.

"Not much honest, just a little token of love and pride and to say happy anniversary, that's all!" Rachel nervously defended herself not sure if she was out of line.

The blonde carefully unwrapped the gift and lifted the lid of the beautiful silver box, "Oh Rachel, it's amazing." She whispered as she lifted a charm bracelet out of the box.

The diva breathed a sigh of relief and said slyly, "See, something special that will remind you of your awesome life and all the wonderful reasons to stay sober!"

Quinn laughed in delight pointing to various charms, "A little monkey for my Shannon, my very own moose, pom-poms, ohh look a mini wedding cake?" She looked at Rachel smiling widely, "Berry you are seriously too much; a mini-Grammy?"

Rachel huffed, "I couldn't leave off something to remind you of me now could I?"

The blonde reached out and grabbed her best friend's hand and squeezed, "Of course you couldn't…." Quinn's eyes noticed a little charm she hadn't seen before, it was the AA triangle enclosed in crystal, "Ohh it's beautiful, I love it!" She looked up with tears in her eyes, "Thank you so much, can you help me put it on? Please?"

The brunette smiled widely, "Yay! Of course, I am so glad you like it! I had so much fun shopping for charms. If it's ok with you I think I want to start one for Shannon this year, she is old enough to have one, don't you think Quinn?"

Her big brown expression filled eyes looked up from securing the clasp on the bracelet and met love filled green and gold eyes and she smiled, "What? Am I talking too much again?"

Quinn melted, "No silly, I just wanted to tell you how much we all love you. You have been my rock for so long. I just want you to know that you are so much more than my friend Rachel Barbra Berry, you are truly my sister! I love you dearly."

Rachel stood up and moved towards Quinn and the two hugged each other tightly, the brunette broke the embrace first, "What time do you have to go get our little monkey?"

The blonde wiped away a few stray tears, "In a few minutes, I have to grab her from the school."

"Well, why don't you go grab Shannon and I'll run to the deli and buy us some lunch and then we can meet back here and eat something. I'll grab something for Santana too for later? What time is your meeting tonight?"

"It's at 8 that would be great if you don't mind and then we can eat and I can spend some time with Shannon doing homework until Tana gets home and then I can go to my meeting. It's a perfect plan Rach, thanks!"

"Ok, I will see you back here in a little while?"

Quinn nodded grabbing her keys so she could drive over to the school to pick up Shannon. She had only gotten her license back a month ago and it was nice to be allowed to drive again.

_**-0-0-0-0-0-0-**_

The blonde drove to the school and parked and walked up to the front door. She always grabbed Shannon from the classroom and spoke to her teacher. Today there was a substitute and Shannon was nowhere to be found.

Quinn walked up to the young woman, "Hi, I'm Mrs. Fabray-Lopez, I'm looking for my daughter Shannon, she's blonde, brown eyes, about yay high?"

The young woman looked absolutely frazzled, "Some of the kids went out to the playground to wait for their parents."

"I understand that you're a sub but these kids are 6 and 7 years old, you can't send them off to the playground all by themselves." Quinn said irritably.

"I didn't send them, the bell rang, some of them ran out and the others followed." The flustered young woman said as she struggled to wrangle another little girl into her jacket, "One of the girls Katie or Courtney said someone had puppies, they all wanted to see, I couldn't stop them all!"

Something seemed off about that to Quinn so she turned to head out to the playground to find Shannon. She found Shannon's friend Courtney and a few of the other first graders so she made them all walk with her while she looked for Shannon. She was starting to get nervous, "Courtney was Shannon with you?" She asked a little frantically.

"Yes Mrs. Lopez, we went to see the puppies. I didn't see her after that." Quinn made all the first graders hold hands and she led them rather quickly back into the school to wait in the classroom for their parents. She was torn between leaving them and racing around trying to find Shannon but they were all somebody's kid and they were just wandering unattended.

Just as she got to the classroom she saw her daughter walking down the hallway towards the bathroom.

"Shannon Grace!" Quinn raised her voice. She ran quickly down the hallway and knelt in front of her daughter and hugged her tightly, "Baby you scared me. You know you aren't allowed to leave the classroom until either Mami or I come and get you."

"I'm sorry Mama I wanted to see the puppies!" Shannon said looking at the floor.

"So you went outside without permission, without your coat? Who had the puppies?" Quinn said exasperated.

"I don't know who it was; some man had them in a box by the see-saw." Shannon practically whispered.

The blonde stood up abruptly and put her hands on her hips and glared at her daughter, "You mean to tell me young lady, that you approached a stranger after all the times your Mami and I have warned you about that very thing?"

Shannon swallowed and nodded her head still looking at the floor. Quinn took her gently by the arm and lead her back to the classroom to get her things, "We will talk about this at home little girl but you are in big trouble!"

_**-0-0-0-0-0-0-**_

Quinn was followed into the kitchen by a sullen looking Shannon who stomped past her Aunt Rachel and down the hallway to her bedroom, slamming her door. Rachel raised an eyebrow as she looked inquisitively at Quinn. The blonde just rolled her eyes and sighed, "Rach, go ahead and start eating, I need to go call Santana. I'm sorry, I'll be right back."

The diva started unpacking the food and setting the table as Quinn walked into the study to call Santana. She quickly explained what happened as Santana listened carefully, "I cannot believe she left the school and walked up to a stranger, I mean we talked about the candy and the puppies and she still did it." The Latina said angrily.

"Her and about 6 other first graders, I am going to have a word with the principle about that substitute teacher, what kind of moron lets a bunch of first graders go to the playground alone?" Quinn added.

"Yeah, well Shannon knows better so she can't complain about you punishing her."

Quinn said, "I didn't punish her."

Santana was confused, "Why not? Quinn what's going on?"

"I don't think I should be the one to punish her, not after the last time." The blonde said softly. She heard Santana take a deep breath.

"Quinn, listen to me, I understand you still feel bad about what happened before, but you are her mother. You are not going to lose control again and you can't always wait for me to get home to talk to her. You know what to do."

"Are you sure you want me to handle this Santana?" The blonde said softly.

"I trust you to handle our daughter, of course I do. Do you want to talk out what you think you should do before you talk to Shannon?"

"No, I will handle this, I'm sorry I bothered you at work Tana."

"It's not a bother Quinn, as a matter of fact, I am going to notify the police station about some stranger hanging around a school yard with a box of puppies and then the principal about the dumb ass who let our daughter and the rest of the first graders leaver her classroom unattended. Oh, I will be home before you have to leave for your meeting alright?"

Quinn smiled to herself, "That would be perfect, oh, Rachel brought food from the deli and she bought you something for dinner, I'll have it in the fridge for you."

"Great, that's perfect! Just one more thing? Please tell me you didn't come home with a furry drooling poop machine!"

Quinn laughed, "Nope, we are still a dog-free family!"

"Thank God!" They both laughed.

They hung up and Quinn went in to talk to her daughter.

_**-0-0-0-0-0-0-**_

She finally made it back out to sit down and eat with Rachel, "Never a dull moment in the Fabray-Lopez household she laughed. I'm sorry it took me so long. I had to deal with my 7 year old monster."

The two women talked and Quinn filled Rachel in with the events at the school and her conversation with Santana.

"You haven't disciplined Shannon since that time at my house? Why not Quinn?" Rachel asked seriously.

The blonde grew serious, "I'm not sure I completely trust myself Rachel, I know that Santana and I spoke with Shannon about what happened but I guess I've been content to let Tana handle the discipline. I just don't want to be a bad parent like mine were. It just scares me that I lost control and spanked her like that, out of control and angry. I don't ever want to do that again."

"And you won't Quinn, you were lost and angry then, you were drinking, none of that applies now. You're a fantastic mother with great instincts, just follow them. Tell me what happened with Shannon just now."

"I told her she would have to stay in her room for disobeying us about leaving her classroom and talking to a stranger. She has to stay on her bed and think about what she should have done instead. We are going to talk later again about strangers but she is grounded from television for three days."

"See Quinn, that was fine, she was wrong and she knew better. You didn't yell or lose your temper and she has to sit and think and then she can't watch TV. I think it's exactly what Santana would have done, don't you?"

"She's just such a natural at this motherhood thing and I am not. It makes me feel insecure." Quinn admitted.

"And you are working on all those insecurities, it's going to take time Quinn but you'll get there."

"Now you sound just like Santana!" Quinn said rolling her eyes.

_**-0-0-0-0-0-0-**_

Santana got home just in time for Quinn to get ready for her meeting. The Latina was standing in the doorway of the guestroom watching Quinn put the finishing touches on her makeup, "So you get to do your first talk tonight right?"

Quinn's hazel eyes met her wife's in the mirror, "It's called a lead and yeah tonight is the first time for me to do that, and you know how much I love speaking in public."

The Latina said seriously, "You'll do great Quinn, I know you will."

The blonde got up from her vanity and walked past Santana giving her shoulder a little squeeze, "Thanks Tana! I'm going to go say goodnight to Shannon and then I have to head out. Did you find your dinner?"

The brunette nodded in appreciation.

_**-0-0-0-0-0-0- **_

Quinn walked in and helped Shannon get in her pajamas, then she tucked her daughter in and kissed her and Moose goodnight. The blonde sat down next to her little blonde daughter and soothed the curls off her forehead before leaning over and kissing it, "I love you so much baby, you scared me today. I couldn't stand if anything ever happened to you. Do you understand why Mama had to punish you sweetheart?"

"Yes Mama, I just love puppies and I didn't think about getting in trouble, I'm sorry Mama! I'll be good, I promise."

"No you won't!" Quinn laughed leaning over and tickling Shannon until she giggled, "You're too much like your Mami!"

"Will you come in and kiss me when you get home tonight Mama?"

"I always do monkey, right before I go to bed, I come in and tuck you and Moose in and kiss you on your head like this." She leaned over and kissed Shannon on her forehead again.

_**-0-0-0-0-0-0-**_

Quinn got to her meeting on time and poured herself a cup of the worst coffee on the planet. She couldn't understand how drunks didn't know how to do a simple thing like make a pot of drinkable coffee.

The meeting started and she was introduced and she got up to speak, "Hi I'm Quinn, I'm an alcoholic. As of today I have exactly one year of sobriety. Can we get started by saying the serenity prayer?"

Everyone clapped and Quinn looked around at all the men and women and teenagers of all ages and colors and she finally found the one place she fit in.

She couldn't even remember half of what she said but when she was finished she felt better, freer and all kinds of people came up and congratulated her on her year and thanked her for sharing.

After the meeting was over, Quinn spoke with her sponsor about what happened with Shannon and her talk with Rachel about going back to work and getting her own apartment. She was sad that it just seemed like things just were never going to progress past friendship with Santana ever again. They talked some more and then Quinn headed home tired and happy but still sad at the same time.

_**-0-0-0-0-0-0-**_

The lights were off when Quinn pulled into the driveway, she thought that was kind of weird, Santana didn't usually go to bed until later than 10 pm but she did look tired tonight. The blonde was a little disappointed. She wanted to talk about the meeting with her wife. "I guess I should stop thinking of Tana like that, I guess she isn't really going to be my wife much longer."

She unlocked the door and walked into the house and headed to the guest bedroom. The blonde was changing when she noticed roses and a note on her bed. Quinn picked them up and smelled them, she loved roses. The note said very simply.. _**meet me in the kitchen!**_

Quinn walked into the kitchen and the table was lit with candles and a bottle of sparkling grape juice was chilling and the good china was out and set for a romantic very late supper.

Santana walked into the kitchen carrying a small round birthday cake and set it on the counter. She turned on the CD player and Quinn's favorite song came on..

_**A moment like this Some people wait a lifetime, **_

_**For a moment like this Some people search forever,**_

_**For that one special kiss Oh, I can't believe it's happening to me **_

_**Some people wait a lifetime, For a moment like this**_

The Latina was wearing a skin tight red dress and she walked over and extended her hand, "May I have this dance?"

Quinn just nodded as her emotions were all in her throat. They continued to dance and Santana serenaded the blonde as she held her closer than they'd been in over a year.

She kept moving Quinn around the kitchen floor even after the song ended. She stopped and whispered in her wife's ear, "I've missed you so much. I wanted to give you the time and space to get better and feel better about yourself. I waited as long as I could and tried so hard not to pressure you but I love you Quinn and I always have."

The Latina let go of Quinn and knelt down on the floor, "Quinn Fabray-Lopez, I can't imagine spending my life with anyone else. I am incomplete and broken without you. I promise to support and love you forever. Will you do me the honor of becoming my wife again?" She pulled out a ring box and sets it in Quinn's hand as the blonde broke down into torrential sobs.

"Yes,yes,yes, of course Tana yes, I love you so much, I thought you….." Her words were interrupted by soft passionate lips that lock onto hers and stole her breath away.

Santana took the blonde's soft hand in her own and gently lead her into what used to be their shared bedroom and Quinn found all her belongings back where they used to be.

She turns to look at a smirking Latina, "pretty damned sure of yourself aren't you?"

"Hells yeah blondie, I'm Santana fucking Lopez!"

The room is filled with candlelight and the bed is covered in rose petals. The two women stare at each other for a long moment until a year's worth of passion became too much to bear and they dove for each other and let the pain, guilt, loss and shame go and traded it for a brand new promise of a lifetime of love and commitment.

_**THE END**_

_**Thanks so much for reading and reviewing and hanging with my story, if you liked the ending let me know.**_

_**Jennifer**_


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